Dating Thread 242 - Mid-Summer daters

[qqq82]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

NoDatingFor0ldMen

personally I’d minimise drama and do a quiet fade
delete details , unmatch etc

IF she returns lay some boundaries
and move forward

I’d certainly not be texting someone who makes no effort
or wasting emotional energy on ending it

sorry man dating sucks ass !

Difficult to work out at the moment if I am truly missing him or if I’m just scared of what my life looks like without him in it

both and it a going to hurt like hell x

the only thing you can do to minimise is to keep busy , see people that love you and NOT contact him

Im feeling crappy as I’ve deleted for the 10000th time my on and off FWB

i have a milestone bday this week and I’m not entering a new decade with this shit

what’s changed is I’ve realised he has so many problems and issues , it’s not personal
he likes me a lot
But he will never ever change and whilst I’m on a personal growth journey
he ain’t

but its not good enough , better alone

To address the situation, simply bring it up in a respectful and non-judgmental manner. There could be a valid reason why your relationship isn't a priority for her.

Dear God just had another peach of a match on Bumble.
Quick exchange of pleasantries and then I asked what he’s up to today - his response (and this is copy and paste)

proppa bored this weekend am doing nuffink really just keep knocking one out lol lol lol

Seriously how is this prime catch still lol single?? Btw he’s 53 ffs

@SamW98 this is where I struggle with online dating, the grammar, spelling, overall level of written communication. It really turns me off if they can’t write coherently, I know that’s very judgemental but I can’t help it. (I’m very forgiving of auto correct though.)

Anyway, I’ve been here in the past, a ‘thing’ I was involved in has now come to its conclusion so I’m going to hover until I work up the energy to get back out there.

And one more thing, why does he think a complete stranger would be interested?

I’m the same. Poor communication skills really put me off and as for that information - really no thank you.

I wonder what on earth they think they’ll get in response? Do they think that’s what women want to discuss? Just no

The mind boggles at their thought processes!!
The being bored is enough of a red flag TBH, I can't abide people who say they are bored, as it's usually a sign they are boring & lack drive and ambition?
Well obviously other than the ambition to "knock one out" he'll probably get ED now from that 😂

@NoDatingFor0ldMen
Perhaps as she's a teacher she needs a properly drafted timetable 😉
Seriously though I can see that having to do all the leg work would start to grate really quickly.
If you think the relationship has a future I would probably test it by having your say (in a nice manner) then you will at least set out some form of boundaries to work with.

you are spot on, we don’t usually meet on a School night ( school work stuff, kids etc), so, I was hoping the school holidays would free up some “together “ time, but yes to the summer break comment, she has stuff booked almost weekly during the summer

I did have a little laugh to myself when I first read this as due to skim reading I replaced "hover" with "hoover"
I thought "bloody hell her house is going to be really clean" 😅

I know what you mean about working up the energy though! It took me from late Feb till late June to get back out there, but I'm glad I did as I've met the most utterly charming woman who I adore & she feels the same about me, even her cat loves me 😊

I mean, I probably should be doing more hoovering 🤣.

As well as working up the mental energy, I am about 16 stones at the moment and was hoping to lose a bit of flab. I’m very unfit too, and have dug out a few fitness videos to get cracking with.

Do you all think autumn is a good time to go on the apps? IS there a good time or doesn’t it matter? I think app activity tends to drop off over the Christmas and New Year period anyway, doesn’t it?

I think people can have different expectations re how much time they have available for dating, but they should be honest if they have limited availability.

(I did a profile review for you a couple of name changes ago btw, maybe two years ago?)

Totally new to this thread! I'm happy to see it exists

I had my first 'first date' in four years last night after ending my long term relationship a couple of months ago.

But oh my god it went well. I'll call him Mr. Scott. We met through OLD a month or so a go and spoke a lot on there for a few days before he fell off the face of the earth. We'd had a couple of non starters where one of us was free but the other wasn't and he live about an hour away so last minute dates are tricky! But he offered to come over to me for a few drinks yesterday evening in a pub. We were there for 4 hours which seemed to go in a complete flash. 100% as gorgeous as his profile pictures as well. I went home with him which I do not regret one bit. After years of pretty stale sex that was completely something else. It's getting me a bit hot under the collar just thinking about it.

But he's gorgeous, funny and well educated and part of me can't for the life of me figure out why he's gone out with me. As a single mum in her early 20s I don't feel like much of a catch at the best of times and it's really something I need to get my over in my head. We did discuss a second date 😁 whilst he was dropping me off at the train station. I feel a bit giddy to be honest.

