My partner just slapped me

[yvonneb13]

I'm in shock maybe disbelief I'm a little drunk after being at a festival and my partner phoned me to say our little boy wasn't settling I said I'd get the bus home which I thought was 9pm turns out it was 9;15 so I got home late he went absolutely mental doesn't want to be with me anymore called me so many names and then slapped me across the face and saying if I don't get out his way he's going to batter me I've been with this man for 13 years and this is the first time ever I've seen this side of him I'm currently crying in the living room and he's in the bedroom and I'm just in shock I'm gonna leave him I never thought in a million years he's ever hurt me and hear I am with a sore cheek that's all red it's not fair because I never go out in always the one who looks after the baby and the one night I don't rush to be home when he said I get this I honestly can't believe it

Yeah I bet he has. Damage limitation.

He crossed a line and broke the law though.

Glad you are away from him, well done. I hope your mum is being supportive to you. Unfortunately for me when I confided in my mum re abuse from my hubby she said "do u think he's not interested in you because you have grey hair." And then continued to say ...'if you avoid him and dont give him sex he will stray. Go back to him." FYI...she is still tolerating abuse from my dad to this day. Very sad indeed.
I haven't confided in her since. I'm rooting for you.

Block. Reprint him to the police. Do not let him ever come near you again.

I know how shocking and horrible this is.

I know you want to believe he won't do this again but he will. And if you let him back, he will take that as you accepting his behaviour.

I made that mistake. And I regret it so much for my children.

Block his number, contact the police, let your mum look after you.

Br prepared for a phase of lots of sorry, then when that doesn't work for that to flip into anger and punishment and threats. If you can see it coming and you're expecting it, it won't be as much of a shock.

Contact Women's Aid if you can, they are there to help you and have heard it all before and can help you come up with a plan.

You are being incredible strong OP - I know how easy it can be to fall for all the “sorry” tripe and also how hard it can be not to pick the phone up or reply to the texts.

im glad you have your mum for support and I’m sure she’s doing a good job of keeping you propped up and reinforcing how wrong your DH was and how you deserve so much better.

I agree with all previous posters who say that after men have done it once they will always do it again. If you go back to him it will show him that being slapped is behaviour you are willing to accept. And generally the violence only gets worse over time.

The thought of being apart after 13 years must be very scary but it’s far better, and safer, than the alternative.

Seems like he initially thought he could pretend he never hit you and you would play along.
Now he's realised you won't, he's worried about himself and the consequences of his actions.

I hope he doesn't manage to talk you round.

They never just hit you once.

OP please listen to the advice of those who have been in your position in the past and don't let him talk you round because it will happen again. He's following the abuser's script. He's not sorry.

Yeah, he will threaten suicide next, and when that doesn’t work, he’ll get really nasty and threaten you with taking the baby away, 50/50 etc. All bollocks of course.

Your life will be a million times better without this horrible person in it.

I helped my daughter under similar circumstances. She was crying a lot so I looked after her, while my OH took the children.
She eventually met a lovely, gentle man. They don’t live together all the time but plan to do so in the future.

You are being amazing! It might not feel like it yet but you've stood up to him, left him to keep you and the baby safe, confided in your mum, stood firm when he tries to contact him.
And all the time you're moving towards a better place.
There will be lots of 'what if' moments. 'What if I'd stayed', 'What if I'd said that', 'What if hurts himself' but you've made a brave choice in tricky circumstances and you've got thyself and your baby to a place of safety.
Police and Women's Aid today. They've got the experience and resources to help you. Plus keep posting on here, we're here for you!
Can you block his number? I know that's really hard (been there) but knowing you won't hear from him might help you relax a bit

Thyself?! Yourself, obviously. We need an edit button!

Please @yvonneb13 irregardless of any texts and call from him, get this documented!. Take lots of pictures and keep any texts in which he admits hitting you and try to get it documented by the gp. Please find the strength to do this. You will need it.

You are doing great OP. It's so hard he will start minimising what he has done and then blame you for it. Try to remember how scared you were when it happened until you get yourself somewhere more permanent. You and DC deserve to live free from fear

I hope you do ring the police.

Let your mum answer the phone or even better a dad or brother, if you’ve got one.

I’d be very happy to have words with any man who laid his hands on my daughter. The conversation would involve his meat and two veg and a carving knife.

On a serious note, don’t have any direct communication with him.

Wowsers...he was stark raving mad!. Men will have mental health issues and won't seek help and expect women to accept bad treatment because of "love"

I hope you didn't answer!

Please block him.

Keep going as far from him as possible.

He will play every trick in the book - manipulation, I'm sorry, I'm suicidal..

He will never be safe to be around again and I wouldn't let him near my child unsupervised.

Someone else put it perfectly - he was enraged and incensed that you DARED to go out and have fun AND left him to care for the baby. A woman's job. A job he cannot do himself. I worry about how he behaved with DC while you were out.

I am so so SO incredibly tired of MEN projecting their misogyny and INADEQUACIES onto women just because they can't handle them.

It is the most pathetic and WEAK thing to do.

DONT let him do this to you.

Don't look back.

Leave him embarrassed and ashamed, or worse, seething with anger than your a strong bloody woman who won't let that happen twice and has given him the finger.

Leave him having to explain to everyone why you've split.

