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Original poster

I think this is too much of an age gap for me

152 replies

Sh179 · 10/07/2023 21:14

I've known this man through friends for many years, but he asked me out a while ago. Initially I was unsure because I've always been happy when single and after last breakup I decided to remain so. We've had two dates. He's known my age for a while but never told me his and was a bit reluctant when I asked. So I'm 47 and he's almost 65. I was a bit shocked as I thought maybe 61 at most. To be honest, I don't think I want to be with someone that much older than me. Is this understandable?

OP posts:
Livelifelaughter · 10/07/2023 21:23

I think it's too big a gap, you're at different life stages.

Stratocumulus · 10/07/2023 21:27

“Young man’s darling, old man’s nurse.”
As PP has observed, you’re at different life stages & always will be.

blondewhoneedshelp · 10/07/2023 21:27

It's totally your call lovely. After all, you're the main character in your story. If you're not comfortable then that's all you need to know.

My parents have an 18 year age gap. They adore each other and my dad really helped my mum grow and blossom but now that my mum is 62 and my dad is 80 I can see how tough it is for my mum. She is so scared to lose him. It's heartbreaking but they are still so much in love. I guess it's down to what feels right. You'll know in your gut.

samestyle · 10/07/2023 21:31

It's a personal choice, it Will be for some and not a big deal for others, all that matters is if you're comfortable with it, its not just age but attraction, friendship. Compatibility, if he has everything you want then who cares what others think.

hattie43 · 10/07/2023 21:32

If he was younger I'd say 18 yrs is not totally insurmountable but he's 65 that's 5 yrs from 70 and that could mean you'd spend more years as a carer than you'd enjoy .
It wouldn't be for me I'm afraid

Pinkbonbon · 10/07/2023 21:36

Far too old.

I wouldn't even date someone past 50 at 47.
You don't want to wind up a carer
Let alone in just a few years.

SwedishEdith · 10/07/2023 21:36

It's too big a gap now you're 47. You won't get his best/good years. If you were both 20 years younger, you might have more of a good time but not now.

Pinkbonbon · 10/07/2023 21:38

Honestly I'd think he was a dirty old man for even asking tbh.

Could you ever imagine hitting on someone your age at his age? Honestly, the arrogance of some blokes.

TomatoSandwiches · 10/07/2023 21:39

It would be to much for me, I'd rather be single.

Berlinlover · 10/07/2023 21:42

I’m almost 47 and my partner turned 68 yesterday. We have been together nearly three years and are very happy.

Original poster
Sh179 · 10/07/2023 21:43

I think this has helped me decide it's not for me. To be honest, I enjoyed the 2 dates, he's a really nice guy, a gentleman, but I still am unsure whether I want to get into another relationship- I think the single life suits me better. Is it best to be honest with him as to the reasons why I don't want to take it any further?

OP posts:
LunaNorth · 10/07/2023 21:44

Pinkbonbon · 10/07/2023 21:38

Honestly I'd think he was a dirty old man for even asking tbh.

Could you ever imagine hitting on someone your age at his age? Honestly, the arrogance of some blokes.

Nice.

OP, if it doesn’t work for you, it doesn’t work for you.

But there are almost 16 years between me and my gorgeous husband. He’s 64 and I’m 49. Nothing old about him. We’re blissfully happy.

BeverlyHa · 10/07/2023 21:45

oh my goodness. that is a hard one.

LunaNorth · 10/07/2023 21:45

Sh179 · 10/07/2023 21:43

I think this has helped me decide it's not for me. To be honest, I enjoyed the 2 dates, he's a really nice guy, a gentleman, but I still am unsure whether I want to get into another relationship- I think the single life suits me better. Is it best to be honest with him as to the reasons why I don't want to take it any further?

You don’t need to give a reason.

’I’m just not feeling it,’ is all the reason you need.

Farmageddon · 10/07/2023 21:47

OP if it doesn't feel right for you then don't bother, you don't owe him an explanation. Just say you're not ready to date and would rather be friends. He's at a totally different life stage than you.

FWIW I wouldn't date much older either, a few years but not much more than that.

And all the people who bang on about 'age doesn't matter' blah blah, fail to acknowledge that it is almost always older men with younger women, not the other way around. No way would most of these men date 15 years older than themselves...

cheezncrackers · 10/07/2023 21:52

65 to your 47? That would be a 'No' from me - far too big. He's retirement age and you're not even 50 yet. Find a man your own age.

LunaNorth · 10/07/2023 21:52

Funny that.

My DH was married to an older partner before me.

The sweeping generalisations and ageism just keep coming on these threads.

something2say · 10/07/2023 22:00

I had my first experience with a man ten years older than me recently - UNBELIEVABLE sex. (His libido was waning tho due to meds.)

Hashtag, sorry for lowering the tone!

Original poster
Sh179 · 10/07/2023 22:00

He said he was stressed about me knowing his age and I know I reacted a bit shocked, tried to hide it... it was over the phone, I pressed him to tell me.

OP posts:
MiniTheMinx · 10/07/2023 22:01

If you are happy being single I'm surprised it's even an issue. There is always time for friends, for companionship, for mutual support and laughter. Why not just enjoy dates since you enjoyed the first two. It's not like either of you need to rush to settle in your nest and produce offspring! No need to ever live together or wipe his wrinkly bum in 10 years, no need at all. So I don't understand the question really.

ZebraDilemma · 10/07/2023 22:03

BeverlyHa · 10/07/2023 21:45

oh my goodness. that is a hard one.

It probably isn’t…

Jobalob · 10/07/2023 22:04

I was with someone who was 55 when I was 45. Our kids were similar ages and he looked brilliant for his age , we got on amazingly and there was no discernible difference between us. Ultimately l couldn’t get over the fact that I didn’t want to be with someone that much older long term. Current partner is 2 years older and I am much more comfortable with that

Original poster
Sh179 · 10/07/2023 22:07

MiniTheMinx · 10/07/2023 22:01

If you are happy being single I'm surprised it's even an issue. There is always time for friends, for companionship, for mutual support and laughter. Why not just enjoy dates since you enjoyed the first two. It's not like either of you need to rush to settle in your nest and produce offspring! No need to ever live together or wipe his wrinkly bum in 10 years, no need at all. So I don't understand the question really.

Because I'm getting the impression he'd like a lot more than that and I really don't want to lead him on.

OP posts:
chocobaby · 10/07/2023 22:12

I’m probably late to the party but yes he’s too old for you. You’re in different stages of life, especially if like me you’re a young at heart 40 something and still living life to the fullest.
no need to give a reason just say not for me thanks.

Original poster
Sh179 · 10/07/2023 22:17

chocobaby · 10/07/2023 22:12

I’m probably late to the party but yes he’s too old for you. You’re in different stages of life, especially if like me you’re a young at heart 40 something and still living life to the fullest.
no need to give a reason just say not for me thanks.

I'm a terrible people pleaser, hate hurting people, but thanks, I do know that's all I need to say really.

OP posts:
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