Dating Thread 242 - Mid-Summer daters

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The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

🤯👀🕵️‍♂️

Mind blowing eyes detective ?? 😳

Ha ha!

More like, ‘oh heck how do people know my previous name?’!

@PinkIdentity It's all going well here thank you, we're still together 😊

Fahbulass!

I'm enjoying catching up on all the updates.

SamW so excited for you, do you have a date planned yet? Must be a great feeling knowing that real life attraction is already there!

I bowed out of here about a month ago as I wanted to give things a go with my ex husband, we are separated but still living together. Anyway it's not as good as I thought, the old behaviour patterns are still there and he doesn't make me feel great with his way of draining my energy. I can't describe it. We are on hols with our kids atm and whilst it's been nice to spend time together, I have realised that I either have to accept him as he is and dull myself, or I leave it and move on.

Wishing everyone a good day, it is nice to hear so many happy updates

I don’t envy your situation at all but it’s good that you are still finding something worth fighting for regarding your marriage. The question for me is always “ do I want to grow old with this person? After kids are gone ? Try to rest and enjoy kids and te assess when you are back

@PinkIdentity hello, how lovely to see you back and with such a wonderful update.
Some great posts too from others having success and enjoying their dates - long may it continue. 🤞🏼
@SortingItOut I made it to collect my DDs uni stuff but the car was so full she had to get the train home !
No contact with Mr V, over a week now. Thoughts and feelings all over the place but thankfully no horrid anxiety anymore and very minimal tears. Just feeling generally a bit confused about why it happened.
@Thisisworsethananticpated I watched a couple of Matthew Hussey videos and he talks general sense but I found some of it a bit too hypothetical. What happens if you’re both doing no contact and expecting the same outcome? 🤔
Mr V has the anniversary of his mom’s death towards the end of the month. I don’t know if I should reach out around that time? I think I will want to have further closure at some point if this is the end of things because without that I feel I might be waiting to move my life on.

@PinkIdentity I'm doing ok thanks. Not putting much effort into dating (have a lot going on with life) but go on the occasional date (think it's 12 this year) and have forthcoming date with new iron tomorrow evening. Haven't dated anyone properly since Oct last year (can't remember what he was called) so no dtd for me since then but am being more picky now (the last iron i went on a couple of dates with ghosted me after i refused his offer to go back to his)😄

Slothy…if a guy ghosts you because you don’t want to go to his or DTD he’s making you a favour. So many idiots out there. You just enjoy
I’m kind of waiting for Mr Athletic to be silly or to do something wrong but he’s just lovely. I’m not really used to not having drama, crazy ex wife stalking me or desperately unhappy partner. I realise I’m not used to dating a happy content man. This feeling of peace and easy communication is totally weird. Let’s see how the sex part develops, I think he’s a bit nervous 😬. Men have a really tough deal as they age. The sex bit matters a lot to me.
Stepcount, you need a bit of closure and understanding what happened. I remember it wasn’t straightforward between you two and there was an intimacy issue but you have been incredibly supportive. You are a lot stronger than you think. If it was me, I’d like to meet to understand what the hell happened but I’ve been dragging on for years an on and off relationship that was highly unsatisfactory ( apart from the sex…the sex was divine and out of this world always and I’m kind of resigned this is once in a lifetime event). Think if it’s appropriate for you two to have a second conversation about the break up

@Thewildthingsliveatmyhouse - no date as yet and communication not as good as I thought it might be tbh. Couple of things already making me think hmm but I’m not making any snap judgement which is something I’ve been to quick to do in past so I’ll carry on and see what happens

Oh I feel for you had one Iron who just vanished all day/weekend and then started again as though we had been talking all day?

Hate to be the cheery one though as my relationship with Mrs VW is going from strength to strength 🤗due to work we won't have met for 4 days and we are both counting down the days till Saturday.
My Ex-Girlfriend (still good friends) contacted me about an event & I decided to tell her about my new relationship. She seemed genuinely happy for me!
This sort of stuff is really out of my comfort zone in my late 50's after a 37 year relationship with my late wife!
Good luck to everyone on new dates over the next few days and weekend.

SamW98… these niggling feelings we have something isn’t quite right are normally spot on unfortunately. At least in my case. I’m trying hard not to be overly judging too but a change in comms is a bad sign IMHO

Oh no! That's not a great sign. Maybe he feels a bit odd as you've already kind of met? I find it much easier to get that first proper meet up done. Hopefully it will get to that point..keeping everything crossed

Thanks @pinkidentity
I can see myself being old with him, but always having regrets. I can tell he is having doubts too, we have discussed it this week. However I am the instigator of almost everything which is draining, and I can't spend another 27 years (and more, we were married for 20) feeling like that. I think us getting together in our teens hasn't been good for our long term development as adults.

Things are going good for us @PinkIdentity , thanks for asking. He is looking to spend more time together which is fantastic but also poses a problem as I do suffer terribly with mum guilt. We have booked a week away to Spain at the end of the month so I'm really looking forward to the time away with him but also feeling guilty about spending so much money on myself/being away from the kids.

LuckyLy …brilliant news. I think all mums are racked with mum guilt but I think you two so deserve this break. A happy mum is wonderful ( and sometimes, kids don’t miss us that much ). Please go and enjoy and kill the guilty little cricket in your ear.

Thanks @PinkIdentity, yes you are right we do deserve it. We are both full time parents with no assistance from ex partners and even though all our kids are 18+ now we're still busy running them here and there etc on top of the normal caring and worry.
We have a wedding to attend this weekend too, on his side, so I'm looking forward to that and the excuse to get glammed up. Have you any plans? Hoping everyone has a great weekend.

Well that was short and not very sweet. My gut was telling me he was off and I was right.

After a few messages where I didn’t really like his tone, he asked if I was going to the bar where we first met this Sunday. I replied no, my friends are going and I’ve been invited but already got plans meeting another friend.

He immediately replied ‘you’ve got another date’ so I said I haven’t I’m lunching with a friend - his response your (sic) lying it’s a man

So I didn’t and I’ve been deleted this morning - oh well. No loss it seems.

Next lol

@PinkIdentity 👋 how you doing?

@SamW98 what a strange sequence of events. I thought you were off to a flying start having already made an in person connection. Another to add to the ‘ lucky I dodged that one’ list. As you say … next !

@LuckyLinda3 that’s a lovely update from you. So pleased to hear that things are moving forward. Go and enjoy the wedding and your holiday. Many of us suffer with the parent guilt but we also have to find ways to take care of ourselves and our needs along the way.

Definitely think I’ve dodged a bullet. If he’s getting funny about me possibly having another date - even though it’s not - before we’ve even met up again then I can see far too many red flags.

I do have an active social life and if a man can’t accept I will sometimes have plans with the girls without getting funny about it then he’s not for me.

My last partner of 2 years was very jealous and that’s made me listen to my gut a lot earlier now.

How weird. I always think meeting someone in the wild is way better, just a more ‘normal’ beginning, but it seems not 🤔.

Hellooooo! I’ve posted Mr Ex and I stopped seeing each other in June and I have moved on. He needs to conquer his demons and deal with his mental health. I started looking a bit apps in July but being very very selective. I’ve met someone and we have dated everyday of this week. We now have family commitments and holidays abroad with kids so it’s slow, really awesome communication and peaceful. We’ll see what happens but he’s a really nice man. I’ve read you are also dating a lovely lady 😊