Dating Thread 242 - Mid-Summer daters

[qqq82]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Soooo climbing back in the saddle. I go in phases of feeling I'd like to meet someone, feeling too busy to meet someone, disillusioned with every man I contact 😆
But tomorrow I'm meeting Mr Rugby.

Sounds and looks good on paper. Lives around 45 mins away but that's expected in my location. Meeting halfway for drinks tomorrow lunchtime, possibly taking our dogs.

Let's see. Nobody else of remote interest, unsurprisingly!!

Going to catch up on you all now!

@Nugg good luck!
I go through those phases as well.

About to enter "I'd like to meet someone" phase again. I've had my hair done, downloaded the apps, persuaded a friend to take new photos later this week.

I will last about a week before the optimism disappears and I become disillusioned again.

@NellyTheCake I last 24 hours usually. Complete FB dating level 1 and "take a break" 🤣

That sounds promising @SamW98, and good that he is making that extra effort seeing as he cancelled the last date.

I went on Thursday's date, which was nice, but again I didn't feel a proper connection with him, although I know he's keen to go out again.

I've been doing internet dating for about 4 weeks now, and while I try to stay positive, it is hard when I've had so many of the same conversations with men, progress to agreeing to have a potential date, then they ghost when it comes to making arrangements!

I've spoken to a wide range of men, from age 24(!) to 55; as I'm early 40's I've set my criteria to 40-50, and both oldest and youngest incorrectly set their ages within my range. The 3 guys I've met were been between 42-48, which is perfect, just frustrating that there wasn't a spark on my side.

Oh well, I've also lined up a couple of dates for next weekend, when my DC will be at their Dads, so will see how those go, hopefully better than the dates so far!

My gardener guy asked to meet up but, as well as telling me that he has no hobbies, he then said that he's only free from 9pm week day evenings.

Another one I was chatting to today had his location listed nearby but said that's his parents home & he's actually miles away & refused to answer when I said 'How would that work logistically if we get on & wanted to meet for a date?' So I've just unmatched.

Loads of those 'Nearby but not nearby' on Bumble.

Nugg Good luck for tomorrow!

Starseeking I hear you, it's so difficult isn't it. There just doesn't seem to be anybody decent out there!

@NervesOfCotton thank you! I get a lot of not really nearby as I live in a town that has a lot of seasonal visitors shall we say!

45 mins is my limit, as I want to meet a night midweek ideally as well as weekends and I'm happy to travel that far.

I truly don't have any hobbies, I work, do house/garden, see friends and walk my dog 😆 worried I'm going to sound so dull to any prospective irons!

I've been ghosted a number of times before, but also lose interest in the ones with little conversation and unmatch too so I must also be a ghoster!

Only on fb dating at present, too lazy for anything else right now!

Nugg Seeing friends & dog walking is 2 more interests than most of the men I chat to so I wouldn't worry

I like doing things like colouring & puzzles in the evenings when the kids are in bed, & most men are incredibly rude about my 'old lady' hobbies!

I'm not convinced by those "nearby but outside your settings" on Bumble @NervesOfCotton.

Of all the apps I've joined, I find Bumble the worst for decent matches, yet it's the most expensive. Plus so many men on there say they can't see likes as they don't want to pay! I joined Bumble for a week, and have just cancelled my subscription there as it feels like the men click like on everyone, then when you message, they don't reply!

I'm still on FB dating, PoF and Tinder. PoF I like the best, and it's where I've met the most dates from. Going to give it to the end of my one month subscription of the paid apps, then reassess as not sure I can keep going with the apps much longer without taking a break!

Starseeking I'll never understand why you'd say you live in X place but you actually live another 60 miles away from that, I guess they think they will win us over with their sparkling personality's of 'I don't do anything' & then we won't care where they live

I paid for Bumble for a month & I do prefer it to not paying tbh BUT it didn't lead to any dates so I'm just on it for free for now.

@Starseeking I know PoF has a bad reputation but I’ve consistently found more engagement on there than other apps.

And for me, Bumble was the same. Match, send message, tumbleweed.

Hinge - no matches, not messages, no nothing.

Next time I’m on the apps I might try Tinder. I had thought it was for ONS but I’ve read stuff recently (here?) that makes me now realise that people my age use it as a normal app.

Plus, I do reckon that the success on various apps might be very location specific. What works in one area and age group might not work in another area or age group.

@GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife Hinge is a funny one as seems like there are 'cooler' sorts on there. Try deleting and restarting. I got about 20 likes after doing this, which is still zilch compared to other sites. I just think Hinge is full of a lot of adventure seekers whereas I must be rather boring. A colleague married her Hinge date, but she's also an adventurer!

