Dating Thread 242 - Mid-Summer daters

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The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

👍, she is a teacher, but her communication skills are woeful really, anyhoo, I got the “let’s just be friends “ message overnight, which is probably the worst of all messages in my opinion.

I think that’s it me and relationships for a long long while I think, I really really liked her, and this is like a real kick in the balls

NoDatingFor0ldMen

take some time out to nurse your bruised heart

make no dramatic decisions , see friends , exercise and look after your soul

im sorry it fucking hurts doesn’t it

but all these broken relationships do teach us stuff , but a bit too soon for that for you I’m sure

Just home after an absolutely lovely day. We get on so much better face to face. We never run out of things to talk about.

I went up to Suffolk and we went to a nice bar by the harbour then back to his for coffee where he was (almost) a perfect gentleman. Another 6 hour date which only ended as I didn’t want to be driving home in the dark.

We need to work on communicating better between dates but that’s something we can get past. I’m definitely smiling

@NervesOfCotton Those messages are awful. Hope you ignore them!

Great to hear @SamW98
You can't just give us that little snippet of (almost) a perfect gentleman, without a bit of elaboration 😉

Oh that sounds amazing! Lovely to hear you had such a great time.

Though I'm in agreement with @WtP. You need to tell us!

Ah I've been ghosted too by someone I really thought was very genuine and real after a few months
Absolutely blindsided me but what can you do :/

That sounds amazing SamW98! It's wonderful to hear some success stories on this thread 🥰

Can I join in this party? @NervesOfCotton im horrified on your behalf to see what you’ve received. Not that it’s any consolation, but I’m a size 8 and I get vicious messages, too. It’s probably not even to do with your weight it’s just people choosing to be shite.

last night exchange on tinder:

git: have you considered modelling?
me: haha, modelling what - shoes?!
git: oh so you have a shit sense of humour as well as no personality

block o’clock!

This week I also received a message from a man who’s last contact with me (we never did meet) was NOVEMBER. The audacity is something else.

And to add to the chorus of ghosting victims, last summer I was ghosted by a man after a month. When I realised what was happened I didn’t reach out despite my fury as I believe silence is an OG move. He’d spent the last weekend at mine commenting on things in my flat he could help me fix only to disappear. 8 weeks after the fact he sent me a cheery message asking if he’d seen me swimming at the beach. Reader, I blocked.

it’s blooming hard out there.

Hi Birthdayblu Thank you. I'm a 14/16 but the way they go on you'd think I was a 34/36 I'm sorry you've had those things happen to you. It really is tough isn't it.

Yesterday I had 'You deserve to be single' as well as'Mmmmmm' as first messages.

SamW I'm in Suffolk! That's an amazing update, so happy for you

Hi, been lurking but just joining.
I don't think I've got a thick enough skin for these apps - it's a bit brutal. I can function normally and confident socially face to face . Yet this is just too unnatural - do I message/dont I. Why's he disappeared - It's too hard 😤

Birthdayblu

gosh that’s horrible
did his profile give any inkling he was an angry people hating twat ?

its takes an ugly soul to say that

I’m fairly new to OLD did it on and off since the beginning of this year. Can I ask what does everyone think of men who start off by saying “tell me about yourself”

I feel it seems a bit lazy when they’ve not bothered to tell me about themselves first, or ask me more specific questions (eg. What are your hobbies, do you go out most weekends? ) but I guess you could say it shows curiosity and they do want to get to know you?

@NervesOfCotton that’s awful. What terrible men! I’m a size 10/12 currently but short so I am still overweight and was initially worried I’d get messages like that too.

Can I ask what dating site this was so I can avoid? 😂 I only got one like that on match with a guy who I didn’t like back, messaging me and saying he wanted to see my “ big fat ass” it was likely racial btw because at that point I didn’t have a full length picture up so there was only one reason he would’ve assumed the size of my ass.

@NoDatingFor0ldMen Sorry to hear things haven't worked out with Miss Teacher.

You posted a few weeks ago to say that she had agreed to dates and then cancelled on you as she didn't plan her time very well. Some might say this was the start of disinterest.
Its so frustrating, why can't people be honest.

How long had you been dating and how many dates did you have in that time?