The only thing is I'm also talking to someone else who I'm very interested in who I'll call Mr Analogue (collects and sells VHS and that kind of thing). They seem like two extremely different people but with some stuff in common. They're both a few years older than me (10/11 years). Both have are self employed and very committed to their work. Both very attractive but in very different ways. I was meant to meet Mr Analogue yesterday but he wanted to reschedule as he was ill which was fair enough. I'm still really eager to meet him to see if there is anything there in person. I do heavily vet via conversation and no small amount of looking them up online to try and get a feel for a person before I go out of my way to meet up.

I can be a bit of a one track kind of person and to be honest dating both of them kind of freaks me out a bit- like I'm being super disingenuous about it. Not that I would expect them to only see me in return but I can't quite get that thought out of my head!

"I mean, I probably should be doing more hoovering 🤣.

As well as working up the mental energy, I am about 16 stones at the moment and was hoping to lose a bit of flab. I’m very unfit too, and have dug out a few fitness videos to get cracking with.

Do you all think autumn is a good time to go on the apps? IS there a good time or doesn’t it matter? I think app activity tends to drop off over the Christmas and New Year period anyway, doesn’t it?"
@GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife

Well I'm lead to believe energetic hoovering is probably a good workout 😉
As for weight well it all depends on how tall you are?
I previously dated a lady who was 18 stone but she was 6' tall so although well covered she was still very sexy.
If you want my honest opinion as a man we are mostly less concerned about lumps & bumps and more interested in your outlook on life.
I guess this probably works for all of us but no one wants a partner who moans and complains we want to enjoy being with a person, having a laugh and being intimate.

“But he's gorgeous, funny and well educated and part of me can't for the life of me figure out why he's gone out with me. As a single mum in her early 20s I don't feel like much of a catch at the best of times and it's really something I need to get my over in my head”

@Itssnotunusual
Welcome! That’s nice your date went well!

You say your early 20s, that’s considered by many men as a woman’s “best years” in terms of attractiveness and this man is significantly older than you (10 years is a lot! so that’s a plus in your favour in many men’s eyes (not all men but many like younger women especially when they hit 30)

I’m sure he finds you attractive, hopefully he is genuine but important to remember that dating and having sex with a woman doesn’t always translate to them being seriously open to having a relationship with a woman. So at this stage especially don’t feel all grateful or confused at X type of men being interested in you!

Oops..I double quoted by accident

Well I’m actually only 5’ 6” so I do need to lose a bit. Plus, for health reasons.

I do think I’m quite youthful in my mentality, and try to see the positive in things as much as possible. I try to keep things interesting, but still……..I do own a mirror, and I do glance into it occasionally 😁.

Some very valid points made there!

I've never been that great or confident with dating. Especially dating multiple people at once.

Admittedly I've always dated up an age group, I think my smallest age gap was 4 years and he seemed very young compared to what I was used to at the time!

I think I need to get over myself a fair bit. I said the same thing to my friend about not being sure why he'd gone for me and I got a very blunt 'have you looked in the mirror lately itsnotunusual' which was probably a fair jab. I know objectively that if I was unattractive there wouldn't have been a first date let alone arranging a second. I'm definitely more confident than I was a few years ago though!

I’m the same - not that used to or comfortable with dating, especially dating more than one simultaneously and I’m a lot older than you (thirties) whatever happens at least you’re getting in some practice!

I think many of us second guess ourselves at one point or another as it’s hard to work out a new persons intentions sometimes. I’m sure your friend was absolutely right and no doubt Mr Scott does think you’re very attractive!

I think this is why I'm such a heavy vetter of people. It takes quite a lot for me to actually go on a date so I want to make sure it's more likely than not to be worth the effort.

I usually end up bouncing off the walls with nervous energy pre-date.

@GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife
Don't get me wrong I might be 6'3" but I'm not exactly friends with the mirror either😳
I can't understand why my girlfriend calls me "sexy or handsome" so don't think its a woman only issue!

Itssnotunusual

I’d say his main attraction was your fine physical self !!

that said I had a marvellous body in my early 20s but even worse self esteem than now
🤷‍♀️
such a waste !

either way good you enjoyed it
and grit teeth over the post good sex oxytocin 🥰🥰🥰

@NoDatingFor0ldMen
Does the lady you are dating believe in men organising and paying for all dates?
Its somewhat old fashioned but some people still prefer the traditional dating model.

Communication is important here. If you like her you need to speak to her about dating styles and all the things you mentioned in your post.
If you don't like her much let her fade out.

The cancelling dates for spurious reasons can be a sign that she is not that into you or maybe she committed to the date in haste without thinking about her week or maybe she is finding out how into her you are by seeing if you keep coming back.