@Meepme I’m not on any apps at the moment. But I definitely don’t want an adventurous guy! Or maybe just a small adventure. But I’m not going to go rock climbing or staying in a boutique hotel (no idea what they are, I just sense it’s not my thing), and the only times I’m ever cool is when I’ve forgotten my John Lewis cardy.

@GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife it might be a London thing but almost every other on Hinge seems to have climbed everest or want someone really active. I just feel its an app for people in their 30s.

I found same with Hinge. Everyone was a kayaking mountaineering paddle boarder who wrestles bears in their lunch break and only takes holidays trekking barefoot through Himalayas.

My experience of POF was dreadful. Fakes, scammers and sleazy pervs. I only lasted a few days and deleted. The whole experience made me feel like I needed to shower in bleach to get the ick off.

Bumble has been best for me but I’ve now run out of people to swipe on.

@SamW98 such a funny description of Hinge! I think a lot is because the mother tends to have the children more so less free time, but with Hinge it feels all the more obvious as everyone is doing so much with their time there.

Meepme Yes. I'll admit it does make me feel sad & I stop talking to men, if they say something like 'I like to travel all over the world, I've done 30 countries in a week, I'm barely at home tbh, oh & I've got 3 primary aged kids' like an after thought, (& they think all that travel will be seen as a plus) But they are obviously only able to travel so much because they don't bother with their kids.

I've not been on Hinge but Cupid is absolutely horrendous. I'm only still on there out of some morbid curiosity I think
I literally only log on if my email tells me I've got an intro, & they are always from very strange men!

I rather fancy a kayaking, mountaineering paddleboarder 😆
Better than the men that message me who think watching game of thrones on repeat is a worthwhile hobby.

My gardener guy asked to meet up but, as well as telling me that he has no hobbies, he then said that he's only free from 9pm week day evenings.
Are you going to meet him? @NervesOfCotton
He doesn't sound like he really wants to date. Might be useful, though, if you need some gardening advice.

I matched with a tree surgeon, earlier this year. His sole contribution to the chat was to tell me he was tired and was going to bed. At 8pm. He did this three times before I unmatched him.

I've tried Tinder, Bumble, POF, Match, OK Cupid, Hinge, Fbook dating.

Tinder works best for me. Then POF.
Bumble has given me 2 matches and 2 dates in 6 years.
The rest have been useless.

But I think it is very much down to luck, location and age rather than any one app being better than another.

Right Mr blow out has messaged telling me what time his train gets in so I’m currently getting ready to meet up.

I feel oddly nervous which has surprised me as I’ve felt a bit ‘meh’ about him but let’s see how it goes.

We both support the same football team who won at weekend so he’s in a good mood there 🤣

Ill report back tonight

NellyTheCake No I unmatched him, I'm not meeting anybody who can only do after 9. Maybe we chatted to the same man & he manages to stay up sometimes now

I mentioned before that he made a comment that I didn't like but I might have just been being sensitive, but when I thought about it, I still didn't like it. I told him that I'd had somebody come & do my garden once, even though it's just lawn & weeds front & back. He came back with 'Surely you can manage that yourself?' & I just thought it was a bit off. I don't want him judging me on what I can/can't/don't want to manage with my garden

Ooh Lovely SamW Good luck, sending happy vibes!

Bumble was odd today, LOADS of men nearby that seemed decent, I must have swiped Right on 30 men which has never happened on there, it was so weird! No replies yet though. Typical

@NervesOfCotton
Think you were right to unmatch him, especially after that comment!
If everyone managed their own "lawn & weeds" then he wouldn't have a job

Well I met Mr Rugby. It was a lovely couple of hours, I never initially have a spark but I could imagine some glowing embers building. First time ever!

However we shall see. I'm expecting a negative from him just cos that's the high opinion I have of myself 🤦🏼‍♀️😮😳

Hope it's going well @SamW98 !

That sounds promising! And quite lovely.

Don't be too hard on yourself. I don't think a lot of myself but looking at some of the guys I've had multiple dates with recently and in the past I guess I can't be too bad!

I have date no.4 with Mr Analogue tomorrow afternoon! I'm very excited and currently plotting what to wear/ take with me. We've had two impromptu sleepovers and I really need to actually bring a tooth brush this time at the very least 😂. I can't wear anything too fancy as we're going for a walk first but my casual clothes are extremely tomboyish so maybe not