Page 7 | Past drugs and casual sex

Red20 · 2023-07-03T18:45:48+00:00

I've been with my girlfriend for just under two years. We're in our mid 40s, work in the professions and both have teenage children. Last week she was telling me about a safeguarding course she was going to attend as she's starting work for a charity. She then said that she'd looked at the subjects for risky behaviour and started laughing as she'd apparently done the same things herself, namely drugs and casual sex. This related to school and university as well as later in life. She said she'd only stopped smoking dope when she had her daughter. This is the first time she's mentioned any of this. The issue for me is I really don't like drugs. I don't do drugs and don't mix with people who do. A close friend lost his daughter to an overdose so I've seen first-hand the damage. As for casual sex that's not for me. I've had long and short relationships as well as being married. We had talked about moving in together, but now I'm not so sure. What should I do?

Fuckthatguy · 05/07/2023 13:54

I think OP has name changed to @OnenightinBangkok 😂

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/07/2023 14:01

Casual sex damages a woman's ability to pair bond.

I'll have to tell my DH of 15 years that. Give him a laugh.

EcoChica1980 · 05/07/2023 14:43

The issue is entirely yours, not hers.

OldBeller · 05/07/2023 16:01

OnenightinBangkok · 05/07/2023 09:46

Ignore those who say you sound judgemental. You are allowed to be as judgemental as you like!
Casual sex damages a woman's ability to pair bond.
They can't get away with it like men can.
I don't care if my dp has had sex with lots of women as men can mentally and emotionally get away with it.
As for drugs, they DO exploit people!!!

Dump her.

You don't have to stay with someone whose values are different to your own!

You don't have to 'grow up' at all.

You're with a woman who displays poor judgement by having casual sex and has done drugs. It is ENTIRELY reasonable you want better.

Men who have casual sex and do drugs also display poor judgement but life's not fair and it doesn't effect them in the same way.

I prove yourself and get a better option.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Cheers for the laugh. I needed that!

MermaidEyes · 05/07/2023 16:07

OnenightinBangkok · 05/07/2023 09:46

Ignore those who say you sound judgemental. You are allowed to be as judgemental as you like!
Casual sex damages a woman's ability to pair bond.
They can't get away with it like men can.
I don't care if my dp has had sex with lots of women as men can mentally and emotionally get away with it.
As for drugs, they DO exploit people!!!

Dump her.

You don't have to stay with someone whose values are different to your own!

You don't have to 'grow up' at all.

You're with a woman who displays poor judgement by having casual sex and has done drugs. It is ENTIRELY reasonable you want better.

Men who have casual sex and do drugs also display poor judgement but life's not fair and it doesn't effect them in the same way.

I prove yourself and get a better option.

The 1950s called, they want their outdated ideas back.

pinkyredrose · 05/07/2023 16:43

OnenightinBangkok · 05/07/2023 09:46

Ignore those who say you sound judgemental. You are allowed to be as judgemental as you like!
Casual sex damages a woman's ability to pair bond.
They can't get away with it like men can.
I don't care if my dp has had sex with lots of women as men can mentally and emotionally get away with it.
As for drugs, they DO exploit people!!!

Dump her.

You don't have to stay with someone whose values are different to your own!

You don't have to 'grow up' at all.

You're with a woman who displays poor judgement by having casual sex and has done drugs. It is ENTIRELY reasonable you want better.

Men who have casual sex and do drugs also display poor judgement but life's not fair and it doesn't effect them in the same way.

I prove yourself and get a better option.

WTAF?!

PaintedEgg · 05/07/2023 17:11

i think OPs girlfriend is about to dodge a bullet

OnenightinBangkok · 05/07/2023 17:25

Several posters have mocked my comments, as is their right, but I think if most were honest they would prefer it if their sons married a clean living girl with very few sexual partners.
I'm just being honest that's all.

Promiscuous people don't really change.

OldBeller · 05/07/2023 17:27

OnenightinBangkok · 05/07/2023 17:25

Several posters have mocked my comments, as is their right, but I think if most were honest they would prefer it if their sons married a clean living girl with very few sexual partners.
I'm just being honest that's all.

Promiscuous people don't really change.

Put the spade down, love. The hole is deep enough already.

OnenightinBangkok · 05/07/2023 17:36

Anyway, back to OP.
Hope you've let loose someone who doesn't fit your values. Best thing to do is let her find someone who is OK with her past.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/07/2023 19:25

OnenightinBangkok · 05/07/2023 17:25

Several posters have mocked my comments, as is their right, but I think if most were honest they would prefer it if their sons married a clean living girl with very few sexual partners.
I'm just being honest that's all.

Promiscuous people don't really change.

You are taking nonsense.

And my DD wants to marry a woman and I couldn't give a shit as long as she is safe and giving and receiving consent.

M340 · 05/07/2023 19:51

OnenightinBangkok · 05/07/2023 17:25

Several posters have mocked my comments, as is their right, but I think if most were honest they would prefer it if their sons married a clean living girl with very few sexual partners.
I'm just being honest that's all.

Promiscuous people don't really change.

Mocked?

No they haven't. You're just talking arse.

OnenightinBangkok · 06/07/2023 07:28

M340 · 05/07/2023 19:51

Mocked?

No they haven't. You're just talking arse.

Show quote history

OK that's your opinion. Regardless, it seems that usually the stance taken is that women don't owe a relationship to anyone for WHATEVER reason, so why should OP be told to suck it up or grow up.
They are unhappy with an aspect of the relationship, imo, the have every right to end it.

That's the bottom line.

I would prefer it if a son of mine married a clean living girl who hadn't been used by lots of other guys. I appreciate others may have a different take.

