Dating Thread 242 - Mid-Summer daters

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The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

True. I’m not sure I’m stung so much as indignant 😂. Why bother matching with someone to then not follow up? Are people just playing the numbers game?

Sadly yes. Think men just swipe for any vaguely attractive women then think better of it when said women wants a conversation any more deep then ‘hi’

SamW I'm sorry it's ended like this. I was reading along & was going to ask you if you'd have rather he told you immediately, I think I would as well.

Myfabby Yeah, Bumble is a nightmare for me, hardly anybody talks to me, the matches run out of time or when they do answer, they have the conversation skills of a goldfish or just talk about sex. To be honest I just send 'Hi would you like to chat?' (Occasionally I'll say I like a photo they have, of scenery or something)

The speed dating on there is fun but it's not getting me anywhere either. I said yes on every person last night so must have been 10 or so, only one had said yes back & he soon started going on & on about how he was a bodybuilder & that was all he wanted to talk about.

You just have to sigh & move on!

@NervesOfCotton

Thank you. He’s been messaging today while I’m at work saying hes so sorry, can we still meet, can we be friends etc. I’ve had to tell him to leave me alone and I’ll contact him if I decide I want to be friends. Which I hunk is very unlikely.

I feel irrationally upset today over someone I only met twice. I just think it’s because I thought I’d found a good one after a succession of total fuckwits but hey we love and learn eh

Aww I know exactly how you feel SamW
That 2nd date sure makes a difference to how much it hurts doesn't it!

Lots of good things to look forward to.x

@SamW98 I have been following and I’m sorry it hasn’t gone as expected. I appreciate you have not shared what the dealbreaker was, and it’ll be different for everyone, where there lines are. The holiday will do you good for sure.

My update: I still haven’t returned to OLD - was only on Hinge. I’ve reviewed my profile but it’s all blah and I don’t feel ready to venture there again, just yet. Plus nobody is standing out at all. It’s not only a numbers game but mindset. Honestly just not open to anything right now, which isn’t a bad thing! Me, myself and I! 😂

Also, as an aside, my username does not change on here like it does on the other pages. Anyone noticed this? I don’t even need to flip it when on other threads. Very clever!

Their lines are* @SamW98

I think it’s something to do with what name you used last on this thread. So if you want your posts here to be in a different name, manually change it, then the next post should automatically be in that name. Maybe.

@GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife ah, okay. Thanks! I’ll stay on here as the ghost as makes sense. Been off and on for a while this year.

LittleFloatingGhost Perfect username
Not to be modest but I think mine is perfect for me on here too

This sentence on a profile made me giggle today 'Hung like a spider'

So, I've had one of those mornings where there's suddenly loads of nice-seeming men nearby on Bumble & I've been on a Right-swiping mission... Bet I don't get any chats out of all of those

I had my second date with Mr R, it went so well! He picked me up near my house and embarrassingly I was 20 minutes late still 😂 but he was waiting patiently for me and we had a lovely day together exploring a new city. He said it was worth the wait as I “looked lovely” in his words. I’d been worrying about paying etiquette but I was overthinking it - it all flowed so well, I paid for coffee and he went on and paid for dinner. Also had a third date with him on Friday where we basically just sat holding hands and chatting in a quiet bar. It may fizzle out it may not and we’re both still on the app! But I’m definitely enjoying it for now…whatever it is.

After 6 years of being completely single it’s nice to have a bit of romance!

SamW98

I’m sorry to hear and this well done for holding your boundary

it IS disappointing as you get surge of hope and it’s really rare to meet someone you click with

Sometimes we just have to process the sad feelings and not minimise

FallenFigs

so many people use OLD as a hobby and a distraction and a wank aid

time to time someone will see your photo /profile and totally fall for it
either the photo captures their imagination , or something in your profile resonates

and vice versa, and then the chat 💬 moves at a pace , they want to meet etc

but until that happens it’s a lot of wasted time

LuckyLinda3

i have seen you DO overthink with him !

