Just found ive been cheated on

[babygirl88]

After 6 years. My partners in the shower, i tapped his phone and saw another womans whatsapp message with an explicit message.

I think you might be trapped in the moment if you haven't told anyone
Maybe now it's been 6 weeks it's time to start telling people - a new reality will help you move on

I think its a combination of reasons. I think its embarassment more than anything as people have known since i was really young how much i adore him and how hard i tried - the fact he wandered is humiliating. It also makes it more final maybe. I generally am not a talker and i keep most things to myself so not unusual. My misery doesnt enjoy company!

OW probably doesnt know hes attached especially if he said he was napping but out with you. Personally, because im a fooker, id screenshoot the messages (so he cant gaslight you) but also so i could ring her and say im not sure if you know hes in a relationship? Be cordial...even though upset. In all likelihood, shes oblivious. Then after that.. immediately after, id rip him a new one and fook him off.n

He's long gone now 😂 good to luck to them both

Was a lot of posts to read lol sorry OP. Will have quick read catchup before work x

Up to date now lok. Poor OP. what a bastard he was. Sometimes we dont get closure sadly, we have to get closure alone. All the best OP. ive been there, after 25 years he did same...and other stuff. That's why i take no crap from men now. Itll take a long time to recover, theres ups and downs, but it gets better. As long as no contact is adhered to...blocked...and no checking up on social media, makes it easier X

@Loubelle70 thankyou. just calculated it was 49 days ago which is a really symbolic number in buddhism so hopefully my healing can get underway. So sad thag so many people have felt this way and remember the feelings, the way i sobbed that weekend was like no other 😭

That's the spirit!!! Positivity...i like it. it only gets better, i thought i was dieing i was so grief stricken...all i could think of, i couldnt function. But it took a while until i thought fook him the arse, im not with him but his actions are still controlling me!..do i slowly got back out there and grabbed my life back.. i go out and socialize , a lot lol. I dont take any bs from men anymore. Ive changed, and for the better. Liberating. Youll get there, Reading your posts after, ive already noticed how far youve come in such small space, and thats amazing! All the best OP XX

@Loubelle70 100%. I said previously at least i am not high high then low low, just a consistent low. Its dark and lonely but this is how i heal and it will always hurt but it wont be dark forever. Thanks for reading the monstrosity that is my life 🥲 and your kind words x

@babygirl88 ♥️😁👍 xxx

Get a springer spaniel..they're faithful, get you out, funny, and you may meet a kinder other more honourable spaniel lover!
Don't waste one more second on this rat.
He ain't worth it!

Don't look back. The Good Lord gave you eyes in the front of your face for a good reason.

@Mac11 only forward 🙂

I absolutely promise you that you will look back on this time with such relief 😮‍💨 in three never mind five years time!
You have to go through this healing pain to be free.
You are like a wounded animal who has to retreat for a while to heal- but you WILL heal.

There are so many people ( men too) who have gone through this.

One of my friends was devastated by finding his partner ( a man) was unfaithful.

He said he’d break down crying at work in the breaks.

Suffering is very common when people cheat on us.

You are definitely not alone.
One day you too will be giving advice to the newly heartbroken-
But from a place of relief- because you will have healed, and can give others hope.
🤞

@JudyEdithPerry @oakleaffy thank you both.

I had quite a good day yesterday, my first i didnt cry. I spent some time in the pool with my nephew and then i fell asleep and woke up at 6pm 🙄 so to burn some time i actually had the bravery to go to the cinema alone. i was so worried id look like a creep but the cinema was virtually empty and there were at least 7 people who were alone. I enjoyed my film and popcorn and felt really good about it.

Thanks all for the support x

That's really nice to hear @Babygirl888.

FYI - I haven't read it btw, but the book 'The Unexpected Joy of Being Single' is supposed to be amazing.

I've heard of many girls reading this after a break up and finding it transformative and healing. Really learning to love appreciate the single life and being comfortable being alone.

Maybe give it a go! Xx

@babygirl88 Going to cinema alone is a great idea!
I know people- men and women - who actually prefer it to going with someone else.

I have been to cinema on my own, too. And to theatre and gigs.

Well done!

Im quite used to being on my own. Bit of a loner, I have a very limited time i can spend with most people and offen spent 90% of my time alone apart from with the idiot. He had loads of friends and i never have so its not a completely new thing, but to have had to strength to get up and actually go somewhere i wanted to go, especially a place i expected to see loads of couples, i feel really proud. 6 weeks ago, i thought i would actually die from heartache.. great progress, thanks ladies x

I think you sound like an amazing woman.

You are dealing with enormous grief.

But he wasn't a good man.

Walking on eggshells and his moods are not a good package for you to be with long term.

He has done you a favour, hard as it is.

The cinema on your own is heaven.
Lots of people think it is the most enjoyable treat, I always have.

Consider doing the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk to build up your boundaries too.

I think you are going to be feeling better sooner than you think.

Stay strong, you are amazing.

@billy1966 thank you so much, honestly, comments like yours are so helpful and make me feel really good about myself. especially as i still havent told anybody, i feel really supported on here.

thank you for the link, will have a look x

Hey Babygirl888… not heard anything for a while… trust you’re feeling somewhat better about things?

I do hope you’ve lifted yourself up, dusted yourself down and can see things a bit more clearly now. Hugs xx

@trixylittlehobbit Thankyou for checking in. I really appreciate it.

Im ok. Still a bit confused! I have good and bad days.

The good ones i feel really free and i feel a sense of peace as he hasnt got me on a rollercoaster everday and determining my happiness anymore. The bad, i wonder what he's doing, i hate the thought of his lovely side being given to someone else and i just miss him so much.

My eyes dart around when im out and i see a car the same colour as his ☹️ I dont think the knocks on the door are him anymore though. He's not coming to apologise and ive accepted that.

I imagine seeing him and what i would say and i end up in tears everytime. Even though im sad everyday, im not crying every minute of the day anymore. Im still probably more consumed by it than i should be though.

The lack of friends hasnt helped. He didnt like any of them, they didnt like him and after nearly 2 decades, people give up with you - which i understand. My close friend i spoke to the night it happened has gotten engaged and pregnant and its put some distance between us as she's on a happy/busy path at this moment and she barely even replies anymore - Which in some way is a relief as (terrible as it sounds) i feel in quite a bitter place and am finding it hard to be happy for people atm. I cant explain, i feel a bit like someone who had a miscarriage but see's everyone pregnant? If that makes sense?

Ive become a complete recluse and dont have anyone to do anything with anymore. But im saving lots of money, watching lots of tv and putting energy into my lovely home. Im trying.

Thank you for checking in, i love that you did x

Hi @babygirl88 I too wondered where you were and how you are doing.

Please don't become too reclusive - but while you heal, it's probably not so bad.

I'm really sorry that your so say good friend ''Put some distance between you'' -she's not a true friend.

But I too have gone through very deep lonely feeling times before - Hopefully you will meet new people-

I heard it said that most people have no more than five true friends in a lifetime- I'm much older than you, and actually agree- Really true friends don't quit on their friends.

You mention his ''Lovely side being given to someone else''- Is it really lovely? The fact he is a cheater- and leopards don't change their spots.

Have you considered a pet- I must admit a small quiet dog or cat is a great companion if you get one that suits your lifestyle- eg if you work from home.

I'll try to pin your thread to the top of ''I'm on'' to keep checking in to see how you are doing.

Bless you, Babygirl.