Dating Thread 242 - Mid-Summer daters

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The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Thewildthingsliveatmyhouse Well I REALLY wasn't feeling it after that call but I was telling myself we were both nervous etc, & did I mention he's extremely cute

BUT the decision was made for me when I asked if we could sort out a meet, & he answered that by asking me to 'Send some photos of my life', he sent me one of his dad (?) Which I looked at but didn't reply to, & 2 mins after he sent that he deletes it & says 'So you aren't interested then?'

So I gave him one last chance & said 'Photos & video calls are nice but can we try & organise a date too, I'd like that'

& I got 'Wow, I thought we could do this for a month or so to be honest. Don't know what the hurry is. Most girls wanna talk for ages'.

I'm done. He said he'd only just signed up to OLD for the first time when we started chatting, so how would he know what most girls do anyway?!

Thewildthingsliveatmyhouse Oh, missed your update. Wow he's horrible isn't he! So glad you found out now! Lucky escape, poor you that's really disturbing

Loving all the 'old' comments
I'd better be getting my ancient, 41 year old butt to bed soon seeing as it's already 8pm

Nerves, Sam and Nelly
Thank you
I thought I'd seen it all in almost a year of OLD but this guy had such a strong reaction. Pretty sure he wanted to control everything, that's what his outburst is telling me. Basically another man child too! Ugh

Nerves, what an absolute catch you dodged there! He sounds like he's full of 💩 and very boring. What a strange guy.

Sending hugs to all those that need them and fingers crossed for a fruitful and happy weekend for all.

I've taken all my frustration out in the gym tonight and am hoping one day I may meet my dream guy there... a girl can hope 😂

Wow that would really scare me. Imagine if you were at his house?

Even his initial message saying you were blunt was weird! If anything he was being too over familiar in his communication by adding kisses 😅

well you gave him the perfect response 😂I also unmatch men who ask for WhatsApp or social media details in their opening messages. I always think they are just wanting to add more women to their contact list and possibly want off the app to say or send really crude words and images 😏

Yes good thing you weren’t at his house@Thewildthingsliveatmyhouse he sounds like a deeply misogynistic and entitled loose cannon. I’d find that really unsettling but what he revealed on date 2 was very telling. Men who say they can’t do drama usually are the drama!

As a few of us said upthread, saying no to someone is a great way to test their character. The mask drops off super quick.

It’s shame it ended in that way but yes a lucky escape and you did the right thing.

BUT the decision was made for me when I asked if we could sort out a meet, & he answered that by asking me to 'Send some photos of my life', he sent me one of his dad (?) Which I looked at but didn't reply to, & 2 mins after he sent that he deletes it & says 'So you aren't interested then

OK that’s just bizarre 😂 I don’t know if he’s just genuinely super awkward or he is an intentional time waster, but acting surprised you wanted to set up a date and sending pictures of his DAD then deleting it is all just incredibly odd.

Hi Anewnamea How are things going for you?

I'm going with 80% awkward (which was what appealed to me tbh, I go for that over super confidence anyday, & it doesn't do me any good)

& 20% time waster.
During those WhatsApps, my whole thought process was

'Photos of my life? Like what?'
'Oh there's another one. Wait, who's that?! Oh it's his dad. Why has he sent his dad?!'
'Well I'm not sending my mum!'
'I wonder what I should send, he's a bit odd'
'Oh there's another one, oh FFS yes I'm interested I'm just busy right now & don't wanna see your dad!'
'Wait, where's his dad gone?!'

It's all fun & games isn't it

Finally had my date last night with the one who "disappeared" the day we had been due to meet.

As always his photos were quite a few years out of date. He looked like he hadn't combed his hair or ironed his shirt.

He thinks I'm lovely. I think he's ok.
He felt like the time flew by. I felt like every minute dragged slowly.
He was very nervous and awkward so I had to try and keep the conversation going, or we would've sat in silence.

I've been persuaded by friends to meet him again because he is nice and genuine. And he maybe more relaxed on a second date.

