My partner just slapped me

[yvonneb13]

I'm in shock maybe disbelief I'm a little drunk after being at a festival and my partner phoned me to say our little boy wasn't settling I said I'd get the bus home which I thought was 9pm turns out it was 9;15 so I got home late he went absolutely mental doesn't want to be with me anymore called me so many names and then slapped me across the face and saying if I don't get out his way he's going to batter me I've been with this man for 13 years and this is the first time ever I've seen this side of him I'm currently crying in the living room and he's in the bedroom and I'm just in shock I'm gonna leave him I never thought in a million years he's ever hurt me and hear I am with a sore cheek that's all red it's not fair because I never go out in always the one who looks after the baby and the one night I don't rush to be home when he said I get this I honestly can't believe it

May I ask, how old is your baby?

5months

@yvonneb13 I started reading your thread last night and came on again to look and see how you are doing. Can I just say you should be really proud of yourself for leaving it’s a massive step and you are so strong for doing it! I know it doesn’t feel like it now but it will get easier just reply fighting for you and your baby 🥰 Sending you lots of love and strength ♥️ xx

You have been incredibly brave OP. And I agree with what someone else said - no many women leave the first time. You really have shown what a strong woman you are despite maybe not feeling like it right now.

Lots of women feel they need time to think and process and may stay someone else temporarily, but this 'no man's land' leaves them vulnerable to coercion, apologies, manipulation etc and find to so easy to go back before they know it.

Your mum knows what is best for you now and you are doing the best for your baby x

Oh well done!

You've done absolutely the right thing, and brilliant that your mum's being supportive. Don't forget the doctor appointment for you and baby - get checked over and ensure they know what happened and that you have a police reference number.

It might be an idea to leave one avenue of communication open in case he starts threatening - you'll need that evidence as a 'paper' trail for any future proceedings. But don't get involved, don't get into conversation or arguments or anything other than any necessary factual information or instructions to keep away.

Hopefully you have a chain on the door and window locks?

If you return home to collect belongings please do not go alone. It's best to take a man with you if you can get someone to help you, they respect men more.

Well done OP on being so firm with your decision making and your boundaries around communicating with him. Although your mum is a great support system please remember that it is you who is acting so bravely so credit yourself with that and recognise how amazing you are.

I hope you got some more sleep last night.

Stay strong OP, you’re an inspiration.

Can I just say, I know that your mum is looking after you….. but just make sure you are the mother. Sometimes mums have the temptation to ‘mother everything’ and also there is protection mode - mum makes all the decisions as she feels you need looking after. Don’t slip back into child mode. Appreciate her, yes and please don’t take this the wrong way, I’m sure you are but mother up too. Please don’t take that the wrong way.

You are an adult woman and a mum and capable of making good decisions - you’ve made good ones. You reacted in a normal way to a traumatic event and wanted communication from the man you trusted about his actions, you sought help and support, you visited the police, you’ve made a statement, btw insist on charges being brought and an update from them. Don’t let anyone minimise what happened to you.

what are you doing today?

take the baby out to a park or swimming on your own ? Or a play group? Or make a nice salad for lunch? Small steps

Get someone else to go and insist on the police being there - is my advice or go when you know he is out with a large number of friends and get everything in one go.

It's been two days, FFS! Surely OP's allowed longer than that before people start trying to guilt-trip her and tell she needs 'to mother up'. What a nasty post.

good god. Wow. Just wow.

Actually yours was the nasty one. I’m just speaking from experience. When you are vulnerable - it is easy for others to take over. In some ways that is good but also can feel you are not appreciate someone who takes over and have to follow them / their ideas.

as I said in my post the OP is a brave amazing woman and has made good decisions.

Ive deal with this in real life and sometimes the parents take over, protective instincts kick in - advice is good. Just sometimes parents or others can take over. The mother up comment in my post wasn’t implying anything negatively - OP you are a great mum and doing a great job.

Ok clearly I didn’t phrase it right and I’m sorry ! Op no offence was meant.

