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Original poster

Dp wanting anal more often…

427 replies

Forums4321 · 15/07/2023 22:56

Hi all, I’m not sure the rules on MN about certain words language (anal etc) so let’s hope this isn’t taken down!

looking for some opinions. My dp of 8 years, has resorted to anal the past 3 times we have had sex. I was the type of person that said I’d never do anal, until last year when we were a bit freaky and he wanted to do it so I tried it out. He had done it with other women before me but as I said I’d never do it we hadn’t gone down that route. When we tried it out for the first time I was quite open to it as I’ve been with him for so long, feel comfortable and open to more sexual experiences if it makes him happy.

we only did it a few times here and there over the past year but last week during sex he started ‘playing around’ down there and went for it again. I wasn’t bothered and just took it as another one-off. Then this week it happened again and tonight it has happened again. So the last 3 times we have had sex, we have started normally and it has ended up in the other ‘place’.

He kept saying how amazing his orgasm was from it etc due to it being ‘tight’. Tonight when he was finishing he mumbled that it’s so much better (meaning better than the vagina I assume). I instantly felt a bit annoyed with that comment but thought he had just said it in the moment. However after he had finished and stood up he repeatedly was telling me how amazing it was and ‘so much better’ ‘way better’.

He hasn’t realised this has caused me any offense, he’s just happy at the moment. But I feel quite upset about this. I feel like my vagina is not ‘good enough’ after he’s now CHOSEN to switch to anal for 3 times in a row! The comments about it being so much better is making me feel like im not tight down there so he’s preferring anal. Ofcourse it’s natural the bum hole would be much tighter I know this but if he’s deliberately choosing now to go down that route i feel I must be quite loose.

also, I don’t want this to become a regular thing. I’m happy to do it once in a while, ‘spice it up’ etc but I don’t want it to become normal.

what do you all think?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
BalletBob · 16/07/2023 13:31

Ollifer · 16/07/2023 12:34

When does this extreme porn/distorted views end though? I feel genuinely so worried for the next generation, our children growing up whatever they'll be expected to do or pretend to enjoy in their sexual relationships. What when anal gets boring and vanilla? Fisting? Double penetration? Strangulation until passing out? I know that sounds stupid but genuinely it's getting more and more extreme and hardcore and kids are viewing this shit from an early age. It's going to fuck them up

No it's not stupid. You're absolutely right. And already choking is commonplace. We have women being murdered during sex and men getting away with it.

Caerulea · 16/07/2023 13:32

BalletBob · 15/07/2023 23:38

I think I would find such a preoccupation with my vagina being "small" or "tight" extremely off-putting and decidedly unsexy. And worrisome.

Exactly what I was just thinking. That's just...strange, especially after 8yrs.

SplitLevel · 16/07/2023 13:32

@Forums4321 you find it painful? Why the fuck are you doing it?
If I told my DH something during sex was painful for me we would never do it again and his enjoyment would stop that he was hurting me.

TheoTheopolis23 · 16/07/2023 13:32

3BSHKATS · 16/07/2023 13:22

I’m sure all the cool girls have jumped on to tell you how it’s absolutely fine and they just love it. But I had an ex-boyfriend who was very small in that department, so hardly likely to cause a major impact. His ex-girlfriend shat herself every time she got drunk due to her (or his) preference for anal.

Yeah they're always all over abt thread about anal sex like flies around shit (no pun intended) exposing how much they enjoy it ..... To posters who don't enjoy it (probably the majority of women who've ever tried it) and are being pressured to do it.

Just fuck off.
And good luck with your faecal continence.

TheoTheopolis23 · 16/07/2023 13:33

*espousing

ReachForTheMars · 16/07/2023 13:41

Any chance he is watching more porn and getting that thing where he needs stronger/tighter grip to orgasm?

Would make sense that's why he is pursuing a tighter hole because he is struggling with normal sex.

Tbh 8 years and still trying to be kinky feels like a lot of effort. By then I like to be having regular vanilla!

jonahjones · 16/07/2023 13:41

RudsyFarmer · 16/07/2023 09:18

My main concern would be long term damage OP. My mother used to manage the toilets in a predominantly gay facility and the amount of shit soaked tampons she had to deal with was unreal.

Really, that's grim. I have heard jokes about gay men having to use tampons but didn't realise it was actually a thing. If this is the case then i actually think the damage that anal can cause should be part of a teens sex education on the curriculum in high school. mind you they probably wouldn't be allowed to educated our teens in this way as it'd be seen as discriminatory towards gay men in particular.

jonahjones · 16/07/2023 13:53

primoseyellow · 16/07/2023 11:57

@amusedbush 😂Im sorry that made me laugh out loud!

Like an old prison movie 😭

yes and he'd probably enjoy it in prison as he'd get plenty of what he wants in there! lol

SunRainStorm · 16/07/2023 14:00

This thread is so sad.

justasking111 · 16/07/2023 14:03

jonahjones · 16/07/2023 13:41

Really, that's grim. I have heard jokes about gay men having to use tampons but didn't realise it was actually a thing. If this is the case then i actually think the damage that anal can cause should be part of a teens sex education on the curriculum in high school. mind you they probably wouldn't be allowed to educated our teens in this way as it'd be seen as discriminatory towards gay men in particular.