Leave him to explain to your child when their older why you split.

I hope the shame never leaves him.

Hi op I’ve read all your posts, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m also so glad you left and so happy you told someone. Your mum sounds amazing. What he did was wrong, he should be ashamed of himself. One night with a child who won’t settle does not mean you turn to violence, he clearly couldn’t cope. I’m glad you are going to report to the police, it’s the best thing to do to keep yourself and your child safe.

He's doing that because he thinks he's lost you. Remember when he thought you were waiting home for him he didn't even apologise. If you had stayed home he would still be 'punishing' you.

Stay strong, you deserve better xxx

Absolutely this. This is the script for men like him, so you need to be aware.

You will get countless sorrys, then when it doesn't work he will start getting nasty and using emotional blackmail. He will say "How could you do this" "I thought you loved me" "You know I love you more than anything" "Think of our child"

THEN, when that doesn't work, he will start being really nasty. You'll get "You're a terrible mother/partner" "You can't survive without me" "You've ruined our family" etc etc.

THEN, when that doesn't work, the sorry's will start again.

THEN, when that doesn't work he will blame you for his mental health. You will be driving him to suicide. He can't live without you. If he can't have you he doesn't want to live.

THEN, when that doesn't work he will threaten to take your child away. He will say that you're mentally unstable and can't care for him yourself. He will say he's going to court for full residency and at the very least he will get 50/50 and you will be kept apart from your child - and it's all your fault.

FYI - It's all bollocks. He's an abuser, and if you don't leave now it will happen again. And again. And again. Over a long period of time. He will grind you down, he will make feel worthless, like you need him, like you can't cope without him. You will have no friends, he will cut you off from your family. And you will be so alone. One day you might have the strength to leave, but it will be so hard without the support you have now. Your child will be at an age where he can manipulate him/her and get them onside.

OP. I and many others on this thread have been there. I'm sure we all agree we had left much earlier than we did. If you can do anything for your child right now, it would be to get them to a safe place away from this abuser, so they can grow up in a safe and happy home and not be subjected to this.

You can do this.

You have done the right thing by leaving with your baby to keep you both safe.
he will try all the tricks to manipulate you back and then to make you look awful for ‘breaking up the family’ his family and friends will wade in to minimise and try and make you go back for the ‘sake of the baby’.
leave him, block him and communicate only via email. Screenshot any messages and store as he could delete.
go to the police, they were amazing in my case and very very good at domestic abuse now.
as you recover from this you will see the pattern of abuse has been there for years and you haven’t seen it. This is coercive and controlling behaviour as well, new laws in place to protect from this.
today marks 6 years since I left my abuser, I’d tried to leave before and it got worse and worse. I didn’t want my kids to see my ground into the dirt by him anymore. I left with a 1 &4 year old in tow.
police got alsorts of orders to protect me with a NMO. He has never laid a finger in me, but the threats were there in our case.
women’s aid, your local council will have a DV support worker/ group, Don’t Look Back is a good start for support.
id you can find a local Freedom Programme that will help you see the stereotypical pattern of the abuser.
you are not alone to keep speaking out.
you are amazing.
huge huge hugs

1. Get yourself a bottle of Dr Bach's Rescue Remedy and keep taking it through the day. It really helps.

2. Divorce - insist on getting Full Sole Guardianship and Full Custody so he has no access rights. Insist on maintenance payments for yourself (so you don't have to go out to work, and can be a full-time mother to your child), as well as for your child's needs. Think ahead - school fees, clothing, outings, food, etc.

3. Well done - you've put yourself on the right path to a much better and more fulfilling future. You may mourn the relationship, but that can and will be remedied when you meet a better, more well-adjusted partner. You will also be a wonderful role model for your child as a person who respects herself, and is not a punching bag and doormat.

4. Eleanor Roosevelt: "A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water."

OP

These situations appear on here regularly and I have never ever seen one person come and comment who said "oh this happened to me and my DH realised he was wrong, became a changed man, started treating me like a queen and it never happened again!"

This behaviour is who he really is. It's only because youve been compliant with him so far that it hasnt happened before. He will never change and you need to get out NOW. Its hard to think youve wasted years with him, but you are still so young! You will find a better, lovelier person I promise you. You are stronger than you think, especially with your mum behind you

You'll probably find in a night or two you go to bed and pass out for the night. Everyone hits the wall of exhaustion eventually. It'll get easier after a couple of those.

Everyone talking about how his sort never change, only get worse. The thing is, even if he did change, you'd spend your whole life half expecting him to suddenly batter you again...perhaps infront of the child too!

And a life lived in fear is no life.

Not to mention, how could you forgive someone who claims to love you but can do that to you...so to live with someone like that would crush your self esteem. And your spirit. So basically, irregardless of whether or not abusers can change...it doesn't matter. Because it doesn't change what he did.

He is icy. And he means you harm. And once you see that it cannot be unseen. It's a cutting journey. It changes you to see that in someone whom you loved. But provided you can recognise that it is THEIR issue, not yours and get away, you'll come through the other side of this a stronger person. Even though it doesn't feel that way right now.

And when your kid is grown, I bet they'll be really proud of their mum. And how she said no to a toxic relationship, and chose herself and her child instead.

Stay strong and report him to the police