Dating Thread 242 - Mid-Summer daters

[qqq82]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@LittleFloatingGhost it sounds a bit like you are on the back-burner. Great you are stepping back a bit

Well sorry to say that there was absolutely no spark with my date. He was about 3 inches shorter than he claimed to be on his profile and only around my height.

We chatted quite a bit but he kept interrupting and talking over me which I found really irritating.

He’s just messaged saying how much he liked me so I’m gonna have to be honest but I hate this bit.

Oh well onwards and upwards

@qqq82 that sounds lovely. At least he’s showing he’s somewhat invested in what you have.

The men who have came on strong with me in the beginning have given me nothing but endless texts and calls before ghosting.

And tbh I’d prefer if they had at least sent a box of chocs at the start so I could have received something in return out of it before they vanished, since they got the benefit of my conversation.

@SamW98 how disappointing. Will you be honest when you let him down or just say something generic?

I’ve just had two ghosters re-appear 🙄one of them I’d told him to contact me when he was ready as I felt like I was bothering him and he just stayed silent for 3 weeks until Thursday when he rang out of the blue.

I know I said “get in touch when you’re ready” but he could’ve at least acknowledged that text.

I didn’t see his call or text until today but I’ve decided not to return it for the meantime if at all. tired of men who disappear and pop up again when convenient.

LittleFloatingGhost How did it go?

Oatycookies Oh that sounds incredibly frustrating! They drive you crazy when they do crap like that don't they.

Nothing going on for me, no chats, I'm ignoring everybody

It’s so bloody frustrating when they’re not completely honest. He even asked me on phone how tall I was and told me he was 5’ 10 (I’m 5’7) but he was no more than 5’8.

It wasn’t even just his height. It was like as soon as I saw him my heart sank a bit as he just wasn’t what I expected. And as much as I don’t expect a man to pay, he had a soft drink when he got a round and an alcoholic one second round and sat on his hands waiting for me to pay.

I will probably say something genetic like I didn’t feel any connection or spark. I hate this bit but I know he’s looking for a relationship so I don’t want to waste his time.

@NervesOfCotton it was nice and spontaneous. I wasn’t expecting to see him at all. I also felt more comfortable as I had detached myself from investing too much and I really enjoyed myself. He has invited me out tomorrow too, but I have plans and can’t go.

@SamW98
What is it with people fibbing about their height?
OK so I have an advantage as I'm 6'3" but its not like you can kid someone when you meet & perhaps I'm old fashioned but on a first date I would never expect the woman to pay.
Fine if you offer to pay 50/50 which I will refuse but I would never expect you to pay on a first date?

@LittleFloatingGhost
Good for you that you are approaching it without investing too much at this early stage 😊
I think this is what can utterly drain you with OLD if you invest too much of your emotions early on.

@WtP That’s what I found myself doing. I feel more in control and comfortable now, just by taking that little step of deleting a number. I don’t and shouldn’t be chasing anyone! Ha!

You go girl, your in charge now 😊

The height thing annoyed me because he knew it would be an issue - we actually discussed on phone people who lie about their height/age etc and he said he didn’t get why people aren’t honest - so a red flag there.

Im happy to pay my way but it’s the way it was done like he literally sat there and waited for me to pay. Not even a token gesture or an ‘are you sure’ the drinks came up, she told us his much and he literally sat still and didn’t move a muscle. And that he got a soft drink gif his own round but an alcoholic one when he waited for me to pay - hmm

There’s a few other things too but he’s a definite no thanks.

You sound like you have a good set of rules to dating and I don't blame you for your definite "No thanks"

It was one of my rules for OLD to stick to my requirements of a partner. I know it would reduce the number of potential matches but it possibly meant less issues down the line?

I met my husband on match many years ago, I asked him out.

I just love lurking on this thread, I hope you all don’t mind.

I have got some requirements that I won’t compromise on and others I’d be a bit flexible about if everything else seemed a good fit but dishonestly is a dealbreaker even over something minor. Unfortunately when my marriage first ended I dated a guy who told a few silly lies and it turned out there were bigger things he’d not been honest about either so it’s once bitten, twice shy for me.

