Dating Thread 242 - Mid-Summer daters

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The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Well I’ve now been invited to visit his local town this weekend. It’s only about an hours drive so why not?
He asked if I wanted to stay and said he’s got a spare room but it’s a bit soon for me so I’ll go for the day and see how it goes.

He seems really keen - maybe a bit too keen - but I’m the opposite I’m a very slow burn so it’s about taking each meet up as it comes and being honest with each other. But yes feeling pretty positive and it’s nice to just talk to someone normal after the rogues gallery I’ve encountered previously

@SamW98 it all sounds like it’s going well for you so far. This isn’t the guy you met in a pub garden is it? It’s someone from the apps? Because there are no emojis (is that what I mean?) by people’s user names I sometimes lose track of who these men are, where they met them etc. If for example everyone had these whatever they’re called I could think oh, lady with glasses, I remember her story. Or lady with mountain photo, I know what’s going on with her!

@NervesOfCotton and anyone really, when you send a no thanks message and unmatch they won’t see your message. It’ll just look like you’ve silently unmatched. There’s no need for him to have answered like that. You said a graceful no, he should have said a graceful ok.

Oh ok @SamW98 this is the guy on the same train line. Can that be his name? I’ll remember who he is then 😆.

when you send a no thanks message and unmatch they won’t see your message.

This is true on Tinder but not on Bumble or fbook dating.
On those 2 apps the chat remains but you can't reply to it. Instead it tells you that the user 'wasn't feeling it' or something similar.

It's useful if you want to have the last word before you unmatch. I've done it a couple of times when I felt the match has acted inappropriately. Or to say 'how do you expect to date if you can't hold a conversation'

SamW98 sounds lovely. I hope it goes well for you.

Ha ha - yes he’s the one on same train line. Met online arranged a date but he blew out as he was as hanging - though it was a pre arranged boys day out at a festival so forgivable.
I wasn’t that fussed but he asked to meet Monday and I wasn’t doing anything so thought what’s worst that can happen and actually it went really well

So think I’ll have to call him Mr Greater Anglia (our train line) 🤣🤣

Oh so what happened to me? Had a Bumble date, sent a message to him that evening, the next morning the whole chat was gone and there was no sight of him. Did he delete his account then? Am I that awful? 😆.

Mr Greater Anglia - perfect, thank you 😁

@GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife it just means he wasnt interested so thought easier to click delete and make you disappear. I guess it's a bit harsh but what's the alternative, just leave the chat there...

Oh no!! That's awful.

I've been unmatched on Bumble & the chat has still been there.

However, according to Bumble faqs, if a user deletes their account or is blocked by Bumble, then the whole chat disappears.

@SamW98 good to hear all is going well with Mr Greater Anglia

@GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife yes, I'm on Bumble and the chat disappears if they either unmatch you or delete the app. I know this because I've just finished a call with Mr Freak (of whom more later), who told me he's deleted the app, as he felt we connected well.

Re Mr Freak, we just had our first phone call which lasted about 40 minutes. In this call, all of the following happened:

• he said all his relationships start with sex on the first date (I told him mine don't!)
• he doesn't see the point in waiting to have sex
• he likes to get freaky in the bedroom (I asked him not to elaborate)
• he invited himself to my house to work from home on the first date, as I mentioned my DC would be with their Dad (I told him I don't let men I don't know into my house)

I found him really pushy, not just on the call, but also if I've not read/responded to WhatsApp messages within a few hours. He wanted to meet tomorrow or Friday, but I said I have my DC (they leave tomorrow) to get out of it, and he said he didn't want to waste time dragging it out when I said we could meet Sunday or Monday.

I now really don't want to go on a date with him, or meet him anywhere, and I can tell he will be the type to get arsey if I say that directly.

What's the best way you would suggest to respond when he messages/calls to arrange the date? (I'm not planning on answering a call, will just send a message).

