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Original poster

Stag Do "Joke" AIBU

145 replies

littlerainbow0405 · 09/07/2023 08:54

AIBU

My partner's due to go for his best friends stag next weekend. I've been fine with this and haven't given it much thought until I've seen a message on the group chat from my OH saying 'bring condoms, what happens on stag stays on stay'

The context of sort it all seemed like it was meant to be jokey but I'm also heartbroken because what if he's being genuine?

We've got a 3 month old and it's massively upset me. I feel so disrespected and like it hugely affects trust whether it's 'banter' or not...

Any advice? Should I prepare myself now to leave him? Please no fear mongering

OP posts:
mashm24 · 09/07/2023 08:55

Oh gosh no. My husband would never say this and if he did, joke or not, he'd be out the door so quick.

So sorry, that must be awful to see.

Changingplace · 09/07/2023 09:01

Oh my god I’m so sorry but this is disgusting from him, doesn’t sound like a ‘joke’ at all, how grim :(

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 09/07/2023 09:04

Not appropriate but probably just trying to feel youthful again. Doesn't mean he's going to cheat. Unless he's given you reason Not to trust him before I wouldn't be too worried.

RenoDakota · 09/07/2023 09:08

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 09/07/2023 09:04

Not appropriate but probably just trying to feel youthful again. Doesn't mean he's going to cheat. Unless he's given you reason Not to trust him before I wouldn't be too worried.

Christ, there are some ridiculously low bars on here.

ZenNudist · 09/07/2023 09:08

I don't think it's a joke. You can't trust him. I think he should offer to pull out of the stag.

ProudThrilledHappy · 09/07/2023 09:12

I would take the time he is away getting things in order to end it once he’s back. LTB is trotted out easily here but in this instance I would be done.

That wasn’t a joke, even if he tries to convince you it is

Shoxfordian · 09/07/2023 09:15

I wouldn’t be impressed with that but he probably thinks he’s joking- it’s not going to be isolated shit behaviour though is it? All part of a pattern

yellowsmileyface · 09/07/2023 09:21

Even if it is a joke, it's an incredibly disrespectful and disgusting joke to make.

Have you actually confronted him about it? His reaction would probably be quite telling, whether he's genuinely reassuring, acknowledges it was a shit joke, or whether he gets defensive.

mashm24 · 09/07/2023 09:37

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 09/07/2023 09:04

Not appropriate but probably just trying to feel youthful again. Doesn't mean he's going to cheat. Unless he's given you reason Not to trust him before I wouldn't be too worried.

You wouldn't be too worried about your partner saying bring condoms? Really!

Dotcheck · 09/07/2023 09:41

How is that a joke/ funny? Was there a relevant context ( not sure what that could be)

loverrr · 09/07/2023 09:46

Sorry but this just sounds like a stupid joke- unless you dont trust him and there are other issues I would just roll my eyes

GoodChat · 09/07/2023 09:52

He sounds like an immature idiot and has set the tone for the stag now.

AHugeTinyMistake · 09/07/2023 09:54

I would be seriously unimpressed

I don't see how that's a joke. Seems like wishful thinking to me. Like he's hoping for some no strings sex while they're away

Gross.

trevthecat · 09/07/2023 09:56

Does he know you have seen the message?

ButteryNut · 09/07/2023 09:57

I don’t get how it’s a joke… can someone explain the funny part?

Sorry OP.

pyjamasallday22 · 09/07/2023 10:00

I think there needs to be more context. Has he got form for cheating or dodgy behaviour or is this out of character for him? I'd be livid at the comment but it doesn't necessarily mean there's an intention to cheat, maybe he's just trying to be a 'lad' and fit in with the single blokes attending. Still pathetic and disrespectful but you cant assume this definitely means he will cheat.

People offering different perspectives also doesn't mean they have low bars or standards by the way. Sometimes the immediate 'LTB's aren't particularly helpful.

Op I'd be having a chat with him before he goes or you'll be stewing on it the whole time he's away and it'll be unbearable for you.

casualreader2022 · 09/07/2023 10:00

My husband would never say that... I'd be surprised if it's a joke. Maybe not even that he'll cheat, but he's setting up/enabling a culture where they'll cover for each other if it does. And you have a little baby too? Blah. He should be apologizing.

Jibo · 09/07/2023 10:01

Where are they going?

I wouldn't be impressed with going on a stag weekend when you have a small baby anyway, regardless of the message (which is disgusting). Does he know you've seen it?

SirChenjins · 09/07/2023 10:02

That’s not funny at all - that sounds like he has every intention of using them if the opportunity presents itself and the awful thing is you’ll never know if it did or not.

The intention to cheat would be too much for me and I would be seriously considering my marriage.

Susieb2023 · 09/07/2023 10:05

No. Just no. That’s awful.

Im not sure how I could move forward after seeing that. There’s clear intention.

Rainbowqueeen · 09/07/2023 10:05

That’s not funny. Yuck

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 09/07/2023 10:19

Every stag I've been on has one dickhead who's mission it is to cheat on his wife, and if he can get other people to cheat too then all the better, it normalises it.

Looks like your husband is the resident dickhead on this one, sorry you had to find out like this.

MMmomDD · 09/07/2023 10:23

Generally - it is hard to tell without knowing anything about him and his friends. What he and they are like; what they do when together; how old all of you are; where they are going.

Among my friends (in our 40s) - I could potentially see one of us making a throw away comment that isn’t meant to mean anything really.

However - I am guessing you all are younger. And - you have a baby - but he is just a ‘partner’ - so not really committed to this grown up life.

So - my guess this is probably one of those ‘jokes’ that is testing the water. And showing intent.

Zanatdy · 09/07/2023 10:56

Sorry OP I can’t see how he was joking.

QueefQueen80s · 09/07/2023 10:57

Gross. Men with laddy friends like this get a wide berth from me.