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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My partner just slapped me

477 replies

yvonneb13 · 23/07/2023 22:43

I'm in shock maybe disbelief I'm a little drunk after being at a festival and my partner phoned me to say our little boy wasn't settling I said I'd get the bus home which I thought was 9pm turns out it was 9;15 so I got home late he went absolutely mental doesn't want to be with me anymore called me so many names and then slapped me across the face and saying if I don't get out his way he's going to batter me I've been with this man for 13 years and this is the first time ever I've seen this side of him I'm currently crying in the living room and he's in the bedroom and I'm just in shock I'm gonna leave him I never thought in a million years he's ever hurt me and hear I am with a sore cheek that's all red it's not fair because I never go out in always the one who looks after the baby and the one night I don't rush to be home when he said I get this I honestly can't believe it

OP posts:
LakieLady · 24/07/2023 07:33

Hope you're ok, OP.

Please, please end this relationship. This man has hit you once, and is likely to do it again. DA doesn't stop at just one incident ime. It escalates.

Even if you can't end it for your own sake, do it for the sake of your baby. You cannot bring a child up in an environment where one parent's response to minor inconvenience is violence.

If he cannot control his temper with his partner, he not be able to do so with a child.

I've seen too many women and children massively fucked up by living in a family where the father resorts to violence, please don't become another one.

Doggymummar · 24/07/2023 07:35

Please leave

KTSl1964 · 24/07/2023 07:39

Hi op this is how it started with my ex - it didn’t stop - please consider leaving him - what’s the house situation - own or rent - you could also speak to women’s aid if your in UK. He’s put you in your place - he can’t cope with a crying baby - I would not leave him alone with the baby again - he could have shook the baby - he is responsible for what he did - a lot of abusers blame there partner “it’s your fault” - it’s not - he is responsible for his own feelings and how he deals with them.
Do you have family support or friends you can talk to. Abuse fuels on secrecy and shame. IT IS NOT FAULT. 🌺

CarolynKnappShappy · 24/07/2023 07:45

peekaboob · 24/07/2023 00:26

You must call the police.

You must do this and have a paper trail - trust me on this. Getting the police involved and yes have him charged insist on it.

otherwise there will be no trail and his word against yours

NewHairCat · 24/07/2023 07:46

So did he lie to get you back home? Seems like your baby was asleep after all and he lied and said he wasn't settling.

Please don't forgive him this morning.

My mum and dad would have arguments like this then by the morning all would be forgiven. Until next time. When it all starts again.

Please stick to your plan and leave with your baby.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 24/07/2023 07:46

Domestic abuse victims still get free legal aid. I’d report it to the police.

Last-thing you want now is him being given overnight access to a child.

You did nothing to deserve it.

OrlandointheWilderness · 24/07/2023 07:50

I hope you are okay OP.

berryhol · 24/07/2023 08:05

although there is no excuse, for 13 years and this to be totally out of character suggests a problem with his mood. Is he depressed? A lot of men struggled with depression after having a baby but don’t talk about it. Can you stay somewhere else and insist if there is any chance of you working on the relationship he has to firstly, never lay a finger on you again and secondly, get help

Lessonsinbiology · 24/07/2023 08:08

So basically the first time you do something for yourself, he hits you.
This is a warning to never put yourself first again.

Listen to all the advice above and act. Put you and your baby first from now on.

Naddd · 24/07/2023 08:17

yvonneb13 · 23/07/2023 22:48

Baby's asleep luckily didn't wake up through the whole thing I just can't t believe it's it's so unfair be genuinely does what wants and h don't do anything and he's acting like in the bad one for going out one night and the baby not settling it's just so unfair he goes out most weekends and im here and I do everything for him washing cooking cleaning and I just don't deserve it I'm packing a bag right now of essentials and I'm out of her what a waste of 13 years

Show quote history

So the baby was asleep, so there was no issue with him or her settling? Just an excuse to get you home it seems.

You were at most 15 mins after you said you'd be. It seems as though he just wants you to stay home whist he can do whatever he likes.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 24/07/2023 08:18

Just checking in on you this morning.
Hope you managed to get some sleep. You're going to need a clear head.

I'll bet he'll jump on any fuzziness and make you either feel like it was all your fault/you've exaggerated what happened or that he is deeply sorry and it was very out of character/he's going to get help.

The main thing you need this morning is space. You need to reflect on what happened, how you felt, how you feel, how this could impact your child etc.
Take a photo of your face. Take screen shots of this thread. If you don't feel quite up to reporting to police right now, that's okay. Gather your evidence for when you feel ready. Obviously sooner better than later but you have to make that decision.

Atsocta · 24/07/2023 08:29

Phone the police and take photo of your face x

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 24/07/2023 08:31

I have a feeling OP won't come back to this thread.

BravoMyDear · 24/07/2023 08:32

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/07/2023 23:10

Why do you say she's drunk? She doesn't say that. She doesn't mention alcohol at all, does she?

Show quote history

It’s literally in the first line of the OP

B72 · 24/07/2023 08:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

butterpuffed · 24/07/2023 08:37

Yes OP did say that , I think it's muddling her as she said she was in the lounge and H in bed . Then she said she was packing essentials and leaving then she was in bed with her baby . Hopefully the morning will clear her head and she can make plans .

MintJulia · 24/07/2023 08:38

OP, please, if you can't call the police, tell your mum or your closest friend.

Now he has started, he won't stop. Next time it will be a fist, not a slap.

I know it's hard but your child is at risk, as well as you.

Themisthefacts · 24/07/2023 08:47

Hope you are ok this morning OP

Original poster
yvonneb13 · 24/07/2023 08:48

I'm ok I managed to sleep he's not here he left and I'm not sure where he's away to I didn't hear him leave

OP posts:
BlastedPimples · 24/07/2023 08:50

Please make sure you are safe.

ManyATrueWord · 24/07/2023 08:51

Please don't think this is a one off. Domestic violence often starts when children arrive. I hope you called the police.

AndyMcFlurry · 24/07/2023 08:51

I hope you are coping Ok this morning @yvonneb13 . I know you are very shocked and upset but you need to call the police as Pp have said. If he thinks he has got away with this he will do it again . He is also a risk to your baby.

Please report this and get whatever help you need from your family and friends to leave this man.

fishface343 · 24/07/2023 08:53

Why do people do this with these threads? Some of you almost take it personally that she hasn't immediately followed your advice.

You are strangers on the internet. She doesn't have to follow your orders. Not everyone has money to immediately check into a hotel or family who can come and help. Calling the police can be scary and it's a move you can't take back and it could have implications for the baby involved too.

Fwiw I think she should leave. He sounds like an abusive wanker. But for those making comments like 'op won't come back to this thread' and 'are you evening listening' and 'why haven't you called the police' - just remember it isn't about you.

Seasideanticscanleadtosandybuckets · 24/07/2023 08:56

Can you lock him out?

TheLadyofShalott1 · 24/07/2023 08:57

fishface343 · 24/07/2023 08:53

Why do people do this with these threads? Some of you almost take it personally that she hasn't immediately followed your advice.

You are strangers on the internet. She doesn't have to follow your orders. Not everyone has money to immediately check into a hotel or family who can come and help. Calling the police can be scary and it's a move you can't take back and it could have implications for the baby involved too.

Fwiw I think she should leave. He sounds like an abusive wanker. But for those making comments like 'op won't come back to this thread' and 'are you evening listening' and 'why haven't you called the police' - just remember it isn't about you.

Well said @fishface343