Mine wasn't nasty at all, just matter of fact. Poor OP is only two days into the most incredible traumatic experience and is seeking solace with her mother, who is helping her get some rest by taking the baby at night, and your response was come onto the thread and tell her to 'mother up'.

I also see I'm not the only poster appalled by it.

How about we just accept that CarolynKnapShappy made her post with good intentions and came from a sincere place.

We all know that when words are written they can be misconstrued by the readers.

Let’s just focus on who matters, which is the OP, I’m pretty sure that coming to this thread and seeing arguments taking place is not going to help her or make her want to keep coming back.

We don’t want her to feel driven away from what has been a really supportive thread so far because unpleasantness has crept in.

Agreed @MyTruthIsOut - and @CarolynKnappShappy might have made a valid point in the context of the longer term, as OP begins to rebuild her life.

This won't be an overnight adjustment, though. In the shorter term OP has done a very courageous thing and needs time to process what has happened, to regroup, and to be cared for by those closest to her.

The protection of her family's presence is also a good idea in the early stages following separation. It's well known that the stage when abusive men have just recently lost control of her partners is the most dangerous time.

Hiding under the duvet and catching up on restorative sleep seems a good way to go for now. In the longer term, yes, assuming an independent life is important, but that is tomorrow's problem.

Well said. Please don't let this thread become a bun fight or get derailed, we are all here in support of the Op and with plenty of good advice from posters who have been through the same thing.

You have been very very brave!!! VERY well done!!!

How about we just accept that CarolynKnapShappy made her post with good intentions and came from a sincere place.

Yes lets do that. Lets all stick together for this OP and not squabble. Its the intention that matters.
Rooting for you yvonneb13

OP, WELL DONE!!! I applaud and celebrate you through the internet waves!

You are being an EXCEPTIONAL mother right now. What you have done is remove your baby from a dangerous situation the instant danger was apparent. You've modeled what to do when someone hits you - LEAVE! And report! You are keeping yourself and your baby safe - what a shining example of bravery, motherhood and strength you are showing right now, and how proud your child will be when they are able to look back and see how their mum acted.

I'm so, so proud of you. Keep going, keep loving yourself and your baby. Remain vigilant and focus on your bright, beautiful future, as hard as it may be right now. We are all with you.

Absolutely right, tattygrl. All respect to you, OP. I'm sure like others, I keep checking back on you. You are doing brilliantly.

Here are a few things you need to think about in time, in no special order.
He will get angry by your strength resilience, I suggest you font bate the beacontact him by email & tell him this will be the only means of communication
That way you have a dated & written proof of all that happens over the next period
If you have a joint bank account, remove half, or what is yours.
Change your passwords to your personal bank account or Open a new bank account, make sure there is no paperwork sent to your joint address.
Whose flat is it? Who's names? Who pays? How are you planning to deal with that?
Who's names on the bills? Etc.
Is there a joint cloud? If so change the log in. You do not want him seeing your online activity
Change your log ins, for all social media, unfriend him in fb & tighten security
Have you got your important paperwork? Baby's BC , passport?
If not you need to go & get your stuff with a man, or when he is out.
He will lose or hide things to punish & hurt you, do this while he us still in disbelief.
Practice Grey Rock
Remember you cannot keep the baby from him indefinitely, he has rights & it will not go down well if you ignore them. As much as thus will hurt you.
Find out what benefits you are entitled to
Cut off internet & Sky if you pay !
Sorry its Big list.
You can tackle one thing a day....

Bate the bear, sorry

I’ve seen a few posts about pressing charges and insisting on charges.
all the OP can do is report the incident and state she is willing to support the case should it progress. Victims of crime have no say or influence on if a case will be charged. It’s down to the police investigate and put the case together and the CPS to charge.
OP, you’ve done as much as you can on this front now, as much as you can, let the police deal with the assault and you focus on yourself and the baby x

Sending lots of love again today, OP. Hope you're still being well looked after

OP, well done well done!!!! You are doing all the right things for you and your son, and I'm so glad you are staying strong. Sending love and hugs .