Dating Thread 242 - Mid-Summer daters

[qqq82]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

😂 @NellyTheCake Meg, Kim, Stan and Louise’ Er, ok 🤣

Well date with Mr GA now called off as he’s tested positive for covid and feeling pretty crap.

We had a conversation earlier and he’s told me something that he felt I needed to know before things progress and if I’m honest it’s potentially a huge deal and I really need to step back and have a good think about whether it’s a deal breaker.

Feel a bit deflated right now and need a bit of time to process what he’s told me

SamW98 Oh no! Not great about him having covid, but the deal breaker as well. I thought you'd found a good one.
But you have to do what's best for you.

NervesOfCotton I paid for a month of tinder so I could see my likes. It gives you the option to hide your age so I thought I'd try it.
Not a scientific study, but I have a lot more likes and matches than I've had previously. Last time I used tinder at the beginning of the year, I struggled to get a single match.

SamW98

oh dear (deal breaker )

him having covid (is that still a thing !) gives you some space to have a think 🤔 about said deal breaker x

LuckyLinda3

hey
im sorry the holiday wasn’t quite the rompathon you expected

its a classic case of two single parents who have totally gone and built new and busy lives with you two isn’t it ?
I still there there is some hope for longevity

despite all I’m still with my on off FWB !
ironically - after a year of therapy I’m a lot calmer and less anxious about it all

how can I berate him for not providing something I don’t actually want ?

NellyTheCake

so pleased you had a nice time !

yeah how come you changed age ?

for something fun and early days I’d not be bothered by the age gap

might just be a perfect match in terms of sexual appetite

Thank you - I’m fine this morning. Unfortunately it is a deal breaker for me. I do feel sad for him and it took a lot for him to tell me but I have to do what’s right for me. He’s a lovely guy but he’s not my one.

Im off to Greece in a couple of weeks so I’ll take a break and start again when I come back.

Oh no @SamW98
Shame he didn't offer this information a tad earlier
Things are still going good with MrLocal
However I still have the niggling issues with his 'best friend'
I'm trying to keep a lid on how I feel as I still can't work out if I'm being unreasonable
I'm going to see how it goes but if she ever causes issue between us I'm done.
I just have a feeling that the first time we maybe have a weekend away or something she will suddenly have an 'emergency' he has to go deal with .
I hope I'm wrong but I'm very much keeping an eye on the situation .

qqq82

hey I was wondering how things were

I dont like the sound of this friend at all

but I’m also hoping your boundaries and charms Will enable him to make a sensible decision

ie what you have is good and something he won’t want to lose

No the whole thing makes me very uneasy . But I don't want to lose him unless she actually causes real issues but I have a gut feeling she will
It's not him I'm worried about it's her.
I think he possibly has issues with boundaries . He has a male friend who seems to lean on his a bit too much too.
I'll keep you updated .

I think if I calmly and sensibly drop hints about inappropriate behaviour he might see it for himself
So for example we went out for the day a few weeks ago and he let slip that he'd had to tell her he was busy so he would be quiet on the messages, but she continued to message him.
This really pissed me off. The fact he had to tell her he'll be quiet . He's sent me the same messages before and I think it's unnecessary.
So the next time he sent a similar message to me I told him in a nice way that he really didn't need to tell me that and to have a nice night.
I'm convinced he copied and pasted the same message he'd sent her too.

Sorry to hear about the deal breaker @SamW98. Hope you're ok

@qqq82 you are wise to just keep an eye on this situation. Personally it would agrivate me as she just seems a but too dependent on him.

Nothing happening here. Reactivated tinder last night out of boredom and liked the look of only one guy who was also showing as within a mile of my location. Anyway it matched and he messaged to say he really like the look and sound of me but had swiped me weeks ago and with a view to being honest felt he should say hes now he'd arranged a date with someone else this forthcoming week and didn't multi date so wanted to see how that went but if it wasn't a match he would get back in touch to see if I was still looking. A refreshing bit of honesty as he could have just kept me dangling whilst he checked out the other person (as most of us do with muti chstting/dating) so now I like him even more 😆 I've wished him good luck with his date but secretly hoping he gets back in touch 😆

Aah that's a shame SamW, I'm sorry. I suppose it's better to know now than later.

NellyTheCake Oh ok, thanks for explaining, that makes sense.

I've not been on either of mine for a few days. I struggle with the heat & it's too hot to meet somebody at the mo. Hot & sweaty isn't a good look

When I was last on there, on the 'message anybody' one, 90% of my messages were from men 60+ (I'm 41)

qqq82 I'd have your worries too, but hope for the best! (Easy to say)

Slothmomma

that’s so refreshingly honest !

im also hoping his date is shit 😂

Just coming out of lurking to join if that’s ok?

so- potential guy moved from Match to WA to agree a date. His WA profile pic is Herr Flick from ‘Ello ‘Ello.
haven’t asked him about it yet- I can’t fathom why anyone would want that pic even in jest?? Can’t decide if I’m reading too much into it…

Thisisworsethananticpated
I haven't changed my age just hidden to see if it made a difference. And I think it has.

