Just found ive been cheated on

[babygirl88]

After 6 years. My partners in the shower, i tapped his phone and saw another womans whatsapp message with an explicit message.

@oakleaffy thank you for thinking of me 🥹 i find myself thinking about the people on certain threads and its lovely to know people think of me.

My friend has really changed. She hasnt 'read the room' if you like. If i knew my friend was really in a bad way, i wouldnt send them 11minute voicenotes about weddings and rings and baby updates and photos of them on holiday. Im sure she's not but it feels a bit like 'oh well im happy so let me rub it in' of course she should tell me and i dont want anyone to feel how i feel, but to listen to someone talk for an hour about how happy they are and how things are perfectly falling into place, i get a 'so how u feeling' thrown in at the end to 'tick a box' and if i do talk, i can hear her scrolling on her phone and not really listening. She hasnt come over once in 2 months. Its sad but im putting it down to shedding season, im losing things i dont need. Ive never needed alot of people around me but sometimes it gets to 3/4 days and i havent said a word out loud, its quite hard.

I did tell my brother about the breakup, i didnt say what happened but he said that its a blessing i cant see yet.. i agree somewhat.

I am treating myself to whatever i want, ive got a big solo holiday planned and im saving loads, didnt realise how much money i spent on him!

I need to find a hobby for sure!

But i have had happy days and you're right, he isnt a great guy or partner.

@babygirl88 Your brother is a wise man.

He being a man probably saw right through your unfaithful ex.

It was my own dad that saw through my husband.

Your best friend sounds self absorbed- but as we all know- babies change a relationship, and it may not be all hunky dory for her down the line with her husband

Well done for booking the solo holiday- I've gone on holiday alone before several times {once after a breakup to a place where we were meant to be going together}- but it was lovely- yes, I felt a bit heart sore, but it was still nice to get away.

A hobby would be great.

You are so strong-well done! It's far from easy, but you are on a healing journey.

@oakleaffy I am proud because i feel like I'm actually healing. I havent jumped into distracting myself. ive been pursued by alot of men and could easily jump into dating to pass time and get an ego trip, but I am sitting with myself and allowing all emotions. Sometimes i feel angry and imagine shouting at him - would never happen as i cant argue for shit and he'd never let me get a word in. Then i feel a bit crap, then i think 'no fuck off' im successful and loyal, i look good and i have a clear conscience that ive never hurt anybody.

Do you believe in karma? Why does it feel like people like him always win and land on their feet?

Yea, im really looking forward to my holiday, its complete 5* luxury and somewhere my ex never wouldve wanted to go so im going for myself now!

*not been pursued by men recently as ive barely left the house! but there are friends of family and people i see locally that have all been really interested in me and always been waiting for me to be single and ive never even glanced at them or accepted the compliment. Im still not interested as im nowhere near ready but it feels sad that i was always like a puppet on a string out of my love for my ex, when maybe i couldve been married with children by now.

@JudyEdithPerry thank you. Cocoon is definitely the right word! I know it's alien to alot of people but I feel like its the only way for me to heal. I dont want to put a plaster on 17 years and run outside just to be busy. Im analysing, realising and accepting. I am lucky that I have a running business, a great brother and my independence - lonely or not. These things are mine and i do feel really grateful that I had no children, official or financial ties to him. All the ties were emotional and mental. I am really looking back at so much and seeing i wasnt that happy, i was just accepting it. What you all said would happen!

Thank you all for checking in x

So lovely to read from you @babygirl88 . (was with a different username).
I have been thinking about you. I logged to see if any updates from you.
So good to hear the progress you have made.

Anyone who is getting the tiny winy little bit of his good side, is also getting his massive ugly crap horrible side. It's a great imbalance and wasn't worth it for you and would not be worth it for whoever it is even if it looks 'perfect' on the outside.

When you emerge from your cocoon, you will be so ready for a good man.
Keep us updated. Tell us about your trip.

@Itistimeandiamscared thank you so much. You're so right about his good side, i think theres just always that fear that they'll be better for someone else when they werent good to you. But i have to remember he isnt good inside so the bad always end up coming out. I dont want to bash him because we had some lovely times together, but i see now it was because i kept quiet, didnt pull him up or express any upset when he hurt me. I was literally muted for so many years to try and keep and please him.

I feel quite emotional that people even remembered my experience, feels really lovely ❤️

So nice to hear you sound like you’re in a different place…. Still sad at times but not in the hole you were in before. You can see your worth!
I’m so happy to hear you have booked a holiday!

I went solo to West coast USA for nearly a month after a relationship ended.

The day I was supposed to be married, I was having a surreal experience, doing a ride along with Californian cops! Was amazing.
Not a relaxing luxurious holiday by any means, but I grabbed every opportunity I could, helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon/Vegas Strip/Hoover Dam; parachute jump in Las Vegas, saw concerts/theatre in Vegas, Baseball game on 4th July with amazing fireworks, Malibu, San Francisco, wine tasting, Al Jardine from Beach boys performing, Universal studios, Hollywood, LA, it was the best holiday I’ve had and I was travelling solo! (Part of it was organised tour, some my own making). If I’d been with someone else, there would have been compromises no doubt, but I pleased myself!