What's the best way you would suggest to respond when he messages/calls to arrange the date? (I'm not planning on answering a call, will just send a message).

Tell him that you've decided to join a convent that you're not a good match and that you wish him the best in his dating journey.

Thanks @MissConducUS I will send that message, and hope he doesn't message me to ask why 🙈🙈🙈

Starseeking

ew no !
id ghost 👻
he really deserves a ghost actually

@Thisisworsethananticpated I don't think it would feel right to ghost him given we had casually talked about a date, so the least I could do is let him know I'm not going to meet him. I'll have to block him if he gets weird about it following, though.

I would just say after having time to think, you realise you’re looking for different things and you wish him well
finding someone who is right for him.

Thats my standard response to men I decide against meeting.

If he gets arsey - delete and block.

he deserves immediate blocking. Are you serious?

reverse the situation- he'd have blocked you and called you a pschyo to his friends. I don't know how the convo lasted 40 minutes. He's pushy, aggressive and a sex pest!

Hmmm, I was in the talking stage with an ex colleague and it very much resembled Mr Freak. It wasn't good!

Have you said anything to him yet?

The last sentence there framed it beautifully.

Things are still chugging along nicely with Mr Analogue. I feel very comfortable around him and I'm trying not to let that freak me out ( this is the point where I have run a million miles from a budding relationship in the past). My mum and my sister are now both asking when they get to meet him 😅. He's so bloody attentive and it really is quite lovely. There's definitely some feelings stirring somewhere. I'm stopping at his between days at college next week and can't bloody wait already.

A not so small side note that was not a helpful addition to my week: I was at a wake yesterday evening for a friend who'd passed away. Ended up drinking with an old flame (5 years ago). We're both single within the past 6 months but we were quite good friends once upon a time till so we were having a bit of a catch up. He was drunk. Part way through the conversation he announced that he had a 'problem'. I asked what kind of problem. He then said it was a 'itssnotunusual' problem and promptly planted one on me. It's definitely not stirred up any old feelings (and, boy, did there used to be feelings there) which has kind of reaffirmed how much I really do like Mr Analogue. I did not kiss him back though I do feel weird about it, especially after Mr Analogue and I both confirmed we weren't seeing anyone else.

Hey, just stopping by to catch up!!

Spent some time over the last week refreshing my profile before I am ready to start dating again. Did have a nosey at the profiles and I’m just not feeling it, still!

Hi LittleFloatingGhost How many photos do you put on? I have 2 selfies & 2 full (ish) length ones but I'm always curious what other women do!

I've had the men 'Go Grey' on Bumble & it says they ended the chat. On the other site I'm on, you can send one last message telling them thanks but no thanks/where to go, & then block, but you can still check back to see if they read it but they can't reply

(I've had men do that to me too!)

Itssnotunusual Lovely update I wouldn't worry about what happened, it's not like you reciprocated.

Starseeking How did it go? I also would have just blocked tbh. But I often fall into the 'Well I owe him common courtesy' & sometimes, you really don't! It's just difficult isn't it.

Not who you asked but on my dating profiles at the minute there's 2 fullish length ones, 4 head/ torso selfies, a pic with family from a wedding photo booth and one of my dog 😂

I’ve got 4 head shots, 2 with upper body as well plus 2 full length - 1 sitting down.

The full length one gets by far the most attention - maybe because I’ve got a halo and angel wings 🤣🤣

SamW Mine are sitting down that's why I'm never sure if those count as 'Full length' but I think well they can see my fat tummy when I'm sat down so I'm being honest about my weight there (Seems to be a big concern for many men, women's weight)

Itssnotunusual That sounds like a good mix

@NervesOfCotton I am only on Hinge. Was also being nosey to see if Mr Music was on there’s but haven’t come across his profile at all. So weird.

I have five photos, one full length at a distance, but the other is closer up and I am doing something, so not a typical full upright one. I actually changed my gender to male seeking female for a nosey!! Back to my normal self now though!