Dating Thread 242 - Mid-Summer daters

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The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Stepcount Good to see you posting, I nearly posted this morning asking how you were.

The first few weeks after a breakup can be so tough especially when you experience the firsts of things such as this is the first weekend you've not met up.

In your previous post you said that you had both agreed to be friends. Did you discuss what this looked like?

If you care about him and want to remain friends then you do need to clarify what that looks like now and in the future.

Unless either or you agreed no contact then I think a check in next week to see how his weekend was and how he is would be acceptable.
I also think clarifying level of contact would be a good idea.

Alternatively if you think not remaining friends is for the best then don't reach out and just keep living your life the best you can🩷

I mean my pre baby body was much better but I've still got some good stuff going on it seems 😂. I wish I was more confident in my late teens, I'm kind of kicking my self now as I could have had all sorts of fun with people I considered out of my League 😂

The post sex oxytocin is a killer. It was great sex. I'm kind of glad that specific bit of ice has been broken.

I had to spend ten minutes on a bench on the way to a date once because I felt so light headed, I thought I was going to faint with terror!

I was luckily with friends and family for a couple of hours beforehand who managed to be very uplifting. I'm definitely one of overthinking. I dated a very beautiful Irish PHd student a few years ago. After the first date which was 30 minute meeting over coffee I fully expected him to never want to see me again I was so completely star struck by him. It was a little bit ridiculous. But the second date ended with the steamiest first kiss in the city centre- I still can't go past the traffic island where it happened without blushing and that was 4 years ago. I loose all sense around attractive people I swear.

@SortingItOut thank you for checking in with me. When I posted this morning I should have said that I wasn’t planning or expecting to message Mr V too soon. I think it felt when we spoke in the week like some distance to process was necessary. I’m still not sure what I want or what is best going forward. I think though that at some point I am going to need to decide that it’s definitely over and I want/need to move on. I’m nowhere near that yet but how Mr V acts in the coming weeks will impact my decisions no doubt. I saw a friend this afternoon and she was very much of the opinion that it’s over. I guess time will tell. Mr V was due to drive us to my daughter’s uni flat 175 miles away yesterday and collect all her stuff in his work van. He was insistent on Wednesday that he would still do that but I wouldn’t let him so I am going tomorrow in my car and praying we can cram everything in.
As you say @SortingItOut the details of our friendship are yet to be defined. I will probably reach out to check on his health and subsequently to check what of his things here he wants. But all that is for sometime down the line.

Can I join you? I've decided to venture into the OLD scene. I've been single for 6 months. I joined Hinge, Bumble and Tinder. What a minefield! I've had one coffee date with a guy from Bumble, he's attractive and polite but a bit dull! I had another date with a guy from Hinge who was clearly much better looking in his pics than in real life and quite a bit overweight! lol. Nice guy but again a bit boring. Maybe third time lucky....

Oh - Thank you very much, it’s seems to have worked a treat,
I gave up about a year ago, same tired old faces, dipped my toe back in this year and matched almost instantly 👍🏼

@NoDatingFor0ldMen ah that’s good, can you give me some of your luck please? 😁

I seem to get quite lucky to be honest. I think checking their other social media out gives a bit of reassurance (or red flags) to go off before actually committing to a date. Luckily both Mr Scott and Mr Analogue have decent social media presences (including some news articles) to go off of. I'm prefer someone who's chatty over messages too so I can ask a few basic questions there.

Tinder seems to be better for volume- there's a range of people on there but it give you a chance to kind of filter to the more promising prospects than. I've found whilst most people on bumble, hinge and eHarmony seem to be more serious there's definitely fewer people that I would be genuinely interested in meeting

I would say she is not old fashioned at all, her tastes and approach to life is refreshingly modern ( she takes the piss out of me for being old fashioned).

The cancelling dates for spurious reasons can be a sign that she is not that into you or maybe she committed to the date in haste without thinking about her week

I think this ^^ might be it, if I suggest something, she will almost immediately say yes, but the last 2 times she had already committed to other things on those days so I was the one being cancelled.

I really really like her and when we are together it’s really good, but she seems to just say yes to everything and she just may not have enough hours in the day to please everyone

I’m not sure you do want my luck TBH, I can meet & match quite easily, but I seem to be character flaw blind.

I could meet a woman who had buried her last 3 husbands & she could have a gun in her pocket, a knife in one hand and a bloody axe 🪓 in the other hand & I wouldn’t notice until someone pointed out to me that they don’t call her “ Looking for dead husband No4,” for no reason

Oh dear! I struggle mostly with absolutely hating the apps. I delete them for very minor reasons, I send a lot of likes and messages but the number of responses I receive in return is so pitifully low, delete the app, regret it the next week, start again. And on and on.

@GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife
Take a long break,6 months or more - it really helped me.
BTW - what was your previous user name ?

Is it possible to find a man who won't start talking about sex before you even meet? Maybe I'm old fashioned to me it just screams no respect.

Just PM’d you.

I date men 33-46 and most men haven’t brought it up with me tbh, but I deliberately come across quite distant initially, so maybe that’s why. Although there was one guy I really liked and was chatting to for hours just had to ruin it and mention sex as I was getting off the phone at the end of our first chat.

I let it go but then he mentioned it again next time we spoke so I called him out on it and don’t really see him a serious dating prospect.

And you’re right it’s very disrespectful. Those are the men who will expect sex on date 2 or 3 if not the first date, which just isn’t for me.

It’s very disrespectful and shows lack of class and any sort of decent communication skills but tbh it also weeds out the ones who say they want a relationship but really just want sex. And these are men in their 50’s

It’s just lazy like they’ve got nothing to offer - I couldn’t make it clearer I have no interest in that sort of talk but they still do it. I just say it’s not for me and if they continue I delete. I’m not wasting my time on overgrown little boys .

It puts me off instantly. I want someone who wouldn't dream of bringing sex into a conversation with a women he has just met, or hasn't even met yet! It's an instant 'umatch' for me.

That’s really interesting to read - as the woman I’m seeing raised sex 1st ( in a kinda polite way), to enquire if I needs “meds”, im also 50+ ( as she is )

The difference of opinions on here is so interesting

Got to be honest thats not a conversation that’s ever crossed my mind.

Think we are more talking about OLD matches that we’ve not even met that start sexual chat within a few days of messaging which imo makes them come across as sleazy. I’ve no doubt there are also women who do this and others who like that sort of chat but it’s absolutely a big no for me.

@SamW98 oh yes, I see your point - certainly not before the initial meet or first few dates, that’s just a stupid way to put people off.

the person I’m seeing was previously in a sexless relationship, and I think she was trying to avoid that again 😂 ( with a clunky comment)

@NoDatingFor0ldMen Just catching up and saw your reply.

Can

@NoDatingFor0ldMen Not sure what happened there...

Can you speak to her and tell her how disappointing it is when she has to cancel a date and you would rather she said No when you asked than agree and cancel later?
She sounds a bit of a people pleaser which we can all be guilty of.

I'm one of those people who tries to cram too much into my days but usually not stuff that impacts others as I hate letting people down.

Its hard when you're starting to date to find time for dating as usually youvefilled your diary with other things...or is that just me😂