Page 30 | Dating Thread 242 - Mid-Summer daters

qqq82 · 2023-07-11T16:33:52+00:00

The Rules: 1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife · 06/09/2023 17:52

@NellyTheCake do you have to match on other sites before you can talk? I know with PoF anyone can message, but I think they have to be within the parameters you set for yourself eg age, but I have been on Hinge and Bumble in the past but can’t remember what their rules were.

I’ve not been on apps with a profile for well over a year I don’t think.

NellyTheCake · 06/09/2023 20:56

@GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife
Bumble you have to match

Hinge, I think so as well but it's been a couple of years since I used it.

POF, you can set your parameters, age, have a photo, paid user and only those within your parameters can message you.
If you don't reply, they can't send another message.
Found that out the hard way when I politely declined someone as they were too far away. Then they replied with a lot of abuse.

SamW98 · 06/09/2023 21:11

NellyTheCake · 06/09/2023 20:56

@GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife
Bumble you have to match

Hinge, I think so as well but it's been a couple of years since I used it.

POF, you can set your parameters, age, have a photo, paid user and only those within your parameters can message you.
If you don't reply, they can't send another message.
Found that out the hard way when I politely declined someone as they were too far away. Then they replied with a lot of abuse.

I’ve had abuse several times in POF for very politely turning someone down.
One time I was called a f**king racist bitch and reported.

I’ve come off all OLD at mo but after that I just deleted unwanted messages without reply. It’s rude but it’s just easier.

Ive also had the begging to be given a chance messages when I’ve been polite in saying no - it’s just not worth the agg.

Mollymolloy · 06/09/2023 22:26

Thanks very much for your advice all. Much appreciated! Coffee and a walk scheduled for Saturday.

I find OLD, well dating in general!, an absolute nightmare!!

NoDatingFor0ldMen · 06/09/2023 22:33

Anewnamea · 06/09/2023 08:22

After using Hinge on and off for months and being too terrified/demotivated to go and meet any of the men who asked me out, I FINALLY bit the bullet and had my first Hinge date on Monday. And I’m happy to report that it was amazing!!! He was just so sweet, thoughtful and respectful 😍

We’d been chatting since early august but I had a lot of work deadlines which tbh I probably used as an excuse to delay our meeting since he was keen to meet almost immediately. He remained patient and would still text me every single day and often call me for very long conversations over the weekend throughout august, so it made the first date a bit less daunting since I felt like I knew him fairly well. I know they say it’s best to meet within a week or so of matching, and not text too much before then and I agree generally but the way we done it worked for us.

The conversation really flowed on our date and he done all the things I like which show he made an effort in arranging the date…booking a table, suggesting a restaurant etc. He also complimented me on how I looked when we sat down for dinner, but it wasn’t like too much or sleazy in any way.

He asked me for a second date which I said yes to! 🎉

and I was wondering about second date etiquette. He paid for everything on this date - coffee and then later dinner & drinks. Should I pay for the next one?

@NervesOfCotton I haven’t had that question about what car I drive (yet!) I’m sure those kind of men would unmatch immediately when they find out I don’t own a car. 😆

Edited

You certainly should make offer to pay, or go half’s, that’s just good manners.

i live in a rural area so almost certainly would not date a woman who couldn’t drive, and would think twice if didn’t have a car.

stupidstupidstupidgirl · 06/09/2023 22:35

Hey everyone!
Was on these threads back in 2019 when I was in the midst of getting divorced and dipping my toe into dating. Found someone on Tinder - he was a psycho and now I've ditched him I'm back!

Been on Facebook dating, bumble and tinder - anyone had any luck with fb dating? Currently chatting with a lovely paramedic

SamW98 · 06/09/2023 22:40

Got date 3 with Mr GA on Sunday. Last 2 we’ve got on great but the communication in between just isn’t getting any better.
I might sound like I’m being a bit horrible but his messages and comments are just a bit cringey. I try having conversations with him about various things but every reply is turned into a ‘you’re so sexy’ or ‘I’ve been dreaming about you’

The odd response I could deal with it but there’s absolutely no depth at all as much as I’m trying to engage him.

But face to face we’ve talked non stop about our lives and some pretty personal and heavy stuff.

Im so torn

SamW98 · 06/09/2023 22:46

GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife · 06/09/2023 17:52

@NellyTheCake do you have to match on other sites before you can talk? I know with PoF anyone can message, but I think they have to be within the parameters you set for yourself eg age, but I have been on Hinge and Bumble in the past but can’t remember what their rules were.

