Dh had a lapdance. I feel broken

[Rabbithole90]

I always thought I would be ok if he ever did it. Never goaded him doing it whatsoever or encouraged but he's come home from a stag do and spent OUR money on it. £40.

I feel cheated on. I know I've not been. But I can't help how I feel. I'm so upset

I’ve been on many, many stag nights and they all start, or end, or both, I’m stripclubs. I don’t know how many lap dances I’ve had but it’s a lot. My wife isn’t ecstatic about it but realises it’s just a bit of fun, some of you need to get a grip

No we don't, we set our own standards.

They're lying for their own agenda.

I worked in several. What the poster is saying is true.

I think women who do this sort of thing are vile and gross. But I don't think it's likely that they will be contributing to potential exploitation and human trafficking. I also don't think they will be helping to prop up a patriarchal and misogynist society. That's why I am less bothered by women doing this- although I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone who did.

I would be really upset but I don’t think I would end the relationship over it, especially given you’ve got children.

Ah well horses for courses

We're all entitled to our opinions and what we find acceptable, otherwise life would be very dull

It might not be genuine but I think everyone is referring to the responses from everyone telling them not to say and it's not cheating yet by some people on this thread even looking at a woman is cheating. There's always huge differences in reactions to men v women on here

I worked in one to pay for my legal degrees as an international student. I wasn’t actually a citizen of any country so was unable to get a student loan. I’m neither vile or gross. Neither were my colleagues who worked there to support their children or were trafficked and forced to do this. You’re so ignorant.

I know you’ll probably think “oh many people are students and manage to pay their fees waitressing or working in ASDA”… my uni fees in total cost over £190,000 (in 2004-2010). No amount of retail or hospitality jobs could have paid that. I’ve “given back” by doing so many pro bono cases over the years, largely for DV victims and Australia’s First Nation peoples population. I may be a lot of things, but vile certainly isn’t one of them. And as much as I hated the job, it got me to where I am today, where I can help others.

Your comment is actually very hurtful. I worked with so many ladies who were tricked and trafficked into the job. They had pure hearts, clearly much nicer than you.

I just have higher standards for my men and relationship. I expect just as much of myself too.

Agree. His poor wife. Wonder how he’d feel if she was the one stripping for the stag party? Likely not so fun then, hey.

'That' thread was a bating thread. Set up to catch women out - it didn't work. Sadly much of MN these days is targeted by people with an agenda. Rather than people looking for advice, some are here to troll.

Had you talked about lap dances before? Had you stated it as a hard no and so he's crossed a huge line? Only asking as in your original post you mentioned you thought you would be ok with it. I know things in reality then can feel different but if you maybe verbalised in the past you weren't bothered then he had no reason to know it was a line for you. You're more than entitled to your feelings but trying to balance out perspective

@Masterofhappydays Apologies. I was referring to women who go to strip clubs and have strippers at parties. Not the women who work in the clubs-of course they are neither vile nor gross.

Receiving lapdances on these lad type holidays has been normalised to some extent. When actually it’s fucking weird. Take the money out of it and ask would it be acceptable if he went on a night out and had a naked women write on him? NO. So why is it ok when it’s paid? It is NOT!

But women are gaslighted into accepting it and setting the bar low. It’s not something women should accept if they’re not ok with it.

Oops, sorry, my bad.

I would be absolutely raging over this OP - it is a complete breach of trust. Although having said that, I wouldn't break up the family over it.

*writhe not write 🤣

True ^^

Ps I have strong views obviously so I would also behave on a hen do when in a relationship. I went on a hen do where girls in relationships were doing dare cards such as ‘dance flirtily on the nearest guy’ or ‘slap a guys bum’ - just no.

Hello, my DH stag do was a curry followed by cocktails back at home with me and hens. I couldn't imagine a scenario ever where either one of us would entertain a strip club. Not amusing in any way. Complete deal breaker in my opinion.

Exactly. I'd never be with a laddy type or one who goes on stags etc as my standards are too high.
There are plenty of men out there who don't do laddy stuff or go down the pub in big groups
Sadly many women seem attracted to this sort as maybe they come across as more manly? And then are shocked when they do shit like this

I do agree. Not all all that it’s the woman’s fault but easier to avoid these types of men all together.

I’m also not attracted to these types of men. I also think it’s pseudo-manliness - these types of lads in my experience seem quite concerned with appearing by manly which for me has the opposite effect.

And if one lad dares to go against them it’s all ‘what’s wrong with you you pussy, ayyy he’s whipped!’ Gross.

I prefer the sensitive types of men who respect women.

@QueefQueen80s

if you trust your husband why would you mind him going on stags or to the pub with mates?

Think she is on about big laddy pub days not generally going down to the pub or a stag in general