Dating Thread 242 - Mid-Summer daters

[qqq82]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Be clean, use condoms, no oral until you’ve both been tested, have a clear head, have your own cash/card and mode of transport, and have fun! Let it happen naturally. If it doesn’t happen, that’s fine, maybe next time or the time after, or with someone else, it’s all fine.

Have a conscious thought of “am I okay with what I’m doing now, even if I never see him again?” and enjoy yourself.

good - thanks for asking ! Had a third date with Mr R then he was away on a local holiday with his family (parents, siblings) and I’ve been busy with a deadline anyway . He got back this weekend - we’re meeting tomorrow at the same bar we went to last time which was very relaxing. I really enjoy his company but taking things slow!

I know exactly what you mean! I quite like awkward too maybe because I’m awks as well 😭a bit of quirkiness can be quite endearing 😂

Have you had /are you looking forward to your two dates? Good luck with them!

Anewnamea Aah wow, I hope tomorrow goes well, it sounds lovely

My date one is supposed to be today but my nerves have set in, I havn't heard from him since yesterday morning. We hadn't set a time yet, just 'Lunchtime'.

I've got 10 chats on the go on Bumble (busy weekend)
Which sounds impressive but half of them are barely stringing a sentence together.

Birthdayblu I hope you are ok & doing something kind for yourself.
Take a step back if you need to, I'm sorry it's awful for you right now

Birthdayblu

all you can do when it gets like this is freeze profile
pause and get on with your own life

what I do is get my hair make on point and try and flirt with people in real life , no joke
sometimes you need a real life flutter to remind you that you exist as a woman and that the weirdness online is just that

it’s their own baggage and insecurity and not you

Date one is off.
I sent him a 'Do you still want to meet later?' & received back 'I think it's a bit desperate to be chasing up at mid-day date at 9am'.

@NervesOfCotton Christ. He evidently doesn’t have anything else going on in his life if a couple of hours notice is deemed desperate. Knob.

Eeeeeeeeewwwwwwww!
Good job you found out he's a prick before actually wasting time meeting him

@NervesOfCotton how did you respond
Or did you just block ?

The book is bloody brilliant isn't it. I recommended it to a guy I was chatting to at the weekend!

Thanks for all the nice messages re the absolute bell*nd I met last week. He's well and truly out of my thoughts now, have moved on. I had a great weekend with sport, friends and family.

Couple of irons in the fire but neither are setting my heart or anything else on fire.
Bumble is my least lucrative app currently which is very different to the norm.

Apparently I'm a rare treat because I can spell and use grammar correctly. The bar is that low apparently... maybe guys are put off by a woman who knows what she wants too?!?

Wow what a dick!!!
Where do guys get off with this stringing along business. I really hope you're ok 🌺
Ughhhh it makes me angry.

However it is nice to hear all the lovely updates too, we all deserve happiness ☺️

qqq82 No I typed out a couple but couldn't think of anything to say that didn't make me sound petty so I just blocked

I'm not going to apologize because I'm not just sitting around hoping to hear from a man.

Thewildthingsliveatmyhouse I'm fine, thank you, & I'm glad to read that you are fine too

Date 2 is still on but I'm not invested in this one either. I'm just in that head-space at the moment where I'm able to emotionally detach, & that's not like me, at all! So I'm going with it

What?? OMG you have dodged a bullet there. What a prick.

Please stop asking if they still want to meet. I also commented last week on another post, no need to double text. (His message was rude and uncalled for btw)

The bit I don’t understand is where so many men say the apps are rubbish, women have billions of choices and women never respond to them.

And all I see from the women is the man wrote this or that and therefore was blocked.

And then I just think even a ten year old knows not to say things like ‘that’s desperate to be chasing up a midday date at 9am’.

All women are asking for is some common or garden manners and decency, it’s not that rare surely? It’s almost as if the men don’t actually want a partner/fwb and are ensuring they don’t get one so they can carry on moaning 🤷‍♀️.

Lucky escape there!!
What is so odd about trying to firm up arrangements?

I have date 2 with Mr Disappearing tomorrow. Still not really feeling it but then neither of us do a lot of messaging.
He's told me he'll be less nervous this time. I can't say that makes me feel any better.

I was supposed to have date 2 with someone else last night but he's ill. Says he still really wants to meet me again. But understands if I don't want to wait.

It's because they have options. They put in minimal effort, one word answers, unironed jumpers, want to pay halves on a cheap drinks/coffee first date 5 mins from their house whilst the women has had to travel and still have women willing to meet with them.

Myfabby
You commented on my post about double texting. It very much depends on the context.
In my case something seemed out of character. And as it happened, something had happened that meant he couldn't reply.

For Nerves, she needed to know what time they were supposed to meet.
If asking that is going to annoy someone, then it's better to find that out sooner rathrr than later.

I agree on finding out sooner rather than later. I am just telling you what I've seen on this board and when I was dating about the texting and follow up. The men who are interested/invested find the 30 secs to text. No one is ever that busy. And if they don't reply, another text to nudge them to is very unhelpful. If truly something out of character/emergency happened, they will text when they get the chance. You won't believe how many times! something happened( mother got ill, cat died, phone smashed, child this and that I've read on here and most times, it was a big fat whopping lie)..

Myfabby I know what you mean, I just like to send one on the day & will continue to do so. The right man won't think that's 'wrong'.

GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife I know, Bumble is FULL of men's profiles staying things like 'The women have to message Frist you know. Hello?!' & then when you message you get back one word. Or ignored. Or 'You wanna meet 4 sex ltr?'

NellyTheCake Ooh, you decided to go on a 2nd date! I really hope this one's better for you

@Myfabby “unironed jumpers” 🤣. I once met a guy for coffee at 5pm. I’d been up since 6am, driven an hour to work, full day there, then a half hour drive to meet him. He’d had the whole day off and I still looked more polished than him, and I’m the sort of person who thinks clean jeans are making an effort 😁.

@NervesOfCotton I would guess out of every seven or eight Bumble matches, I had one response. Why men don’t realise that swiping every woman is counter productive I’ll never know. I’m not keen to go back on Bumble at all really.

I only ever swipe right if I’m fully prepared to go for a coffee with someone (as they appear on their profile at least. If during messaging they come out with a corker, then that’s different obviously).

GoingToBeLessEubbishAtLife Absolutely! I actually go back & read the profile again, before I Right swipe. (Obviously it's not stopped them being idiots once messaging starts, but still)

The other site I'm on is exactly the same. You can see who's viewed your profile on their, & they message or reply to my first messages without even looking at my profile.

NervesOfCotton

that’s just cuntish behaviour
well done in not replying and blocking

what Myfabby says is true

saw a video yesterday and it was a woman saying that when people revert to one word answers , 👍 etc , or the dreaded no reply

she said is best to stop as that’s an answer

sometimes they have exhausted their chat (fine !)

anyway there are no rules ,no guidebook
but when you don’t know someone that well
match the energy …