Dating Thread 242 - Mid-Summer daters

[qqq82]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

SamW That's such a stupid thing to say isn't it, reliving your youth just because you still enjoy things like that! (One of those phrases that really winds me up) I've also been told that I'm 'Trying to re-live my youth' because I still like things like Roller skating & ice skating

NellyTheCake I know, I've said that to some of them, 'My interests might seem boring but at least I have some'

NoDatingFor0ldMen I'd hate to think what somebody fashionable would say about the way I dress

@qqq82

My last bf had a female ‘bestie’ as she called herself who was an absolutePITA. First time I met her she told me I would have to get used to her being around because they do everything together.
I bit my tongue when we were out in big social situations and she was there but she started asking where we were going at weekends and him being a people pleasing idiot told her despite my protestations. Even when we went to a music event on the south coast she booked same hotel, came to our room and ended up coming out to dinner with us.

I have a long list of times she’s been out at same place as us and ended up hanging round all night - usually with him buying her drinks. Oh btw she had a long term partner who tagged along too but he was a bit of a wet lettuce.

@NellyTheCake to be fair, some my rooms haven’t been painted for a few years, but personally I didn’t like some of her home decor tastes either so 🤷🏼, maybe I’m just old fashioned, but her house was very well decorated & it make me feel a bit embarrassed about mine.

the clothes thing, were more just the the odd comment, something like, “you would look good in xxx” things like that

but it’s certainly knocked my self confidence for 6 that’s for sure, made me wonder if any woman would be interested in me

NoDatingFor0ldMen

oh dear she really has done a number on your confidence 😒

i was dating a guy and he criticised my parenting , on spurious evidence - and it stung hard - felt so unfair and unkind

I think we have all our insecurities

and that said she clearly lacked grace , to criticise someone’s home ? Who the fuck does she think she is !!

its worth thinking why some people really get under our skin

Merriboo

herr flick !! I love allo allo (in a nostalgic way ) but how !!!

@SamW98 I try to ask myself if it's just because she's a woman but I think it it was a man I'd be even more weirded out by it as I'm sure you would have been if it had been a man following your ex around like a lost puppy .
And then that makes you realise a man wouldn't go on like this with another man (if they're both straight).
Which then brings you back to alarm bells ringing that she has ulterior motives .
One of my best friends is a straight male. We don't go on anything like that .

NoDatingFor0ldMen
I wouldn't like to hear her judgement of my house!! I've got better things to do in life than worry if my decor is up to date.

Tbh it seems that you and teacher weren't a good match in the long run.
But that doesn't mean there isn't someone out there who will appreciate you for who you are. And not who they'd like you to be.

Yes I know it’s totally weird and irrational, there are another 4bn females on the planet and I’m worried about just one thinks about my wallpaper ( mental note, buy some paint)., but it somehow felt so disappointing, hard to put into words

NoDatingFor0ldMen

sometimes people (without even meaning to ) hone in on something that really hurts us

its probably not the wallpaper per se either

and everyone has their different triggers

i know!! when i asked, he said one of the farmers from the local pub called him that so he is playing along with it with the profile pic (and that it was mainly as he dresses smarter and wears a raincoat sometimes)
still 🤔🤔

Eek, I have a date on Saturday. It's a guy I have been chatting to on Tinder for nearly a month. What is absolutely amazing is that he hasn't once said anything sleazy or sexual. He seems to have manners. We have a lot in common, lived in same places, like the same things. This is only my second date since splitting with my exH 8 months ago (first date was really boring, hope this one is better).

@NewBeginning23

Good luck on your date. Hope it goes well. Do you know what you’re going to be doing yet?

@NewBeginning23, fantastic. Hope you have a great time.

NewBeginning23

sounds promising
let’s hope no dick pics between now and the date 😂

Morning everyone. Hope there’s some chats going on and maybe a date or two planned.

Having had a few days to process Mr GA’s bombshell I am going to meet him this weekend as think we need a face to face conversation as there’s things I need to say that I don’t think messaging is right place for.

Its pretty crap and I do feel for him as it was hard to tell me but it does rule out a LTR fir me.

However meeting for a drink and a grown up conversation seems like the right thing to do.

I’d be the same. A nice casual first date with a couple of drinks and the chance to chat properly works better than dinner imo.

Good luck ☺️

Oh this is train man yes? What happened? Is there no way back?

After a couple of really good dates, he told me something that makes it pretty much impossible to go into a LTR with him.
Hes not done anything wrong and I really feel for him having to tell me but it’s a deal breaker.
I am gutted as we got on so well but it’s better to know now.

@SamW98 oh that’s such a shame, I’m sorry.

Thank you. I’m fine. I’ve called off meeting tomorrow because his messages have become more about getting me to change my mind than let’s just have a few drinks and a conversation.
Im not going to change my mind so meeting him would give the wrong impression. I’ve wished him well but said let’s leave it as a nice memory.

Off on holiday next weekend so that’s a nice space to clear my head and start afresh. Just wish he’d told me before we met even though I get it’s a difficult thing to say.

So folks can I seek your wise advice. After a few very quiet days on the communication front he arrived last night unplanned and we had a good conversation. He confirmed that he would like to continue his football commitments but realises the compromise I make and said he realises he needs to up his game in terms of making time for us.
We are back to normal messaging but something feels a bit off, way more matter of fact than our normal texting style.
Maybe it's just me and I'm overthinking again. I will see how it goes obviously before I jump to any further conclusions.

I’m joining you all….trying out OLD after the end of a long marriage.

Set up on Bumble….not sure at all! Lots of likes but the first message I sent in return blocked me! Tbf he was about 15 years younger than me so perhaps hadn’t looked in full before matching. Still stung a bit!

Feeling the pressure of what to say in that first message now. I did message one match last night and no response yet. Not sure I can cope with 2 straight rejections! Any tips for those first messages? Whole thing feels a bit cringe but guess I need to adjust to that.

Actually it’s worse than that. First two I matched with and messaged didn’t reply, third one unmatched/blocked me…!

Hi and welcome

You have to become VERY thickskinned. If you're getting stung by unmatching, I'm not sure you're ready. Rejection is very much a recurring theme in OLD for all sorts of reasons.
Good luck with it all