I'm mid 50s and find that I have very little in common with men my age or older. My friends are all in their 40s.
I'm with people aged 25-48ish in the sports that I do.

But my experience has been that men want to date their age or younger.
And the men in their late 50s that I've met just seem to be looking for a new wife to entertain them in their retirement.

NellyTheCake It's funny I've had exactly the opposite experience
The men 50+ who I've spoken to have mainly called me boring & 'old before my time' because I like puzzles & going for a walk & havn't listed 'clubbing' as my main interest on my profile. (I do like clubbing btw it's just more of a 'Now & then' rather than every weekend)

There are few few who, like you say, seem to just be looking for a replacement wife to move right in.

Thanks @Thisisworsethananticpated. Glad to hear you are doing well and feeling good.
You are right we are so busy it sometimes feels like we don't actually have time for a relationship. We only saw each other for a few hours last night and talked briefly, he asked me what he could to to make it better for me. I'm glad he obviously values what we have and like you mentioned I have to be aware of what I'm asking of him as I too only have limited time.
He's really busy at work this week and we have next Saturday night but that's it then at the weekends until October due to other commitments he has so it feels like time for us to reflect on what we have, the time we can realistically offer and what our lives would feel like if we weren't together. The only positive is that I feel in a calm measured headspace to do this.

@Slothmomma refreshing honesty is right, how attractive is that. Hopefully you will get a chance to find out more about this one.

@NoDatingFor0ldMen just wanted to say hello and hope you're doing OK. Don't give up on dating and please don't let someone else set your value.

Bit of an update on Mr Analogue- we had yet another lovely date on Thursday night.

We had a conversation last night, mostly in hypotheticals about the future. He's openly admitted that whilst he has dated people with children before it's never really gotten far enough or serious enough for him to really consider what being in a serious relationship with someone with a kid would look like for him, especially a few years down the line. He did highlight that it wasn't an issue but it was something he had been thinking about a lot, obviously it's still very early days but he's acknowledging that we really are a package deal. He's in his mid thirties, homeowner and has been single for a few years and is obviously quite comfortable in his life and is thinking quite seriously about what dating me would look like both now and down the line.

I would like to say that non of this was framed negatively at all! I actually appreciated the line of questioning rather than him being gung ho about it and not trying to factor the fact I have a child- a whole person who is dependent on me.

He did also express his desire to get this all straight in his head before things became more serious, as it's certainly feeling like it might be heading in that direction for the both of us.

I told him I wasn't really looking for my living situation change for quite a long while yet! I'm a part time student now and will be full time this time next year. I also spoke a little more about my current co-parenting relationship with my ex partner, which is absolutely fine! Friendly and civil all round and no issues at present. My ex is an active father so it's not a gap that needs filling. Which I think he found that reassuring. We had broached it a bit before but not as in depth as last night

I can totally respect the line of questioning and I guess how reasoned and sensible he is being about it. I actually quite like it. I'm a little bit worried he's going to talk himself out of seeing me though even though he's not given any indication of that happening.

The next date is lined up on Thursday though so he's clearly not put the brakes on!

Teacher is / was 51 ( I’m 53), she thought I old and boring and suggested I updated my decor and wardrobe ( she is /was quite fashionable) but I have got some new clothes…

she was so impractical, couldn’t even put air n her car tyres.

NervesOfCotton
I like a good puzzle and a nice walk. Nothing wrong with that.
And if any of the men I matched with said that's what they liked to do, then I'd think 'great! At least they have some interests'

Instead I get the ones who say they just work and watch tv. But would do more if they had a partner. So why don't they do it now??
And comment that I do so much 'at my age' 🙄

Itssnotunusual
I think it's positive that he has obviously given your relationship a lot of thought. And recognised where things have gone wrong in the past.

NoDatingFor0ldMen
It sounds like teacher has badly knocked your self esteem.
And sounds quite rude to be telling you to change your clothes/decor.

I think you are much better off without her.

I go out quite a lot to festivals, cocktails bars, music events etc because I’m single, I’ve got a great social circle and I’d rather be getting out than staying home every weekend. I’m 54 and I’ve had OLD matches tell me to grow up, act my age and one even said I was trying to relive my youth. Why because I’m enjoying life and not sitting indoors shrivelling up.

If I met someone, I would still do this stuff with my mates now and again but obviously not as often. I think it’s a positive if I chat to someone with a good social life and big friendship group.

Oh and Mr GA been in touch saying can me meet for a drink or coffee next weekend and just have a chat. I need to have a think so I’ve told him not to message me and I’ll contact him when I’ve had time to decide.