Dating Thread 242 - Mid-Summer daters

[qqq82]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Sounds like a good start @Starseeking.

I got chatting with a new iron Friday. All going well then yesterday, when chatting about what we look for in a partner, he rolled out the tacky "someone that can rock stockings and heels" type line 🤦‍♀️ I replied that it's not my scene as I'm not someone that feels it necessary to fulfil men's porn fetishes etc. He replied "that's me told" and changed subject but doubt it will go anywhere now

@qqq82 sorry to hear that Mr Local is being a bit of an idiot. It’s such an unnecessary waste of everyone’s time if he is actually invested in someone else.
@Slothmomma you’ve got great boundaries. I was very much a people pleaser back in my OLD days although I did enjoy ( with certain people) the whole dressing up etc. Probably because I used to be heavily involved in drama and theatre so it tapped into my role play skills ☺️for a while it was fun and daring - a pleasant distraction from the really tough stuff that was happening in the background.

@Stepcount I used to be a people pleaser too but OLD after 4 years has made me firm up boundaries. I've done the whole dressing up thing with ex dh and have no objection in a relationship if both up for it - what I do object to is a random I've only chatted to for two days putting in his requirements before we've even discussed meeting let alone having actually met 🤦‍♀️

qqq82

I’m sorry you feel crappy

I do think it’s good you have moved in from no effort
and it’s good you met someone who has nicer ways
however what sucks is how sad you feel now

curious when did the red flags emerge ? like when did you think 🤔 hmm this is off in terms of their unhealthy attachment

@Slothmomma absolutely agree that it’s really not what you want to be asked about when you have barely even communicated with someone.
I have been having a few wobbles with my DP and had even thought if this was/is the beginning of the end (although I think it’s hopefully looking like a bumpy bit of the road in our nearly 4yr relationship) Whilst thinking the worst I did begin to wonder how much OLD has changed and whether I would have the necessary thick skin/boundaries to navigate it if I had to again. I guess the success stories on here give us hope.

Just seen a profile for a 48 year old that said he was actually 52 but his matches were "like saga competition entries" (so probably people his age) and his non negotiables were some specific footwear and anything from next. What makes these average at best types think they can be this picky 🤔

I have been a follower here for 5 years - just thought I update with some happy news in that I have met the most wonderful fella the last 2 weeks (Bumble) we have decided to be boyfriend/girlfriend and we are both happy and excited. He shares my values (we both want to re marry) and well… it’s just lovely. Please all keep looking xx

Probably quite early on and little things have added to it
Her name is constantly popping up on his Apple Watch , in fact I don't think I've ever seen anyone else message him
He came to mine for a meal the other week but had to go to her house beforehand to look at her car, therefore cutting our time shorter .
He seems have a case of 'mentionitus' with her
But I didn't feel I had any right to say anything until he double booked himself on the day we'd both taken off work
We are going to have a talk tonight
I really don't know how I feel about it

Sounds lovely hope it all goes well @Flowersandsunshine75

hi all I’m new to this thread, late 30s and also fairly new to OLD, currently using Hinge and keep putting off going on actual dates as I get worries about the guys - I had a date scheduled for next Saturday but today the guy rang me on video call without asking my permission first.

We’ve had a few conversations via WhatsApp voice calls, but I already told him way at the start I don’t like video calls with people until I’ve met them . I was wearing my pyjamas when he called and picked up without realising it was WhatsApp video call. I immediately hung up when after a few seconds when I realised. It annoyed me he didn’t text first to ask.

Do you think it’s etiquette to ask someone you don’t know well for a video call first or is it just me ? It’s the first day of my period so I may be extra grumpy 😂

Personally I don’t think you should call - voice or video - without checking first it’s ok. Though I had this discussion with a guy I’d been texting for a day who then phoned me. In his mind, once you give your number out you’re giving permission to call.

I think it's polite to request a call/video call and I certainly wouldn't answer an unsolicited one

It’s been a while but a few name changes and cold irons I’m back on this thread, been single again since new year.

just had a very confusing ghosting, and a first date/meet in a couple of days. I have to say, the apps seem dire this time round

This is lovely 🥰🥰🥰

@Oatycookies with OLD I do feel first call in particular need to be arranged; one guy I was chatting to suggested a video call at 11pm, and I was quite clear in saying not appropriate!

Having been on Tinder for a week, I had my first first date today, which was a couple of coffees and a walk along the South Bank.

While he was nice enough, I didn't feel a spark. On the date he asked directly:

• whether I'd continue doing Tinder
• whether I'd seen enough today to stop looking
• whether we could go for a second date
• whether he could call me this evening

I said I'd continue on Tinder as it's early days for me (he's been on there 3 years), and I wanted to take my time before coming off the site.

I don't particularly want to go on a second date or speak to him on the phone, but found myself saying yes as I was too chicken to let him down in person

I'm now in a quandary as he seemed keen but I don't want to pursue things. I feel ghosting him would be rude, and don't want to leave him hanging. I can also see he's already messaged me, but I don't want to read it!

Is it the done thing to message him saying I only want to be friends? Help!

I think you should tell him and not leave him hanging on wondering.

Just reply saying you had a nice time but you don’t want to meet again. If he gets funny then block but at least you’ve told him and he can move on up someone else.

Thank you @SamW98, it's almost 10 years since I last went on a first date so very out of practice!

I had a 30 year gap so I didn’t have a clue.

I had same situation. First date with a lovely guy but just not for me. I felt terrible telling him as he was so keen but just thought it was only fair to be honest

@Starseeking just message him saying having given it further thought now you've had time you don't feel that you are suited so won't be pursuing it further and wish him the best with his search.

I was going to say exactly that, I've done it and I've had it done to me. I don't think it causes offence and if people don't realise that occasionally others have a good ponder/think over a conversation and decide its not going to work, then the other party isn't really ready for OLD.

So many updates and lovely to see some new names - hello!

@qqq82 how did the chat go tonight with Mr Local? Are you okay?

@LittleFloatingGhost we were on the phone for 2 hours
He explained a lot about their friendship
He knows and understands why I'm uncomfortable with it . I don't think there is anything going on but I don't appreciate being sacked off for anyone
I'll see how it goes and I'll have my wits about me

cool glad to know it’s not just me then 😆General consensus seems to be you should check before video calling for the first time .

I told him I wasn’t happy he did that and he apologised so I’ll let it go and see how the date goes.

I sent this message, and now he is messaging me asking why I didn't feel there was a connection because we got on so well, and what did he do wrong 😩😩😩