Dh had a lapdance. I feel broken

[Rabbithole90]

I always thought I would be ok if he ever did it. Never goaded him doing it whatsoever or encouraged but he's come home from a stag do and spent OUR money on it. £40.

I feel cheated on. I know I've not been. But I can't help how I feel. I'm so upset

I'm not sure the appeal of a lapdance... if I wanted a pretty, naked woman parading in front of me without the possibility of sex, I'd just look at my wife :)

Jokes aside, I can understand the betrayal. Being dragged to those things is one thing, but participation is another... and I would question if that was all...

If a lap ‘dance’ is her actually sitting on his lap and rubbing against him then it is utterly gross. Surely most men would actually ejaculate in that situation?

few more pages and men who go to these strip clubs will be the victims...

outside of the very serious issues associated with adult entertainment industry (trafficking, abuse of vulnerable), all of which have little with OP's dilemma of being cheated on...

it seems like some women here think their life would be just peachy perfect if it wasn't for all those other women on earth their husbands may potentially lust after, pay for lap dances, sleep with or just look at...

@MrsMarieMopps I used to work in a sex chatline office. Before that i was signing on. Anyone remember New Labours New Deal? They wanted me to work in a soup factory for my dole money. I had already done "work placements" in charity shops. When i went to sign off
a. they actually tried to persuade me not to and that they could get me better than £12,000 a year when they had already shown that they couldnt (12,000 a year was a LOT for this area back in 2001)

b. had to sit in Job Centre for THREE HOURS while Reed desperately tried to locate all the relevant paperwork.

Lol they thought i was so unemployable they hadnt bothered to be careful about where they filed it.

Not ideal but also not major.

let him know how you feel and move on

The men are not allowed to touch any of the ladies and there is absolutely no sex or sex acts in the club, it's illegal.
They are strippers not prostitutes.
I've worked in strip clubs for years.

You do realise that a large percentage of drug users for cocaine, ecstasy and weed are recreational users and not addicts, much the same as not all drinkers are alcoholics.

I think the analogy holds up, but only to the extent that you can’t place zero blame on the supply side (rather than anything close to fifty fifty).

@Tweety79 Since you are the expert on what goes on in lap dancing clubs -- do the ladies not rub their bodies against the men during a lap dance? What about during a private dance?

Its just not happened in any of the places you've worked in. It happens. This is a fact.

I can only speak from my experience with a reasonably small number of Men but I haven't encountered one that would cum through a quick dry hump from a stranger since I was about 17? I'm sure some do, but I'd be very shocked if it was 'most'.

My partner had two private "dance" before we started going out ..... They most definitely run their bodies and crotch/ass on his crotch.

There have also been documentaries done with night vision cameras exposing what goes on in clubs that is totally inmcontrasr to the gap theyre supposed to have etc etc and it was obvious the strippers were grinding, with contact on the laps of the customers.

Your fragility ain’t doing you any favours. In fact it’s telling him that he matters when he’s shown you that you don’t. Stop ✋ putting him up the food chain.

Grow up OP don’t destroy your life over a grubstery little dick man. Tell him you are disappointed and never to do that again as you realise you find it disrespectful. Not it does not upset you as cheating but it grosses you out. Make him feel little, not powerful, like having a hold over you.

Oh and there are reviews of lao dancing clubs .. . Just like there are reviews of everything now. You'll see the range of behaviour that people deny happens in those reviews. As I said I've sen reviews from guys saying he bought a "lesbian" act from two lap dancers and was satisfied to see one at least getting a few licks ,"on target" in the other strippers vulva. The lesbian "dances" are mentioned repeatedly.

Yes, I often wonder if there’s some kind of Jay from The Inbetweeners effect* where women think that what men brag about happening in strip clubs is in line with what happens in the majority of UK strip clubs for private dances.

*not a lot of sex actually happens at caravan club!

Depends how trigger happy they are.

My partner (not my partner then) is the opposite of trigger happy so I'd say v little chance.

Remember they're often drunk too, and that tends to make them go on and on.

But I have heard of it.

More importantly, why would these women let men touch them or why would touch the men for £40? What do they get out of it? For that I'd be doing the bare minimum.!

Grow up OP don’t destroy your life over a grubstery little dick man

No, just stay with (and sit with and cook for and sleep with and holiday with) a grubstery little dick man instead.

Why do budget end prostitutes give hand jobs and blow jobs for about the same?

When enough people are doing it, what you get for doing it ain't all that much.

I watched a show (documentary is a bit of a stretch) about stripping the other day and the private dances there started at £180 for 15 minutes.

Even at £40, times that by 4 per hour is money not to sniffed at. It's a lot more than I earn!

I was interested to learn that lots of the Women in the sex industry choose dancing in clubs over more lucrative cam work etc because there's more relative anonymity, as in they will not have footage burned onto the internet for ever more.

One of the Women referred to the punters as 'walking cash machines'.

I would also like to add that I have a very very low ego and on most days I hate my body/looks on every level. DH knows this. The lapdance has made me feel even more low about my looks/body. I felt inadequate and now even more inadequate. This could seriously trigger something in me.

@Rabbithole90 Have you had a conversation with your husband and explained how you are feeling yet? Does he understand the impact it is having on you?

Then you need professional help. See your GP in the first instance. Admitting you have a problem is a huge step forward. Others wiser than
I will have better advice. Good luck @Rabbithole90

That's doubly cruel then.

I'm of the opinion that it's a form of cheating anyway.

Anyway youre not inadequacy.

There are men who are with women who I'm sure are no better or worse looking than you and who wouldn't do that..
It's a reflection of his character, not your looks.

well I think you need to listen to yourself as he has really hurt you here. put yourself first, and if walking away means that then so be it