Dating Thread 242 - Mid-Summer daters

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The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I love the name Mr Analogue 😂😂😂

It's very accurate 😂. I may shorten it just to make my self laugh, my humour is bottom tier. Pun intended.

Sorry it's ended like this LittleFloatingGhost.

Nice to read some happy dating stories (& some of the same old, same old, is oddly reassuring that it's not just me!)

I got chatting to one today, but within a few messages he turns it to sex. I called him out on it, he said he'd stopped, then within a few messages, off he goes again. (Stuff like 'Id be poking you in the back with my naughty love stick, day & night, but take it as a compliment')

I sent a sarky (because I'm bored)
One back saying 'I'll answer my own question then shall I'.

He came back with 'Sorry, I don't like the question & answer bit tbh, I just like to meet so we can chat'.

So I said 'I agree, I like to meet sooner rather than later too BUT I need a bit of the boring questions on here first so that I can get a rough idea about you, & the idea that I've got of you, is that you are in a 50 year olds body with a teenage boys mind'.

He's since sent me 4 apologizing (& saying that he was raised by men so that's just how he is!) & I've ignored them all.

If a man (or woman) is that insecure before we’ve even been on a date then it’s only going to get worse. To show a jealous and controlling streak - even dressed up as humour- from the start is a major red flag for me.

Not letting grass grow under my feet - chatting to a google of others already 🤣

Oh God the sexual chat from early on shows they don’t really have much else to offer imo. It’s just cheap and lazy and shows the limit of their communication.

I usually let it go first time and change subject but if they keep coming back then it’s a delete

Hi SamW98 I'm glad you've got some more chats going

Me too, depends on my mood, sometimes I'll let one comment go but sometimes it's an instant block... I've not blocked this one now as I'm seeing how many messages he sends just for my own amusement

Looks like date from last night isn't a grown up (despite being well into his 50s) as he didn't reply to my WhatsApp and has just unmatched on app 😄

That's bad behaviour for any age. I'd be annoyed at that and I'm in my early/ mid 20s.

I thought you said there was no chemistry and you sent him a thanks but no thanks 🤷‍♂️, unmatching you seems like a pretty average response

Oh I'm just a bit more polite then @NoDatingFor0ldMen - if I get that sort of message I do a no worries, was nice to have met you, best of luck type thing but maybe I'm weird then 😆

But I suppose its better than getting a load of abuse

I’m probably just rude then 😢as that’s pretty much my response 😂

Slothmomma I'm like you & would reply with something polite, but I can see your point too NoDatingFor0ldMen

Well done on ignoring…patience

I'm definitely in the polite category too- as long as they are. If they're a knob about it I'd probably just unmatch and block!

There's a good and a bad way of handling that- I've dropped lucky so far though!

I was meant to be seeing Mr Scott on Monday though so I feel the need to politely cancel which is not something I normally have to do!

I do have date no.2 planned with Mr Analogue and I feel a tad giddy about it 😅

That one only sent one more message which I ignored as well.

New one, 41 but never had a serious relationship due to his stutter. Fine, doesn't bother me. Chatting away all good, agrees with me that it's scary to meet but he'd rather get it done sooner rather than later.

Then he says he has a sick note & doesn't know if he's up to meeting anybody. Ugh. Polite brush off I think.

Hi all, I’m new here, dipping my toe in the murky waters of OLD. Have already been burned so thought I better get myself in here. Had been chatting for a few days to a guy on bumble, met up chatted more, chemistry was insane and had a fairly steamy kissing session. Met up again and Dtd and it was every bit as good as I imagined. Chemistry off the scale. He kept telling me how perfect it all was, how he couldn’t stop thinking about me…we joked about him blocking me. Then between 2nd date and planned 3rd date he started saying he was a bit worried as he wanted his own kids in the future and he knows I’m not wanting more. Red flags galore! Anyway the following day after another long msg exchange when he was sharing his favourite music, telling me stuff about his family, sharing photos of him and his mum etc he then suddenly said sorry, my ex got back in touch after no contact for a year and I’m getting back with her! And immediately blocked me on apps and WhatsApp….
I initially believed the story but realise it was just an elaborate love bombing. The annoying thing is, if he had told me he just wanted sex I’d have been fine with that (as he was sooo hot!). It was the deception that really hurt.
So I’m thinking my new strategy should be to take things more slowly (although had I done this with him the result would have been the same and I might have been more attached to him by that point?!)
Any top tips much appreciated

