Dh had a lapdance. I feel broken

[Rabbithole90]

I always thought I would be ok if he ever did it. Never goaded him doing it whatsoever or encouraged but he's come home from a stag do and spent OUR money on it. £40.

I feel cheated on. I know I've not been. But I can't help how I feel. I'm so upset

It's called Bathroomontheright.

You know it's possible to blame both at the same time, right?

Thought this was MN and not the Daily Mail.

Sorry if you don't like feminist principles, maybe the misogyny on the Daily Mail might suit you more where you can cheer on lapdancing and the sex industry to your hearts content.

I was lost when a poster said she thought looking at women in the street was cheating!
How did you all cope when Page 3 was a thing?

That was one poster @loislovesstewie so why the "all" ?

Noone has to buy any service they don't want to buy.

In this case even if our shit culture meant op's husband was pressured inside of a lap dancing club, he didn't have to take it further by buying himself a personal lap dance.

(Oh and some men bail out altogether).

To repeat, the sex industry workers are not ops concern, her life partner is her concern.

@Masterofhappydays I'm so sorry that the OP was so disrespectful to you. That's another reason I hate these sorts of threads.
Lap dancing is a genuine profession in its own right. Yes it is part of the sex industry, in the same way webcam work or phone line work is (back in the day). It is NOT in many cases, prostitution. They are not prostitutes.
And as I say to every entitled woman who is disrespectful of it as an industry, number one, where can women make similar money during similar shift patterns in similar amounts of time? If I'm 23 with a hot bod, why would I not choose to earn £200 an hour, giving ten minute lap dances to overly pissed men who don't really care if I'm thinking about something else.
Number 2; IF YOU REALLY HATE THE INDUSTRY THEN GET YOUR PERVERT HUSBANDS, SONS, BROTHERS, DADS TO STOP GOING. There would literally be no industry. Every man in a strip club is probably someone woman's relative. Tell them how you feel, have an open dialogue, send them links. Campaign to have them shut down. Write letters to your MP. Protest.
Do not blame the dancer.
But of course you're not going to do any of this despite feeling 'so strongly' about it. You don't want to make the industry better for women. You don't want to listen to women who say they find it empowering, and do it by choice. You just want to shame. A lot of this thread is just female insecurity, masquerading as concern for sometimes vulnerable women.

I was making 2 separate statements.

Tell him you're going to see the Chippendales. I hear some of the things they do are quite gross.

I hate to break it to you but men don't tend to do things they don't want to do, quite the opposite.

If an attached man gets involved in the sex industry (even the light end) that's his responsibility. He owes his partner respect and consideration, random sex workers owe her nothing.

The key is “plus student loans” now an average of £50k for a bachelor degree. Going into a huge debt is worse than doing a bit of stripping and graduating debt free imho.

I don’t have the Victorian moral code though. It’s a set of rules designed to make women ashamed of their sexuality and to view it as dirty and sordid unless you are giving it away for free. Who benefits from all this for free? Men. Who doesn’t benefit by being limited in what we can do? Women.

Besides in this day and age every female pop star (and girl group) is doing a strip act on stage while lip synching to various formulations of fuck me, I want you to fuck me, oh you make me so hot songs. They earn millions by almost stripping for crowds.

I’m not going to begrudge other less privileged women their £40 for fully stripping and a lap dance.

It’s all part of the same thing really. The illusion of sex sells. It’s worth money.

Blaming sex industry workers for men's behaviour is not feminist.

You supported the op calling the sex worker a tart.

You're not feminist.

Her hubby's the tart.

He's done something akin to cheating (I agree with those who consider it cheating, it would be if it's outside the walls of a club so why is it not inside) and he's a married man with children.

Call him the names. He's the cheater.

You're not getting it. That's totally irrelevant. The men wouldn't go if these women didn't do it. Women who choose to do it are 50% of the problem. No women should be choosing to do it. What you're doing is, again, akin to blaming the heroin buyer and excusing the trafficker.

I agree with @MrsMarieMopps and @ChopperC110P .
Beyonce, or Kylie or Taylor Swift of any other young woman , writhing around while singing is empowering, someone doing a lapdance is a tart.

No, you're not getting it.
The clubs would never be set up and stay open if the men didn't go there

You are still....not....getting.....it.

You can blame BOTH, but have a particular distaste for women who choose to go into it. It's not either/or.

This whole thread has been derailed by men and strippers telling women how to they are allowed to feel/not feel about men and strippers - it's not about you.

Go and start a thread about why men and strippers are codependent somewhere else.

Good luck OP hope you can get through this and manage to resolve your feelings with support from your DH.

Once again, sigh, if women didn't choose to do this, the clubs wouldn't exist in the first place.

@BathroomOnTheRight The women are never to blame. They are doing it because of mens seedy needs and lack of opportunities. Most have had some kind of negative sexual encounter when younger, or abuse, that has lead them to think men only value them for their bodies.

If you would never do it, as I never would, then we've been lucky enough to not have been treated so badly by MEN when younger that it has lead to earning money to exist for MENS pleasure. Have some support for your fellow woman.
Did your husband cheat with a prostitute? That's on him

No, you're still not getting it!!!!!!

Both are not to blame. They only exist due to demand from men. They only stay open due to men using them.

The nwn who use them have a responsibility to their life partners. The sex workers do not.

Why the particular distaste for the women though? I really don't get the vitriol. It seems to be part of the Madonna/whore view of women.

@BathroomOnTheRight If women didn't choose to do this, they'd be forced.. which many are!
Men will always find a way to keep it going.

BOTH are, but the woman chose to debase herself by entering that industry which imo makes her worse.