Hi,
First and foremost, I’m so sorry this has happened to you, you sound in utter shock and disbelief.
Trying to take logical action when you’re feeling like this often feels impossible so as easy as it is for others to tell you what you should/shouldn’t be doing - it’s normal to find it difficult to process and to take logical steps.
although I know a lot of peoples advice and telling you to ‘just do this’ is from a good place but I’ve also seen some quite judgemental comments asking why you’ve not done X - it’s not helpful.
Please can people bear this in mind, that it takes on average 7 attempts before a woman feels able to leave and 50+ incidents before help is sought.
Take things step at a time, try not to think too far ahead, it will be far to overwhelming. Try focusing on just tomorrow.
first step is to perhaps speak to someone close to you or a professional in confidence?
there’s national helplines and local centres you can contact just to perhaps offload and get some impartial information / advice. Independent domestic violence advisers are fantastic and can give you lots of helpful information and support.
24/7 DV line here and they have an online chat too: tel:08082000247
https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/en/Chat-to-us-online
second: regardless of whose house it is, if you did ever want him to leave so you could take some space to figure things out, you can ask the police to issue a DVPO - domestic violence prevention order. You don’t even have to provide a full statement but you would need to report it initially to them: https://liverpooldomesticabuseservice.org.uk/what-is-a-domestic-violence-protection-order-dvpo/
if you report to the police that doesn’t necessarily mean you HAVE to give a statement and the case will go to court, so even just calling them, getting this logged and having giving an initial account could be a manageable first step. IDVAs can support you with this. The police will attend your address to speak to you both.
do bear in mind that if you do give a full written or video statement you could be bound to attend court if he was ever charged.
Finally, protecting yourself and your child is paramount, please do what you can / it feels safe to do. I want you to be aware that if the is does come out at some point, you need to be seen to be protecting your child and if you are not taking reasonable steps then social care could be involved. I don’t want to scare you but when there’s a child in the home, a lack of action could be used against you :(
the DV helpline can help you find emergency accommodation if you ever need it so please do save that number in case you ever need it in an emergency.
you’re not alone and none of this is your fault.
x