Aah sorry Ghislainedefeligonde. Sounds pretty standard sadly. I suppose the only good thing about taking things more slowly is that, if you hadn't DTD yet, would it have been easier for you (& less feelings involved) when it ended? It's hard to say isn't it.

I'm still chatting to mine... The messages are a bit strange, I can't quite put my finger on it. I said there's not much point chatting if he's not up to meeting any time soon & he said we can meet now then! So of course I said no to that.

He's sent me 2 videos where he doesn't say anything but at least I know he's 'real'.

So Mr Scott messaged me at 3am asking about when we're next meeting up 😅. To make it worse I spoke with my friend about it this morning who said something along the lines of 'imagine someone liking you enough to message at 3am to check you're still meeting up'.

We had made vague plans to see each other again before my date with Mr Analogue. Which was a bit of a bolt from the blue in terms of chemistry- before the date with Mr A I thought the date with Mr S was absolutely fantastic. But the chemistry with Mr A was through the roof in comparison.

I'm trying to think of a good message to send that pops the breaks on with Mr S whilst not coming across like a dick in case Mr A turns out to be a raging dickhead.

So far I've got this:
'I hope you're having a good time in Edinburgh. Just so you know I had another date the other day and I've arranged to see them again. I know others do it but I'm not really a 'seeing more than one person at once' kind of person because that feels really insincere.

I don't know if I need to change it up or add something else?

Itssnotunusual Message seems good but it doesn't seem quite 'finished' to me? Maybe add something on the end about how you would/wouldn't like to see him again?

My chat, had said that after work he just goes home & does nothing as he's been on his feet all day & he's tired. I said I know how he feels as once the kids are in bed, most nights I just want to sit & relax (although I added that I'd be happy to go out for a date now & again in the evening too) ... I was assuming that he's working 7-7 or until 9pm or something...

He later said though, that he does 8-2 & it's a '2 minute drive home', so he spends every day after work from 2.15 until bed just doing nothing? GAH!

@NervesOfCotton good point! I would quite like to see him again if it doesn't go anywhere good with Mr A which is why I'm trying to do it very politely!

Oof I would find that really off putting. My ex didn't have any hobbies to speak of apart from drinking alone and playing on his Xbox. My life shrank considerably whilst I was with him. Maybe he just needs gentle a push to actually do something with his time but I personally would find that about if a red flag!

Itssnotunusual I'm not much help am I, I know what you mean but I'm not sure how you do that politely

Yeah, he said he's got in to a rut & would like to get out more... I'm not discounting him yet, I'm taking this one at face-value. He's been honest about his stutter etc. The videos he's sent me, he looks super-cute! I think I'm going to need to coax him out a bit (which isn't easy for me as when it comes to face to face I'm really shy until I know somebody!)

I've told him I'm free this afternoon & then not for 2 weeks anyway, so the ball is in his court. (I've had childcare here & there, so I was free to date all through the school holidays, but this next 2 weeks I've got none!)

Thank you @Stepcount, how are you doing?

There's quite a big difference between can't be arsed to do anything (my ex) and wants to do things but kind of struggles to know what to do! So that's maybe a beige flag at worst now!

Here's to hoping he picks up the ball and you get yourself a date!

I'm also really shy face to face but a bit eccentric when you get to know me. My shell is my safe place!

What surprised me with Mr Analogue is how easily I came out of it