I’ve not been on apps with a profile for well over a year I don’t think.

Edited

Bumble you have to match and the woman messages first.

Hinge I just didn’t get on with at all. I hated those stupid questions and prompts and I didn’t get a single match. You get messaged without matching but you have to match to reply from what i remember.

Anewnamea · 07/09/2023 00:01

NoDatingFor0ldMen · 06/09/2023 22:33

You certainly should make offer to pay, or go half’s, that’s just good manners.

i live in a rural area so almost certainly would not date a woman who couldn’t drive, and would think twice if didn’t have a car.

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Yep sounds good - as I posted upthread that’s what I intend to do…just like I did for the first date :)

Yeah to be fair everyone’s situation is different, but we were talking about the type of men who ask early on what kind of car a woman drives who clearly are wanting to know for financial reasons.

Good thing it’s never been a problem for any of the guys I’ve come across…Mr R has offered to pick me up at a location of my choice for our next date :)

Anewnamea · 07/09/2023 00:07

Slothmomma · 06/09/2023 16:03

6 years single club here too 😆

You’re in fine company 😂

NervesOfCotton · 07/09/2023 06:20

Anewnamea Mr R sounds great!
I'm always upfront about not driving just in case it's a deal breaker but it only has been once (& he was really rude about it!) But no other man has ever cared, possibly because I make it clear that 1, that's why I limit my search area as I know where I can/can't/want to travel to easily & 2, I'm perfectly capable of either walking or using public transport.

SamW That's such a difficult situation, I'm not sure how you sort that really other than making it clear there's a time & place for those kinds of messages & can you keep the majority of messages to standard conversation, & hope that he listens?!

I'd say 90% of my messages on the free site go to my filtered box so never get answered. I'm beyond caring if that comes across as rude tbh. The Filtered box is there to be used & I've also encountered horrific abuse for sending polite 'Sorry but I'm not interested' messages. I could probably fill a thread with them, as I used to feel so rude for ignoring them but I just had to get over it for my own MH tbh

(Every now & then I have a look through the filtered messages & they are full of abuse because I havn't answered them. Mainly from men 20+ years older & over 100 miles away)

NoDatingFor0ldMen · 07/09/2023 07:13

SamW98 · 06/09/2023 22:40

Got date 3 with Mr GA on Sunday. Last 2 we’ve got on great but the communication in between just isn’t getting any better.
I might sound like I’m being a bit horrible but his messages and comments are just a bit cringey. I try having conversations with him about various things but every reply is turned into a ‘you’re so sexy’ or ‘I’ve been dreaming about you’

The odd response I could deal with it but there’s absolutely no depth at all as much as I’m trying to engage him.

But face to face we’ve talked non stop about our lives and some pretty personal and heavy stuff.

Im so torn

I think that’s just a style, when I was seeing the teacher, she used to send me these massive WA messages, they were too long really, & she would complain that my messages were not deep enough ( I was at work), but if wanted to actually tell her something I would call or video chat or leave a VM, not type out a message ,or see her f2f,
if you like him I think you will just have get used it, it’s not fair to ask him to change to suit you.

Oh and the Teacher has send me a couple of messages about something we discussed over the summer and they are just short matter of fact one liners now

NoDatingFor0ldMen · 07/09/2023 07:21

Anewnamea · 07/09/2023 00:01

Yep sounds good - as I posted upthread that’s what I intend to do…just like I did for the first date :)

Yeah to be fair everyone’s situation is different, but we were talking about the type of men who ask early on what kind of car a woman drives who clearly are wanting to know for financial reasons.

Good thing it’s never been a problem for any of the guys I’ve come across…Mr R has offered to pick me up at a location of my choice for our next date :)

Edited

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As long as it has 4 wheels, I don’t care 🤷🏼,

NellyTheCake · 07/09/2023 13:07

Talking of message styles, I have a tinder match who seems very nice and normal. We've switched to WA and he has suggested meeting.

So far, so good. Except that his messages are all about him. His work, his family, his weekend plans. He's sent me loads of photos of his holidays and his grandchildren.
I can't complain that he's not chatty but he isn't asking me anything. Apart from 'how long have you been single', the rest of the chat has been about him.
I'm not sure how to move this forward.

But I have got a date at the weekend with someone else. We talked on the phone last night and agreed to meet for coffee. Time and place to be confirmed.
I have just worked out he's 10yrs younger than me. My age is hidden on tinder but I guess it's not a problem otherwise he wouldn't have swiped right.