I also have a tendancy to over think and over react , often for nothing

and honestly sometimes they are just low energy and havnt got much to say

Anewnamea Lovely update, really happy for you he sounds great

I was chatting to one on the free site for 4 hours yesterday, he seemed great & I was going to ask if he wanted to meet today for a walk, but then I asked what availability he has for meeting, he said evenings only but some weekend evenings he's with his kids.

So (with a big sigh on my end!) I said it probably won't work then as I only get every other Fri, Sat evening & some of those he will be with his kids. I said 'It's a shame we can't make it work though isn't it'.

He said he can come to mine weekday evenings, I said sorry but not somebody I don't know, when my kids are in bed. His whole messaging tone changed, he ranted at me that I'll never meet anybody if I can only do some school-time daytimes, I reminded him that I didn't actually say that & wished him well.

They change so quickly when they are rejected don't they!!

Hi, can I join you? I've been single for about 10 months after my marriage ended. I decided to dip my toe in the water and joined a couple of dating sites. Had one date a few weeks back but the guy was really dull and only wanted to talk about himself. Got chatting to another guy, I'll call him Mr Beard. Chatted for a month before meeting on Friday night. Was going to be just a couple of drinks but we were getting on so well we then went on to have some food and then more drinks in a few different bars.

We spent nearly 6 hours together, talked and laughed the whole time. I'm amazed, it was lovely and he was a perfect gentleman (we did have a kiss goodnight, but a well-behaved one!) I'm v. attracted to him!
He's messaged to ask if we can see each other again so I think a second date is on the cards.

As always @Thisisworsethananticpated I can rely on you for your insight. Thank you. We had a good talk over the weekend and it seems we are both feeling a but vulnerable at the minute. I think we both feel so much better now that we are aware of each others position.
How are things with you?

Just checking back in with you all & its nice to see some good early seeds of hope in some of your dates. Sorry @SamW98 yours didn't work out 🙁

My lady & I are still very much in love, just spent 4 nights together including my birthday.
We could have carried on for more nights but both agreed we need our own space for a few days as we don't want to ignore our friends that have supported us both during the past 5 years since we both lost our partners.
Also we are both used to alone time and value our own peace and quiet.

@WtP this sounds wonderful!

LuckyLinda3
im glad you talked and connected
adulting is tough

home life
have some major issues with my eldest, it’s been hard harsh tough

with my man friend we are getting on better
he’s managing his caving better, he does go quiet and low energy but he doesn’t disappear

I am being way WAY less reactive and insecure
looking back on some occasions I was wacky

ita still a strange set up bit it works for now

and we really fancy each other which helps

Thank you! He is lovely so far and we had our first kiss on the second date.

Ugh that’s a shame but you definitely dodged a bullet there.

I always think one of the best ways to gauge someone’s temperament on OLD is by saying NO to something or setting some kind of boundary and seeing how they handle it. They usually reveal themselves pretty quickly.

It’s weird how if he was so keen to meet he didn’t suggest figuring out a weekend evening when he was child-free, but instead leapt straight to coming to yours on a weekday evening 😐

Little update from me. Date tomorrow with someone who seems ok, so far. We've had a chat on the phone which went well.
But he's said he very involved in helping his grandkids. Spends lots of time with them.
I'm finally child free, so I'd prefer someone in a similar position. But will wait and see what he's like in person.

I should've had a second date yesterday with someone else but he cancelled because of child care issues. Not sure if that second date will happen now.

oh and what is it with men on the apps who message “morning” and thats it. I suspect they’ve just did a copy and paste “good morning” and sent it to all the women they’ve had chats with. I find it really annoying and low effort. They’re not even saying anything.

I got one this morning from someone and i deliberately didn’t reply until this evening.

I never know how to respond to those either. I’m good with not messaging every day, I’m good with twice a week, but you’ve got to at least formulate a sentence. Even “are we still on for Thursday, the weather looks like it’ll be a bit cooler” or something is absolutely fine. Otherwise you get into a loop of…..
hi
hello
morning
you ok?
yes, you?
fine thanks
goodnight
night night

……..and so on. Just, please don’t!