Show quote history

So even men have faecal incontinence. Wonder if @Forums4321 partner will still find her sexy when her bowels void uncontrollably n. Yes of course she can wear an adult nappy. But the smell isn't hidden. I was at the supermarket in the till queue the lady in front of me voided. Omg the smell. She was around 60. So not elderly.

AndyMcFlurry · 16/07/2023 14:05

INeedAnotherName · 16/07/2023 12:12

i spoke to him about it this morning, and explained that it can be quite painful for me. He said we won’t do it again. I told him I’m not completely against it, once in a while is fine so he asked for a time frame I said perhaps once every six months. He asked me how we should go about doing it and for me to let him know when I’m ready.

So it hurts you. He knows it hurts you. But you are both still going to do it? For fucks sake, just how low is your self worth that you feel you need to accept physical pain to stay in a relationship. Would you allow him to hit you? If not, why are you allowing him to physically hurt you in a different way?

Just say no.

This.

StopStartStop · 16/07/2023 14:06

I was at the supermarket in the till queue the lady in front of me voided. Omg the smell. She was around 60. So not elderly.

StopStartStop · 16/07/2023 14:07

Sorry, posted too soon.

She might have been on Metformin, for diabetes. It has this effect on some people, and they don't warn you when they prescribe it.

speakout · 16/07/2023 14:09

SunRainStorm · 16/07/2023 14:00

This thread is so sad.

It is, I agree.
How can this society be raising abusive men and women who don't feel it is right to be anything other than compliant.

OP what advice would you give to your grown daughter in this situation?

TomorrowToday · 16/07/2023 14:11

Barney60 · 16/07/2023 13:15

For him to go on about how tight your bum is is a no no. Gives me the ick.
Sorry to ask but is he very small down there?
Have you had children and do your pelvic floor exercises?

Just to say i have a friend that did anal sex a few times in her 30s, shes now mid 60s and can not control her bowels, she can be anywhere and it just happens, theres 1 operation which is not guaranteed to work, she goes through hell and wears adult nappy's.

It won't be due to doing anal a few times.... come on. Don't be extreme.

gemstoneju · 16/07/2023 14:12

Awful for her, poor woman. But it beggars belief that women are now being greenlighted to do this from an early age causing damage that is totally avoidable. But as a poster said above, these issues are not addressed in SE classes probably for fear of being accused of homophobia, heteronormative bias etc.

LadyJ2023 · 16/07/2023 14:13

Ugh no way

Wishihadanalgorithm · 16/07/2023 14:14

OP, what do you want to happen in this relationship?

What were you hoping for when posting on MN?

If I was your mum, sister, aunt or best friend I would be telling you to leave this awful man. He is abusive and controlling and you don’t seem to know this. At some point you need to value yourself more and get away.

Please read and take onboard the huge number of posters who are telling you he is an awful man and you need to escape.

Backstreets · 16/07/2023 14:16

A time frame 😂 he’ll have put it in his Google calendar by now.
He did offer to close the door on it so why you didn’t just kick it shut is beyond me. Best of luck op.

Sirius3030 · 16/07/2023 14:16

LTB

StellaJohanna · 16/07/2023 14:17

TheoTheopolis23 · 15/07/2023 23:00

"However, women who engage in anal sex are at greater risk from it than men. “Increased rates of faecal incontinence and anal sphincter injury have been reported in women who have anal intercourse,” the report said.
“Women are at a higher risk of incontinence than men because of their different anatomy and the effects of hormones, pregnancy and childbirth on the pelvic floor.
“Women have less robust anal sphincters and lower anal canal pressures than men, and damage caused by anal penetration is therefore more consequential."

That's what I think

^^ This^^

Put yourself first. It sounds like he's watched so much porn that having sex with a woman who loves him isn't enough for him anymore. Common story. He will try to make you feel not good enough and a prude if you put your foot down. He's a fucking prick. Perhaps you could ask him if he prefers men? See how he responds to that.

loislovesstewie · 16/07/2023 14:20

Yes, the ultimate insult, call a woman a prude if she has boundaries. It's so depressing.

LadyVorkosigan · 16/07/2023 14:22

I suspect he's been watching too much porn.

katepilar · 16/07/2023 14:27

jonahjones · 16/07/2023 13:41

Really, that's grim. I have heard jokes about gay men having to use tampons but didn't realise it was actually a thing. If this is the case then i actually think the damage that anal can cause should be part of a teens sex education on the curriculum in high school. mind you they probably wouldn't be allowed to educated our teens in this way as it'd be seen as discriminatory towards gay men in particular.

Show quote history

I have always questioned about the potencial damage but never realised its such a real problem that noone talks about. Thank you for broadening my horizonts.

SaltyBiscuit · 16/07/2023 14:30

No tell him you have a small haemorrhoid down there. He seems insensitive and selfish.

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