Dating Thread 242 - Mid-Summer daters

[qqq82]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

The perils of first time DTD… he was all mouth about high libido ( in retrospect…a red flag). It was awful. He got ED and tried and tried when I was just “ let’s give it a break”…he then went home and told me he spent the night erect, which I really don’t believe. Anyway I’ve now got the ick. I don’t think he can be a sexual partner now. A good friend at most. Luckily we have half a month ahead without seeing each other as we have kids holidays and social commitments. I think I will slowly fade and Mr Athletic sadly is not my guy. He’s a wonderful bloke but chemistry is not there anymore. I don’t think I want to try DTD again. I think it’s the way he behaved that really gave me the ick. If he had laughed it off and stop and suggest we give it another go later or whatever or just be joke a bit about it, it would have been fine. But he didn’t…he was all offended by his ED and making up for it in weird ways.
Anyway… I will look slowly and take my time before I date someone else. Mid September looks a better option…in the meantime, I’m reading your posts 😊

Thanks Itssnotunusual*. That's lovely to hear about Mr Analogue! Did you send your message?

There was clearly a whole load of anxiety type stuff going on for him, also around meeting new people. He said he needs to push himself to step out of his comfort zone a bit more .. anyway, he asked me for a time yesterday, when I said lunchtime, so I said 'I'll be free at 12' & he's not messaged me.

I'm un-decided weather to message him or not.

PinkIdentity Just saw yours, how disappointing! Sounds incredibly frustrating, the way he behaved during & after. I've never been in that situation myself but I think I'd be like you 'Why don't we take a break, get the pressure off' etc.

I’d say…if you like the guy, message him…nothing to lose really

Must admit I don’t do much in the week after work except flop in front of Netflix - wouldn’t occur to me for that to be a red flag.

I go out most weekends and I’m pretty social but weekday evenings are my chill time where I switch off and sone out.

Ive only arranged dates at weekends so far. Not sure if I’d fancy a midweek first date tbh I’d rather have the morning free to get myself relaxed and ready rather than rush home from work and go out again.

If I recieved a message like that, I wouldn't date you if your plan A fell through, but again that's just me. I'd probably send something like pausing dating for a bit.

@PinkIdentity oh no! what a shame. I just caught up on your updates and it was sounding sooo good. The way he behaved might have been icky but he was probably desperate to impress. My man has had ED( always linked to when he's had a few drinks) and the first time he was so mortified and scared it would always happen.

@Stepcount I really hope you are OK. I wouldn't reach out to him re the death anniversary, I think you need to heal and no contact is always useful in this period.

I know what you mean SamW98, It was the finishing at 2 & doing nothing, that felt like half the day wasted for me (but it might be just me!) & that added to the also doing 'Nothing' on his days off.

Ok I think he's just messing around. I messaged just a 'Hi, how are you' he said good so I said 'Did you not feel up to meeting?' & he said 'I went for a walk & had a nap'.

Throw this one back

I have qqq82. It's not my job to fix him & I don't want to be his pen pal. He sent me a pic of him just laying there watching TV, same as yesterday, in the same clothes as yesterday (but said it was today) & this time it wasn't cute it was 'Nah. I'm done'.

🤦‍♀️ Eugh

Never had a relationship, a bad stutter, backing out of meeting, that’s going to take a certain kind of woman to cope with him. It’s a shame, because if you see beyond the facade people are very different underneath, but it just reminds me of the saying ‘I’m not after a project’.

GoingToBeLesRubbishAtLife It is a shame, he was different than most & that's what appealed to me, he wasn't arrogant or full of himself, he reminded me of myself with all my worries & insecurities!

But he clearly wasn't able/willing to meet somebody at the moment.

Also, same clothes as yesterday? No. Just no.

Bare minimum is a shower every day, clean underwear and top. I sometimes wear a top twice if I’ve been in the house doing nothing sweaty but that’s an exception.

And while trying to impress someone new? He should be raising his standards higher than bare minimum!

It was a good date with Mr Scott but I get the vibe he was in it for casual dating/ fun as opposed to anything longer term anyway.

Which has just been fully supported by him telling me I know where he is if/when if I'm free 😬

I'm not going to lie about it to be honest- I've had similar casual relationships before where a member has put it on pause because they've found someone they want to invest all their dating energy into. I've always appreciated the message letting me know rather than a lie or a ghosting 🤷

Yes I did! I added a bit about how it was lovely to meet him and such!

He's basically said I know where he is if I want to pick things back up which I wasn't totally expecting. That's definitely a more casual thing that I can happily leave on the shelf for now I think. As ridiculously gorgeous as he was 🙈

As qqq82 said- throw that one back in. It's definitely not your job to fix him. I've been there and done that and it wasn't a good way to spend 4 years of my life!

Itssnotunusual Aah, that was a good, & unexpected ending then!

I know, it was the photo today that did it, horrible flashback to my ex who used to wear the same manky T-Shirt for days while laying in his pit, & expected me to do all the running to him (which I did, but I was 14 years younger, & a lot stupider, then)

A date today, on my last day of freedom, would have been nice, but at the same time, I'm not desperate!

I'm sat in the garden with a Pepsi, the breeze is blowing my hair, & if I close my eyes I can pretend I'm on a beach with a cocktail

Has anyone tried fbook dating?

Friend of mine met the love of his life on it last year. They are getting married soon.

So on his advice I've set up a profile. Age 45-60, distance 20miles.
It's showing me men that are supposedly an exact match to my requirements. But they are 50, even 100+ miles away.
I'm not being shown anyone close by.

I've had a few likes from locals but none that I'd go anywhere near.

Am I using it wrong? I've checked my settings & my location

He did a bit of boundary pushing too was a bit 😬. I might throw him a line future but hopefully won't need to 😂

I'm on my first night of freedom whilst my ex has our little boy. I'm celebrating it with chip shop goodies and premixed cocktail. Whilst I cleanup the disaster area that is our house at the moment.

I'm getting a regular stream of messages from Mr Analogue though so that's nice. He's really lovely and I felt we connected well before meeting. I'm still feeling warm and fuzzy from the date. I'm just trying hard not to put him on a pedestal mentally because I have been known to do that- I just really fancy him 🙈

Thanks NervesofC and MyFabby
No harm done. I had a few lovely dinner dates and he's a nice gent.
I think I am just finally out of a very high maintenance relationship with MrEx ( although the sex was amazing always) and I am in no hurry to compromise on any important level. I want to add and enjoy right now and not "having to work" at stuff. I will take it easy and look at dating more seriously mid September. I have a lot going on he rest of this month and first half of next.

Really lovely that it’s all moving on the right direction…enjoy !

How does that work? The problem is I would not want to have anything linked to my actual FB profile… so I haven’t even thought of trying that

The only thing it takes from fbook is your first name and your age. Both of which are deliberately wrong on mine but I can't change them in dating

It's shown me one person that has a mutual friend with me. Not someone I know well.
But otherwise it's not showing me anyone local, so I'm a bit 🤔 as to how it works.

I've managed to get a couple of matches because they liked me first. So obviously I'm showing as local to them.
But as usual, they aren't chatty.