@Thisisworsethananticpated nothing! And I agree. He had a normal bio/pics. You have to not take these things personally but man it’s soooo hard.

Hi Anewnamea Ugh, that guy gives me the ick just reading about him!
It's just called Free dating. There's a forum which is why I stay hanging around there really! & there isn't a day goes by when somebody doesn't start a thread saying 'I got this horrible message'...

I don't mind the 'Tell me about yourself' BUT I only give a very basic answer, Eg 'I Like cinema & walks mainly. You?' That puts the ball back in their court. If they give a decent answer then I will expand on mine. I do that with a lot of questions now tbf. I remember once being asked 'Worst date?' & I sent this long reply of quite a specific bad date (& it was funny too!) then asked him his & all I got back was 'Same really'. SO frustrating

Iveforgottenwhatitwas It's soooo hard. It took me ages to develop a thick enough skin tbh. I wasn't on here when I signed up & I genuinely thought 'Ok, I expect there will be a few sex pests but on the whole they will be decent'. Er...

@NervesOfCotton Thanks for sharing - noted, never heard of free dating but I’ll definitely know to avoid it now!

yeah that’s a good idea about responding with a basic answer. I’ll probably do that next time I get the “tell me about yourself” question. Part of me suspected the two guys that asked me that were trying to find out what I worked as/ my tax bracket but were being sly about it. And I’d rather people be open.

I can’t believe the guy’s two word reply after your long answer 💀 so disappointing when people OLD lack conversational skills or give low effort! 😆

Anewnamea Yes it's hard to know what they really want to know isn't it. Sometimes they make it easy by asking an early question of 'So what car do you drive?' Or similar. Nope.

Yes I stopped chatting to that one soon after. I know we don't need to waffle on & on with these messages but at the same time they need to give us something to go on don't they!

Most of the profiles just say 'Ask me' & then when you ask, they won't tell you anything

‘Ask me, I’m an open book!’

Dude, the last book I read had words and information on every page 🤨.

And match their enthusiasm and effort. You can ramp it up slightly if it’s going well, but again, see if he also ramps it up.

I was messaging someone on an app a while ago and I was asking where he’d travelled (it was listed as one of his hobbies). He gave me a list of countries. So I picked one and said it sounded interesting, was it pleasure or business? The answer I got - ‘work’. Ok mate, I can take the hint 🤣.

I had one like that. I asked him about his holidays he asked if I was financially secure, had a pension and wa ready to commit within 12/18 months - slightly heavy for day one

I still think the apps are full of misogynists who are only there to express their contempt for women. If I go back on them my first filter on matches will be ‘show me you’re not a misogynist’. Those fattist comments were clearly from deranged people who use dating apps, where we make ourselves at least a bit known and therefore vulnerable, purely to bully and hurt. And they succeed because we’re human.

I'm back on tinder. So far I've just encountered lack of effort. One word replies or 'lol'. Or just not replying to my opening message but not unmatching.

The only one who bothered with a decent message then decided to grill me on how long I'd been on tinder, was I on any other apps, what did I think of people who didn't message, what about fakes.

It felt like he wanted a review of tinder rather than getting to know me 🙄

@SortingItOut
not all that long really, 3 1/2 to 4 months, at first it was weekly dates then almost twice weekly during the school holidays and I was binned just before she went back
if
I was less generous of nature I would it was a (school) holiday fling for her, but I wouldn’t really expect that from a 51 year old school teacher ( or should I) 🤷‍♂️

Thank you all for your positive messages. I’m really surprised how well me and Mr GA get on. We really do talk non stop without any awkward silences at all and have talked about sone pretty personal things already but both felt comfortable having those conversations.

To think I originally said no to him because he was just a bit forward and lived forever away than I was looking. Then he blew me out with a hangover - thought I was pretty cool with that as he was out with his mates at a festival long booked and also I had back up plans with my mates.
I only met him last week coz I thought why not? And we did get on but the second date as totally different - we really did click.

So plans to meet the next two Sundays then I go away for a week to Greece. We’ve both discussed how we’ve got good friends and both still want our lives outside of a fledgling relationship but yes it’s going so much better than I could ever have imagined.

No DTD as yet - but it was fun kissing and fumbling like teenagers on his sofa 😘😘