My partner just slapped me

[yvonneb13]

I'm in shock maybe disbelief I'm a little drunk after being at a festival and my partner phoned me to say our little boy wasn't settling I said I'd get the bus home which I thought was 9pm turns out it was 9;15 so I got home late he went absolutely mental doesn't want to be with me anymore called me so many names and then slapped me across the face and saying if I don't get out his way he's going to batter me I've been with this man for 13 years and this is the first time ever I've seen this side of him I'm currently crying in the living room and he's in the bedroom and I'm just in shock I'm gonna leave him I never thought in a million years he's ever hurt me and hear I am with a sore cheek that's all red it's not fair because I never go out in always the one who looks after the baby and the one night I don't rush to be home when he said I get this I honestly can't believe it

Send one message. “Stop trying to contact me and Mum. This is harrassment and I am going to block your number from now.”

Oh hell, not another one of those. ⬆💤

It happens every single domestic abuse thread. Without fail. And it's as inappropriate here as it is in any context where domestic abuse victims are being encoraged to overlook the abuse. This advice is nothing short of dangerous: often has nefarious motives, and these posters have been around on MN for a while.

You've otherwise had excellent advice on this thread OP (aside from the kind of wild card above). As for abusive men, once they've struck you even once you are never safe. They've all never done this before - until they do. And it always escalates.

You've been enormously strong, although it doesn't feel like that at the moment. Pregnancy and childbirth is also a known trigger for abuse. Keep yourself and your baby safe.

Sending all support and positivity your way

PS. It's devastating to see your relationship end so suddenly and in such appalling circumstances, but in one respect you're lucky. Your Mum is a diamond!

I salute you OP. You are one of the few women who were able to take their chance and left immediately. I do realise that some women do not have family to go to, and are bereft financially and maybe dependent on the abuser, but you did it. Your posts will be an inspiration to others in the same boat.

Do Not Engage. Deal with him through a mediator/solicitor if necessary, otherwise as others have said he will use every trick in "the script" to get you back under his thumb again.

Wishing you good luck and a happier future without him.

Me and mum went to the Police today and I have blocked his number he's still tried to contact mum but she never answered. I suspect if they go round and speak to him he will get a clear message I'm still very upset can't stop crying can't eat anything but I'm so so so glad I have this to vent on it's really really
Helping me thank you all so so so much

Well done, you have done absolutely the right thing. It needed to be on the record in case of future incidents / threats, and for potential future access discussions. And also to let him know you're serious and he needs to stay away.

Don't soften. Stay strong. You're being a BRILLIANT mum.

@yvonneb13 well done for going to the police. That can’t have been easy but you have done the right thing and protected yourself by doing so. I can imagine he thought by disappearing and ignoring you that you would be let it go and just be glad he was still there. Thank god you left though and didn’t play his game. Its good your mum is there with you, she’s exactly the support you need right now. I can imagine he’s panicking now, this won’t have panned out as he thought and now he’s no longer in control. Would he try and come round to your mums?

I want to say no but given the circumstances I wouldn't put anything past him now

Of course its a terrible shock.

You poor pet.

Your mum is wonderful, just like you are a wonderful mother.

Both of you doing the right thing by your children.

This is shocking and so hard, but you are brave and strong and you will get through this.

Take it an hour at a time.

You don't have to do or decide anything.

You have done the two bravest best things.

You left, you contacted the police.

Be so proud of yourself.

You kept both you and the baby safe👏👏.

Don't ask anymore of yourself right now.

Oh, well done, you amazing strong woman. It was absolutely the right thing to do, to go to the police. You are really acting to protect your baby.

Well done OP, that was the right thing to do. Try to rest at your mum's and eat a little if you can. You took a big step today, let your mind recover a little before making any further decisions.

Well done, OP.

I hope the police gave you some good advice re dealing with him going forward.

When you go to bed tonight and your head hits the pillow, say 'I've done everything I needed to do for today'. It's like finishing a book or solving a complicated math problem. Your brain can go 'ah that's that then'. And you might be able to drop off to sleep. A book of short stories or a graphic novel with shorts like 'oor wullie' might help too. Giving your brain something to workthrough and complete so it finishes something qnd doesn't have to ruminate further.

Hopefully you get a better rest tonight.

But it might take a few more days.

Did the police say they were going to speak to him? Hopefully they'll keep you uupdated :)

I think you are wise to not put anything past him. Most abusers are at heart cowards, but it's better to be cautious and 'hope for the best but prepare for the worst'.

Do try to eat a little something. It doesn't matter what, just a few bites of anything that sounds good. It will help 'kick start' your appetite. For me, it was mashed potatoes with butter and/or butterscotch pudding, but only the way my mum made them.

I applaud your courage.

Not to scare you, but it's when you first leave and they know they have lost control over you that men like this can be most dangerous.

Glad that you have your family with you for protection, and that the police are now informed. That is the best possible outcome in both respects.

Nonetheless, be vigilant.

I was told by the police to block all channels and then the DV charity help I received said to leave texting open. That way if he starts trying to communicate you can get a non-mol easier. Also, you don't want him just turning up and abusers are more likely to give you a heads up that they are going to approach you. And it keeps other members of your family safer as abusers will turn to any channel to get to you.

Well done 💪🏻

I hope you get some rest tonight

They didn't say if they were but they were amazing. But I'm
Guessing they will well I would of thought they would of

You have been really REALLY brave OP. You have acted decisively even though you are ( of course) devastated and reeling in shock.

And well done to your mum too, she sounds like a very strong lady.

Hope your LO allows you to get some sleep tonight.

I just wanted to say, again, how incredibly brave and strong you are.
When you feel ready maybe you (perhaps with your mum's help) could have a look at The Freedom Programme?

I have only just seen this thread but had to stop and say how strong you are OP. You might not feel like it at the moment but one day you will look back with pride and how you have handled this.

As for wasted years.. you have your baby! X

Well done.

he will follow the following strategies

1. minimise - it was an accident and you have over egged it to ‘get him into trouble’
2. say you started it or hit him first
3. beg forgiveness
4. scream at you that it’s your fault
5. go silent and disengage
6. send letters and apologies and flowers and beg for another chance
7. accuse you of having an affair when you say no
8. threaten you or your child
9. threaten to harm himself 10)which ever it is - and he will rotate the above the aim will be to get away with it and do it again and separate you from friends and family and your child

mind did all of the above at one point or another and still 10 years later denies he hurt me despite the police, hospital reports, photos and statements and the fact my eldest was there - he denies it ever happened.

he was desperate for me to go to the police and say I had lied and made it up - he would come back and be a proper husband and dad and we would be blissfully happy.

10 years later I’m single, my two kids are great. But thank god for that police report and holding fast and being truthful

Thank you X

Mums taking baby in to her room again tonight they've always been close so he'll be fine but I just feel bad but he's still gets up at least once or twice only way I'm gonna "attempt" to sleep is if I can be alone I think.