Oh NellyTheCake I'm glad you finally got the date but disappointing outcome.
It's so difficult to know what to do isn't it. Go with your gut, you were on the date, your friends weren't.

@Thewildthingsliveatmyhouse - that guy who flipped. That's horrendous! I'm glad you're ok but just shows you can never tell.

Mm. It doesn't sound like there is a spark there. Do you WANT to meet him again? Does the thought of it excite you at all?

@NellyTheCake

Never mind what your friends think, how do you feel?

If you’re not feeling it at all, I would say it’s better not to go on another date as that might give him wrong impression.

I’ve been in position where friends try and get me fixed up with men I’m not excited by and I stand firm and go with my gut feeling.

NellyTheCake

disappointing

for what it’s worth I didn’t fancy the guy I got totally 💯 infatuated with on the first date
BUT I liked him and left smiling

listen to your gut and not what people say x

@NellyTheCake ignore your pals! He couldn’t be bothered to dress nicely and he bored you. That’s a dead end in my book - onto the next!

Thanks everyone
He was a nice, ordinary bloke. Just didn't grab my attention or make me feel like I'd want to snog him. He admitted.he was very nervous and didn't know what to say.

My friends know that I'll meet someone for an hour and then dismiss them if I don't feel an immediate spark. So they're trying to get me to give him a chance.

I can see why they're saying meet him again. But I also think once my mind is made up then very little will change it. Nothing's been arranged yet, so I'll think on it a bit longer.

Well Mr Beard is still very promising. So much so we've brought date #2 forward to when he gets back from his trip. I can't wait to see him again and it seems the feeling is mutual. Despite being away with his friends he can't seem to stop himself messaging me. He's sending me photos of what they're up to. He's adorable. And very attractive!

Loving these promising updates! And dismayed with all the whackos. Block and delete is our friend, team.

I’ve just moved to a city and Hinge is proving to be very disappointing so I’ve cancelled my subscription. Tinder is a sex pest site in my experience. Has anyone had any luck with match.com?

@NervesOfCotton very sweet of you, and thank you for reviewing! Good luck with your multiple dates 💪

ah. Just saw the next update. Ugh. What a dick.

Thank you LittleFloatingGhost The other 2 dates are still on, but one isn't saying much. That gap between arranging a date & meeting is a bit awkward sometimes isn't it!

@Birthdayblu I used Match earlier this year. I found it very disappointing. Zero dates and very few chats.
Profiles are generally better. But this means you can see men in their 50s who specify they want to meet women aged 35-45 🙄
Unless you pay you can't see likes or send messages. There seems to be a lot of men on there who just browse and have no intention of paying.
I've also had to deal with more sex pests on there than on Tinder. And on Match they can keep messaging until you block them.

But with all the apps, it's numbers and luck. Tinder has always worked best for me. Hinge has barely anyone on it. But that's probably age and location.

Thanks @NellyTheCake, you might have saved me another disappointing purchase.

I’ve been on tinder (again!) for two days. One man got really aggravated asking about my free time when I said I was staying in this particular city for a course. Really pass agg saying he would leave me alone, etc. someone else told me they suspected I was a knob when I told him the questions he’d asked me were in my bio.

oh! And I was meant to go on a date yesterday with a guy who had been keen/regularly in touch all week and then totally disappeared.

I feel really quite sorry for myself right now! Think I’m going to re-read lalalaletmeexplain’s book - it’s REALLY good. Just to remind myself it isn’t me 😫😫😫

Evening all,
I have met a really lovely bloke (Mr C) online. We have been on 3 dates
and we txt & speak regularly. He is absolutely gorgeous and we get on so well.

I am staying over at his on Tuesday night…
It has been a while - with anyone decent- I really don’t want to mess this up. What is expected the first time you DTD with someone new?

What do you mean what is expected? Do you want to DTD on Tuesday?

I'm also curious how this stage happens! I'm going on my 2nd (and 3rd) date this week with Mr Beard and I REALLY fancy him. The feeling's mutual but at the same time I don't want to rush it.