Dating Thread 242 - Mid-Summer daters

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The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I really feel like OLD has had its day
Too many seem to use it for an ego boost....look how many matches I have!
Or because they're bored and just fancy a few hours messaging someone.

Genuine people are getting pushed out/over looked.

Not sure what the alternative is. Meeting in real life is difficult at my age.

I think it's hard at any age but maybe that's just me

I know I have been shot down about this before, but this forum is 99% female, so you are going to get a very skewed viewpoint.

go and take a look on Reddit, you will get a much more gender balanced viewpoint,
there are plenty more flaky women on OLD who can only use text speech or are simply looking for an ego boost than you realise

So what would you do with this one…

Initial few messages with a guy. I’ve said I prefer meeting up in person etc to get a feel for the whole person. He’s on the same page and also that momentum is key, that he’s busy the next weeks but it would be great to meet for a drink.

Several conflicting statements in there. Not hanging out the messaging for two weeks before a drink. Did that over the summer with a guy (due to hols) and we both built a fantasy of the other in our heads before we met. Needless to say they didn’t align in real life 😂

interested is responses to this one then?

I was talking to MrLocal about his old experiences
And his are pretty similar to a lot of what goes on in here
He says he was ghosted , stood-up etc many times
Said he found a lot fake profiles , women just on there to chat and not wanting to meet, on there for an ego boost etc

NellyTheCake

I’ve said this so many times on here
bit when you feel this dispirited it’s 100% time to pause every profile for at least a month

focus on real life and get back online when you feel like you/ have mojo back

doing OLD when you feel good and smiley and don’t care can be fun
versus doing it when you feel not great and are poised to expect the worse , not fun

I was about to ask how your lunchtime date went then I saw this update.

Ugh…sounds like some weird form of negging. He clearly has a nasty streak.
For first dates I even ask for a time at least the day before - it’s not desperation it’s just wanting to plan my day!

Reading all these stories here I find it baffling how so many men can’t even act decently until at least after the initial meeting, but they’re doing you a favour by showing who they are in advance.

Hope you’re ok and your other date goes well!

I think I would offer to drive to his area (if not too far away) for a 30 minute drink, or just cool it down and say for him to get back in touch when he’s ready to spend some time on it. You’re right, the build up without meeting is never good.

Does ‘busy in the next few weeks’ mean seeing how it goes with someone else first? I’d be okay with that, though I know many aren’t.

I know, I know 😆. I just fall into the trap as it’s so women-focused on here!

Are you a Redditor then? What’s your name so I can read all your posting history so I can upvote all your comments?

👀

Which subs are you in? Are you a reader or participant?

Goodness definitely not offering to driver anywhere. It’s a very definitive ‘busy’ status.

I’m not that interested in the reasons - he may well be activity going on dates but we’ve literally just exchanged a few messages so it would be entirely reasonable if he is.

i think - get back in touch when you’re free - sounds good

yes please don't. you'll prob get back a you're so desperate, how are you asking to drive down and see me.

Personally, i'd even wait for him to offer to get in touch. he's clearly smart and articulate the whole too busy to meet, don't want to build false intimacy. next step is logical.

My response….maybe get back in touch in a couple of weeks. Pot luck as to whether I’m still on the app. We live close by so if you get a spare hour meantime, get in touch.

Whats the betting he disappears? I’m going 70/30 that he doesn’t respond to the above…!

Only been doing this a week or so and already cynical!

Oh false intimacy, I like that.

How far away is he?

Plus people come and go on the apps. The first time I tried a different app I was really surprised at how many had profiles on both apps. I thought it was a one at a time thing, but other people don’t work like that. So if either him or you disappear, you’ll probably find each other again somewhere.

Only ten posts to go, what’s the etiquette on starting a new thread?

Ok he has come back and said oh you’re just up the road let’s meet. I was wrong. But am also now on guard. Will be going for a day time meet.

@FallenFigs daytime is perfect. How about half an hour with enough spare time to extend it if you’re feeling okay? But half an hour is enough time to work out whether it’s a definite no or not I think.

Half an hour feels quite by the time you’ve arrived and ordered or whatever.

that said, I am also know for making snap judgements so may be out of there in under 20!

I can add to the bad news trend of the last weekend. Met a time waster. She is smart and bright, (I am Bi).

We get on well and arrange to meet for a meal. She tells me she feels she wants to get to know me and her Bi feelings.
We met on Wednesday a restaurant. In my car after we kiss, very nicely.

On Saturday night I cook for her. She does not stop talking and I cannot get close to her.

I suggested she could stay longer, but she wants to go home, only arranged babysitter till 11.00. Bye hun! Oh Right then.
Absolute waste of time. Cannot think what she got from it all.

OLD or Celibacy then? 50/50 atm.

I don't see how she is a time waster. Especially as she is newly navigating being with a woman (my inference). You aren't owed sex even if things had been leading up to it. Men and women can decide at any point what they want to do.

Would it have been better if she had a quick session with you and still had to rush home because of childcare?

I did not expect a sex session. Not at all. Now I am convinced she made up her mind after the date on Wednesday. The entire evening Saturday was a sham. The way she was chattering on.

I don’t think I’ve been out-out past 11pm for decades because I’m actually quite boring because I need to get my bra off and contact lenses out by then 😆.

Home fixtures then not an away match!

I’m lost… what’s the issue with her apart from her being too chatty? How is she a time waster?

Did either of you ask the other to meet up again?

@Janinejones , if that was date 2 with a woman I would say that was pretty normal really.

@GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife
i am on Reddit, but for other subs, r/dating & r/dating_advice are quite similar to here ( but mostly under 30’s but far more gender balanced