Dp wanting anal more often…

[Forums4321]

Hi all, I’m not sure the rules on MN about certain words language (anal etc) so let’s hope this isn’t taken down!

looking for some opinions. My dp of 8 years, has resorted to anal the past 3 times we have had sex. I was the type of person that said I’d never do anal, until last year when we were a bit freaky and he wanted to do it so I tried it out. He had done it with other women before me but as I said I’d never do it we hadn’t gone down that route. When we tried it out for the first time I was quite open to it as I’ve been with him for so long, feel comfortable and open to more sexual experiences if it makes him happy.

we only did it a few times here and there over the past year but last week during sex he started ‘playing around’ down there and went for it again. I wasn’t bothered and just took it as another one-off. Then this week it happened again and tonight it has happened again. So the last 3 times we have had sex, we have started normally and it has ended up in the other ‘place’.

He kept saying how amazing his orgasm was from it etc due to it being ‘tight’. Tonight when he was finishing he mumbled that it’s so much better (meaning better than the vagina I assume). I instantly felt a bit annoyed with that comment but thought he had just said it in the moment. However after he had finished and stood up he repeatedly was telling me how amazing it was and ‘so much better’ ‘way better’.

He hasn’t realised this has caused me any offense, he’s just happy at the moment. But I feel quite upset about this. I feel like my vagina is not ‘good enough’ after he’s now CHOSEN to switch to anal for 3 times in a row! The comments about it being so much better is making me feel like im not tight down there so he’s preferring anal. Ofcourse it’s natural the bum hole would be much tighter I know this but if he’s deliberately choosing now to go down that route i feel I must be quite loose.

also, I don’t want this to become a regular thing. I’m happy to do it once in a while, ‘spice it up’ etc but I don’t want it to become normal.

what do you all think?

Exactly - it's a form of acceptable sadism. It's buggery. He obviously doesn't know anything about women's anatomy in that region and how damaging it is. Or maybe it's porn - monkey see, monkey do. I hope he is wearing a condom at the very least as it is a very dangerous vector of infection. Just horrible horrible horrible.

But why should op have to lie and says she has one? The fact that it's painful and not enjoyable for her should be More than enough ffs!! I don't think op is helping by saying she would do it occasionally though. She should have more respect for body, health, pleasure and autonomy and just say no.

What if he decides he likes punching you in the face when he comes? Painful and not enjoyable but hey he likes it!! Where are you going to draw the line?? (Don't laugh, friend of mine had this happen to her!)

We shouldn't do anything we don't like and find painful for anybody else's satisfaction and if they were nice decent people they'd not want to do something to us that either is something we don't enjoy or causes us pain.

If he asked for a time frame it just means he really wants it more often!

You: I’m not happy about having anal sex. It hurts and there is no pleasure involved for me at all.

Him: when can we next do it?

@GrinAndVomit are you purposefully skipping the part where the OP told him she isn’t completely against it, once in a while is fine?

Inflicting pain on your partner during sexual intercourse, which they have explicitly told you they do not enjoy, is not ok.

Why on earth would he want to do that to her ever again if he cared about her?

Surely the answer to "it's painful but I'll do it once in a while to keep you happy"

is

"No, of course not, I don't want to hurt you."

It was silly of OP to offer to do it at all when she clearly doesn't want to, and that's an issue she has to work on.

Wow making excusing for a manipulative man to inflict painful unwanted sexual practices on his wife is a new low, even for you.

@Clymene I’m not making excuses at all. And please, no personal attacks.

It's not enthusiastic consent, it's very coercive.

Great post Grinandvomit and great husband by the sound of it 👍

Isn't it amazing how he and you both seem to interpret his comments as a reflection on your vaguna, whereas actually, it's the girth of his penis that's the problem.

This man has a fundamental disrespect for you.

Sit him down, tell him you're happy for him about his recent sexual experiences, but you are not happy to be penetrated without express consent.

See how he responds. If he understands the idea of consent, then you have something to work with.

If he starts whining about the quality of his sexual experiences and wants to bypass the concept of consent then you need to reassess the relationship.

And just to be clear, penetration without consent is rape. The question you want your H to answer is what he understands of the nature of rape.

I really don't think anal sex a couple of times is the reason your friend is incontinent.

You might want to google that @blahblahblah1654

blahblahblah1654
I did not say that was the cause, only pointing out that the only person i know or that admits to having done that is now having problems.
When i say a few times, it may of been a lot, she has only told me it was a few times.
Surely if a man is large then its got to have some sort of effect if its in the wrong hole, especially if repeated.

I would assume female incontinence was due to was pregnancy, childbirth, and a healthcare culture that led to the vaginal mesh scandal before I blamed anal sex TBH.

It isn't impossible but there seems to be a bit of a Madonna/whore complex underlying the assumption that female pelvic floor problems are due to a couple of shags.

You'd assume that faecal incontinence is caused by pregnancy, childbirth and vaginal mesh @User1789?

How bizarre.

LMGTFY www.google.co.uk/search?q=faecal+incontinence+anal+sex&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari

Oh no, look! It's linked to anal sex.

I knew a girl who was seeing a boy for only a few months. He would only have anal sex. She became anally incontinent is just those few short months.

I also know of a girl who got chlamydia in her stoma.

'A couple of shags' in the place where a penis isn't intended by nature to be? God, that's like someone jabbing a pencil in their ear twice and denying that it's got anything to do with their perforated eardrum.

Well, if you had also pushed an entire human baby out of your ear, yes I would question if it was the pencil.

I honestly do hope, all the anal virgins on this thread who have had children are correct in their assumptions...

If your pelvic floor has already been "challenged" by pregnancy and birth; you don't want to add anal sex to the mix to make incontinence even more likely.

Get it.

It's totally unnecessary and in spite of the couple of anal sex cheer leaders who always pop up on these threads - most women don't enjoy it. And little wonder.

If your pelvic floor has already been "challenged" by pregnancy and birth; you don't want to add anal sex to the mix to make incontinence even more likely.

I agree, show me where I haven't? Though I would question the suggestion that damage from anal sex was 'unnecessary', as that would make pelvic floor damage from childbirth, pregnancy and menopause, what? To be expected? Something that 'just happens'? A problem you should put up with? A feminine duty?

Is it 'unnecessary' if you are a man? Is it unnecessary for heterosexual men who like to be pegged, but not for gay men? Or is it unnecessary for both?

Babies don’t come out of your bum. Just FYI