Just found ive been cheated on

[babygirl88]

After 6 years. My partners in the shower, i tapped his phone and saw another womans whatsapp message with an explicit message.

Couldn't agree with you more.

@TattoedLady @roses321 thank you both.

Today was a bit better, i got the all clear from the clinic so that was good news to hear. I was really productive in the morning, bedding, shopping, cleaning. And then when i sat down, the thought crept in so i had my little moment.

I was speaking to a friend yesterday and i said it used to be so up and down depending on his behaviour that now its just down, its almost feels better. Of course im not having the UP moments atm but the highs were too high and toxic and always because i tried to be the best so as not to aggravate his behaviour. Its was always my effort, my feelings compromised. I miss him but today before my moment, i felt ok which is better than the day before..

Hey look you're on the mend, this is great

There will still be crap moments but try to keep it together for your own sake.. you're doing great

@HeadacheEarthquake thank you 🧡

Keep on keeping on - you,ve got this, Lovely

I was speaking to a friend yesterday and i said it used to be so up and down depending on his behaviour that now its just down, its almost feels better.

The ups and downs are so addictive...the lows leave you reeling and the highs make you feel on top of the world, it's some awful toxic shit though. But look at you - productive day, moments of sadness but feeling ok too.

As for the "now its just down", I can promise you it's not down, life is on an even keel right now probably for the first time in a long time. You feel down and that's ok, it's totally normal. But don't confuse feeling down with life being down, because you're on your way up again. That feeling of ok that you felt today, it'll keep getting stronger over time. You're doing great, you really are.

@Damnedidont thank you x

@TattoedLady its so true. i became so addicted to trying to make his moods better, please him and get his approval. when he was nice to me, i felt like mary poppins floating through the sky, as soon as his mood changed id be crying and low and feeling helpless till he decided to be nice to me again, then back up in the sky i went. it was all dependent on him, i forgot about myself. looking back its really sad. but yes im managing to get up and out which 2 weeks ago i thought id never do again 😂 sounds so silly but i thought id die of a broken heart lol.

Weird to think that zero contact after getting cheated on is actually more peaceful than being in the relationship. Its hard not talking and wondering what he's doing, but im not on eggshells trying to be on 10/10 behaviour in the hopes that he'll be nice to me.

And you deserve peace of mind, which you haven't had for a long time.

I dont know its possible, but ive really regressed. I havent taken a break from crying for 4 days now. I miss him so much. Still no word and i feel like im wasting away 😞

Op I’ve read lots of your updates, would it be possible to go speak to your gp? I’ve been cheated on and it’s horrible. The way you two ended was so abrupt and you didn’t get any answers. It’s great you’ve kept no contact and you’re being incredibly strong. It’s normal to have down days and get upset. It’s healthy to cry but you need to remind yourself that it’s for the best you’ve found out. It’s for the best you know what type of person he really is. It’s for the best thag you two are over. You didn’t deserve to be messed around and cheated on.

This man has ruined your self esteem and now you’re giving him the power by continuing to let the grief get to you. You are grieving the relationship and the future you thought you had with him. It’s natural to be hurt but at some point you need to stand yourself up and try start life again. It might be good to speak to a gp or a therapist and get all of these emotions out of your mind and heart.

You need to start a new hobby, get yourself out and keep yourself busy. If you’re able to, why not decorate your house, maybe even buy new bedding, something that’s new and fresh for you.

You’re not regressing, it’s just a bad day. It’ll happen for a while yet. You will be ok x

You will be OK op, I got ghosted 2 months ago by a guy I was in a long distance thing with for 3 years, we messaged each other daily, regular calls pics etc but he was a narcissist, that much is clear now.
I caught him take to another woman and ge accused me of setting it up, we got passed that. I was on edge with him, we fell out, he was possessive and jealous. When he ghosted me I was like this, thought its totally for the best and fine, then felt like utter shit. But now 2 months later I'm fine, he's a peace of shit. We were meant to be staying in a hotel for a few days and I kept on at him about finalising plans but he was full of excuses so I said I was done, he never replied and ignored all my calls and messages. He's now disappeared off the face of the earth

Talking *

How are you today, OP?

Just to say there will be days were you feel you are ccoping and then there will be bad days
You have been together with him for ages, so it's bound to take months for you to get to an even keel.

Ahem, we spoke about this OP didn't we?? What did I say before?

It's been a month, this is going to go on for a while - it's been 3 for me and i'm still struggling some days. Take it one day at a time, you are still coming to terms with what's happened and that's ok. Genuinely it's ok.

It takes a while but please don't reach out to him. Lots of hugs to you.

Re-read your earlier posts - even just the two most recent ones.

Maybe it's time to get some counselling, if you haven't already.

You are so, so much better off out of this toxic relationship x

Hey OP…I’m a secret lurker and never post on threads, but I couldn’t help but be reminded of this thread whilst reading yours…it’s quite an inspirational one to read.

Keep being strong…you’ve got this!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text

That was a fantastic thread. And even better, the OP updated on a second thread, here, under a new name to reflect her experience:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3835502-Dumped-by-text-part-2?postsby=RunningInRain

She recovered fully and never did reply to her ex, who ended up bitterly regretting what he’d done. OP stayed strong and went on to be happy again.

Hope you are ok op

I feel like driving my car into a wall so i dont have to deal with this anymore. not one second of the day is he not on my mind. Still no apology or explanation. I miss him with everything in me. Still crying close to 12 hours a day.

I have to delete photos and messages and videos but i cant even look at them. Ive tried so many times. Ive tried being busy and buying things and seeing people. The doctor said 'its just a break up we all go through it' and told me tkmo come back in a month if i feel the same. I dont want to be here anymore

I hope you are OK OP. Please don't do anything rash. You will look back one day and think what a bad time this was but that you got through it.

Is he able to contact you? I might be wrong but think I remember you blocked him and haven't spoken to him but maybe it would help you to move on if you set up a meeting to speak to him and close this?

This will take time but you will get through this x

You are in the middle of a difficult period of hurt. Hang in there….. it will get better.
Consider Peppercorns advice about a one off contact. It may help you to find some kind of closure.

Im not contacting anyone who has chosen to betray me. He clearly doesnt want to talk to me either as he has multiple ways to contact me and passes my house all the time. Im not gonna try and either get rejected or lied to and gaslit. It wont help. It doesnt stop my heart dropping everytime i hear a motorbike pass or my door knock.