I’m in no rush and so happy to kiss a few frogs so to speak and wait til I find someone who I feel that spark with.

Is it just me that doesnt trust match ? I haven't subscribed yet so i can't message anyone but I'm getting constant email that someone has liked my profile or messaged me but I can't see who they are. And the messages are strange, don't feel real. I'm guessing it's a tactic to entice to subscribe. But you don't get to message if it's a mutual like, like on other apps 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Iveforgottenwhatitwas I think there is something dodgy about match too. If you subscribe, you might get no decent interest but right at the end, someone seems to pop up, but feels like a paid person to keep people interested? Just a feeling I had.

The paid matches wouldn't surprise me. Somebody I know was paid to be on a new set up dating thing (more agency type thing) to use his profile to entice women in.

Mr snap messaged late last night 🤦‍♀️ so now I'm going to have to do the back out message. Didnt see anyone out in wild I liked look of either 😄

Hello All, I used to be on here previously and am just looking for some opinions really.( I’m a man, just for clarity)
Have been seeing a woman for a few months now, very lovely woman, 2 kids ( teenagers boys), professional job ( teacher), all very lovely, we communicate mostly via WA, have DTD a few times, all good

So when we have dates, so far I’ve done all the arranging ( & paying), which is a bit annoying now, as she kinda defaults back to me arranging everything.

I like her, but she is just so unreliable , for sure example we were supposed to meet for lunch on Tuesday, but at the last minute she couldn’t make it due to other commitments .
Same on Friday, tried to arrange lunch, but she to pack for her holiday and cancelled at the last minute, and this is quite common, we (I) arrange something and it gets cancelled at the last minute.

so I guess what I’m asking is , I know life happens sometimes, and dates get cancelled, but if you had to cancel, would you offer to arrange the next date or just cancel and it’s that just tough shit on the other person?

Just to say thank you again to those who helped me during the last week by sharing thoughts and showing kindness whilst I processed the events with Mr V.
There is no further update as since the chat on Wednesday evening we haven’t been in touch. Initially I was just happy(?) to have been able to see him to finally hear what the problem was. I felt a bit numb but now I feel somewhat empty and unsure on what happens next. Do I reach out about test results which may have shed light on what is happening if it’s physical? Check on how he’s feeling? Of course when you have too much time to think you re run the conversation we had and look for other meanings in what he said. I was very calm during the conversation and didn’t really question much of what he said with regard to my feelings or needs.
I feel like I have lost my best friend, someone I spent every weekend with. I am however also able to see where things were not as good with him - in terms of a relationship- and then I wonder if this is for the best. Difficult to work out at the moment if I am truly missing him or if I’m just scared of what my life looks like without him in it.
Sorry as well that I haven’t been commenting on other people’s posts.

@NoDatingFor0ldMen just read your post which appeared while I was writing mine. I think that there should be a mutual investment in the organising of dates etc. When she has had to cancel do you get a reasonable apology or explanation? Juggling responsibilities as a single mom can be difficult and as a former teacher I know how longed for the summer break is so you tend to cram in as much as possible. But I think it ultimately comes down to how invested she is in the relationship, what time she has to give to you and how well she communicates around the cancellations etc

I’m sorry but that doesn’t sound good at all - rude, and taking you for granted. You need to tell her how you feel about it.

@NoDatingFor0ldMen personally if I was in your position I'd feel like I was the only one making any effort and I'd have backed off by now. Cancelling at last minute and not rearranging is just rude. I want someone who matches my effort personally. Is it worth having that sort of conversation with her?

@Stepcount I think you'll just hurt yourself more by reaching out. Hes make his position clear and I think you just need to use this time to heal

Mr snap has just messaged to say he's free anytime next week now. I'm not sure what to do here. Hes a nice guy but I just don't see how logistically longterm it would work given we've only managed 2 dates in about 6 weeks and we virtually live round corner from each other 🤦‍♀️

@NoDatingFor0ldMen - if I had to cancel at short notice i would be very apologetic and definitely offer to plan another date.
Leaving you to arrange and pay for everything is a red flag imo.
Personally I think she should be putting her hand in her pocket as well as making suggestions for where to go.