Birthdayblu · 07/09/2023 14:32

@NellyTheCake ha, I could have written something similar. Had a man message me yesterday on WhatsApp (I should be meeting him for a first date on Friday) and I am hearing all about his sport, job etc. I piped up asking him who was on his WhatsApp pic as it was a really sweet photo. His response ‘Meg, Kim, Stan and Louise’ Er, ok I’m still no wiser! 🤪

Thisisworsethananticpated · 07/09/2023 16:02

SamW98

if he’s nice and cool when face to face maybe you need to tone down the WhatsApp messages inbetween ?

its the devil 👿 as whilst it’s nice to show both thinking of each other , they are a horrific medium if you are communicating

easily misconstrued

put another way the quality of the face to face communication says more than WhatsApp

SamW98 · 07/09/2023 16:27

I agree the f2f conversations are so good and that’s what’s important. And we only really have a short window where we’re both at home same time with time to message properly. I work a straight 9-5 he works shifts and at mo working 8pm to 4am. So often we’re messaging on the go.

Spoke to a mate earlier and she said her partner was like that at start. He would send her cheesy compliments just because he felt like he had to keep communicating but didn’t know what to say.

NoDatingFor0ldMen · 07/09/2023 20:59

Spoke to a mate earlier and she said her partner was like that at start. He would send her cheesy compliments just because he felt like he had to keep communicating but didn’t know what to say.

I think this is 100% , when I was seeing teacher, I sometimes thought I had to say something almost anything to keep the conversation moving along especially if was my “turn “ as such, but had nothing particularly interesting to say at that moment

Thisisworsethananticpated · 08/09/2023 08:09

NoDatingFor0ldMen

yes and yes !
and then it gets to the ‘he or she left me on read’ 😱

but maybe we have nothing literally nothing to say !! Or feel crappy and boring

LuckyLinda3 · 08/09/2023 18:21

Evening to all. Few days back from our first holiday abroad together and just trying to catch up. Hugs to all who have been ghosted or on receiving end of negative experiences and delight for all who things are going well for.
Really enjoyed our break and got on so well but I must say I didn't realise just how much of his free time football takes up...between the club he follows and the local team he is involved with. He was very aware and mannerly about that but we are coming back to a busy few weeks for him with several Sundays this month completely out for us due to football and a boys weekend too.
We have no aspirations of living together in the near future but it has made me think of the amount of compromise required on my part. I was also expecting a more "physical" time away and while we were, it just wasnt as much as I'd have like but maybe im expecting a bit too much given it was so warm and he has explained before thst he needs to "rest".
There are way more positives than negatives to our relationship so maybe I'll just see how this month pans out.

NoDatingFor0ldMen · 09/09/2023 06:41

Thisisworsethananticpated · 08/09/2023 08:09

NoDatingFor0ldMen

yes and yes !
and then it gets to the ‘he or she left me on read’ 😱

but maybe we have nothing literally nothing to say !! Or feel crappy and boring

You said it, & crappy and boring is my default state of being.

GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife · 09/09/2023 11:22

NoDatingFor0ldMen · 09/09/2023 06:41

You said it, & crappy and boring is my default state of being.

Show quote history

STOP!

That bloody teacher has done you no good.

SamW98 · 09/09/2023 13:11

Thisisworsethananticpated · 07/09/2023 16:02

SamW98

if he’s nice and cool when face to face maybe you need to tone down the WhatsApp messages inbetween ?

its the devil 👿 as whilst it’s nice to show both thinking of each other , they are a horrific medium if you are communicating

easily misconstrued

put another way the quality of the face to face communication says more than WhatsApp

You’re right. It does feel like needing to keep up communication when we can only meet at weekends and live an hour apart but tbh we’ve both been at work all week and very little constructive conversation to be had.

Im driving up to him tomorrow morning so we have the whole day to talk properly which will be so much better.

NellyTheCake · 09/09/2023 17:42

I had a date!! It went really well.
I wasn't expecting much as he didn't seem to be my type. His photos are rubbish

But he was so much better in person. We chatted non stop for 2hrs. The date only ended because he had to pick up his daughter.

Second date is booked for next weekend.
My only niggles are that he's 10yrs younger (my age is hidden on tinder) and he has young children (mine have left home). But so far so good.

I have another date arranged with someone else next week.
And 2 more chats that seem good.
Tinder seems to have started working for me this weekend....finally.

NervesOfCotton · 09/09/2023 21:15

Oh that's lovely NellyTheCake. Really happy for you with all of your chats & dates!

Just a question, why do you hide your age?