I know you keep yourself pretty private, but are there any old friendships you could reach out to? Any you miss?
So what sort of hobbies are you thinking?
I volunteer for Rainbows, Brownies…. Depends if you like kids!
What about the gym?

Or sign up for one of these monthly walking challenges? I did the RNLI last November, my friend is doing Breast Cancer this month as unfortunately I’ve recently been diagnosed.

I saw a swim challenge for Great Ormond St too this month.
Does that sort of thing interest you? X

You sound so much stronger than even you realise.

Of course it is an open wound, but you are receiving and most importantly hearing the good advice for poster's.

At nearly 60 I have listened to a fair few regrets from great woman, nothing worse than 40 years of regrets.

You have escaped him early enough to have a truly great life ahead of you.

Your brother is so right.

He was never good enough for you, hence why he wanted distance between you and your friends.

Bad men never want family and friends too close, they live in fear of being found out.

They know they are unworthy of who they are with.

You are an awesome woman for leaning into this pain, until you are fully emptied of it.

And you will be, I can guarantee it.

The day is coming where that dark cloud over your head will move slightly to no longer directly above you. Then it will slowly move just that further bit away, it's power over you weakening all the time.

You know in your head that you deserved so much better than him, and your heart WILL catch up and that ache will ease.

If you could seek out an excellent therapist, maybe online, to talk out loud to, it could be very helpful, as is the suggestion of even a little kitten that might not be too tieing down, perhaps your brother could help there for back up?

So delighted you are banking money and planning a wonderful trip.

You are in my prayers.
Stay strong, you HAVE got this.

@trixylittlehobbit wow! your trip to america sounded amazing. im going for a lazy trip 😂 sunbathing and lovely views.

I really dont know what to do with myself. Works runs itself and apart from accounts and emails / checking things are running. I dont physically need to be there or do much now its established, it can all be done from home. I have gotten into a routine which is ok for now but i dont want to stay in it forever.

Im not a sporty person, i wouldnt mind yoga or pilates but im so shy, it stops me joining things as im worried everyones in a clique already and ill feel the odd one out. My shyness doesnt even translate as shyness, it comes off like im stuck up and dont want to talk when id actually love to. I will look into whats on offer in my area and makes some enquiries, maybe starting with that will encourage me to get out of my comfort zone and home!

Thank you so much x

@billy1966 thank you. i do feel much stronger, i didnt think i could live without him.. ok im not living to my fullest potential at the moment, but i am eating and trying to make myself happy which i wasnt even a month ago.

The advice here has been so helpful, i often read back from the start and remind myself of them all. Im not doing amazingly, but im so much better than i was. Thankyou for being so kind x

Never been banned. Ever.

Glad to hear you are making good progress.

Don't think about his "good side". He doesn't have one. It's only a facade. Focus on the fact that he is such an utter bastard that he didn't even the decency to even say sorry, or contact you at all. He is a staggeringly selfish prick.

Good that you have a lovely holiday to look forward to. Take care x

@allmyliesaretrue thank you. he really is horrible. I honestly sit sometimes and just shake my head almost laughing at how randomly it all ended. Thank you. Will post some pictures when I get there x

He's a carbuncle on the arse of mankind!!

Would love to see some pics. Enjoy! x

Great description-🎯 and as PP have said , his ''nice'' side is but a façade- He's a vile narcissistic faithless creep and hopefully his willy will shrivel up and drop off. 👍

A carbuncle 😂

Or in Prince Charles's words : ''A Monstrous carbuncle!'' 😂

Hello
Found your thread tonight wanted to tell you your doing great.
My ex had an emotional affair with his "female friend" only emotional I believe because she lives in a different country! When I asked him to back off and tell her to back off he said he would just pack his stuff and leave instead so he did. That was 10 weeks ago. And nearlly 5 weeks since he blocked me on everything (for no reason BTW I wasn't even messaging him) so even though it wasn't physical it still hurts...I get it...I'm reading and I'm here xx

@Littlemisslonley aww thank you and im so sorry. Its so hard to cope with the actual hurt aswell as all the wondering and questions. How are you feeling?

I have been avoiding all photos in my phone because i have years and years of pictures of him or us. It was really hindering me as id saved and screenshotted really important things for work and appointments and i just couldnt look through them. Last night i went through and deleted over 3500 pictures, videos and even pictures when only part of him was showing. It was hard and emotional but very cleansing. Its starting to get easier, thanks for reaching out x

@babygirl88 , deleting those pictures is a massive step. Well done on you for being able to do that. You are letting go.

It is very difficult to be okay with erasing a big part of your own life history but these actions eventually make you feel lighter.
Instead of stayingbtethered to a past with someone who does not deserve a place in your life, it sets you free to move forward into your future. Well done.

*staying tethered

@babygirl88 well done!!! That's amazing a real step forward for you and now you can hopefully look at your phone without having to worry. I put all mine in a folder called zzzz I will delete soon I think. How many weeks since that horrible day is it for you?

I have 2 dcs who were close with ex dp so it's been emotional however its ok now I see his true colours its easier to move forward xx