It's about her level of self-respect for me.

But this is just my take.
Casual sex and drug taking equals low self- respect for me. Maybe it does for OP, too.

MermaidEyes · 06/07/2023 08:44

would prefer it if a son of mine married a clean living girl who hadn't been used by lots of other guys. I appreciate others may have a different take

And that's fair enough. As long as your son is also clean living and hasn't been dipping his wick into lots of other girls.

supercali77 · 06/07/2023 09:01

@OnenightinBangkok You're subscribing to the notion that when women have sex they are 'used' by men. No sense of agency for the woman in her sexual choices. That right there is misogyny. I personally also think casual sex is detrimental for young women, because they are at greater risk than young men. From violence, stds, pregnancy consequences. But none of that means they are without agency.

Yeah everyone has the right not to have a relationship, but this man chose to come on here airing out his reasons and then arguing with anyone with a different view. What was the point. If he doesn't like it. Just end it. No need to come on here with his moral stance and start arguing about it

StarlightLady · 06/07/2023 13:45

“The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there.”
― L.P. Hartley, The Go-Between.

OldBeller · 06/07/2023 14:04

OnenightinBangkok · 06/07/2023 07:28

OK that's your opinion. Regardless, it seems that usually the stance taken is that women don't owe a relationship to anyone for WHATEVER reason, so why should OP be told to suck it up or grow up.
They are unhappy with an aspect of the relationship, imo, the have every right to end it.

That's the bottom line.

I would prefer it if a son of mine married a clean living girl who hadn't been used by lots of other guys. I appreciate others may have a different take.

It's about her level of self-respect for me.

But this is just my take.
Casual sex and drug taking equals low self- respect for me. Maybe it does for OP, too.

Show quote history

I'd rather my son didn't grow up with his mother filling his head with misogynistic pseudo psychobabble.

I'm pretty sure he'll have a better chance of having a happy relationship if he didn't turn out to be an idiotic shit who is incapable of respecting women because he believes they owe him some mystic concept of purity.

But please do enlighten us with precisely the number of sausages a woman can get through before she goes from Madonna to whore. Since what you're saying is obviously totally factually accurate...

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/07/2023 14:29

I would prefer it if a son of mine married a clean living girl who hadn't been used by lots of other guys. I appreciate others may have a different take.

I know it's a weird concept but some people like sex because it should be enjoyable.

it seems that usually the stance taken is that women don't owe a relationship to anyone for WHATEVER reason, so why should OP be told to suck it up or grow up.

He hasn't been. No one thinks he should keep the relationship going if he doesn't want to. Au contraire, most think she's had a lucky escape. He should grow up though.

OnenightinBangkok · 08/07/2023 07:37

supercali77 · 06/07/2023 09:01

@OnenightinBangkok You're subscribing to the notion that when women have sex they are 'used' by men. No sense of agency for the woman in her sexual choices. That right there is misogyny. I personally also think casual sex is detrimental for young women, because they are at greater risk than young men. From violence, stds, pregnancy consequences. But none of that means they are without agency.

Yeah everyone has the right not to have a relationship, but this man chose to come on here airing out his reasons and then arguing with anyone with a different view. What was the point. If he doesn't like it. Just end it. No need to come on here with his moral stance and start arguing about it

Very fair comment.

OnenightinBangkok · 08/07/2023 07:51

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/07/2023 14:29

I would prefer it if a son of mine married a clean living girl who hadn't been used by lots of other guys. I appreciate others may have a different take.

I know it's a weird concept but some people like sex because it should be enjoyable.

it seems that usually the stance taken is that women don't owe a relationship to anyone for WHATEVER reason, so why should OP be told to suck it up or grow up.

He hasn't been. No one thinks he should keep the relationship going if he doesn't want to. Au contraire, most think she's had a lucky escape. He should grow up though.

Yes grow up in that he shouldn't be having to ask random strangers about it.
Marital satisfaction does correlate with the number of sexual partners a woman has, though. That less sexual partners= more satisfaction.
It doesn't seem that way for men.

This is not a moral issue, more a practical one.
Maybe it's a case of not knowing what is being missed!

I'm not saying it's about being a good or bad person though.

scroogemcfuckaduck · 08/07/2023 10:33

Cosycover · 03/07/2023 20:25

So when she was young she did drugs and had casual sex? But doesn't now she has grown up.

So interesting. I wonder who will play her in the movie that will be made about these exciting times.

Best response ever

scroogemcfuckaduck · 08/07/2023 10:40

@OnenightinBangkok what happened to you on your one night in Bangkok mate?

pinkyredrose · 08/07/2023 11:12

Marital satisfaction doescorrelate with the number of sexual partners a woman has, though. That less sexual partners= more satisfaction.
It doesn't seem that way for men.

😂

OldBeller · 08/07/2023 11:38

OnenightinBangkok · 08/07/2023 07:51

Yes grow up in that he shouldn't be having to ask random strangers about it.
Marital satisfaction does correlate with the number of sexual partners a woman has, though. That less sexual partners= more satisfaction.
It doesn't seem that way for men.

This is not a moral issue, more a practical one.
Maybe it's a case of not knowing what is being missed!

I'm not saying it's about being a good or bad person though.

Show quote history

You still haven't told us where the sausage cut off point is. I mean, you've obviously got the data in front of you, so it should be no trouble to answer.

How many sausages before women are ruined forever? Is it two? Or five? Ten? Twenty? Surely thirty sausages would mean a woman could never be happy again, right?

PaintedEgg · 08/07/2023 12:04

You know what correlates with sexual satisfaction in marriage? Having a partner who is not so insecure about their ability in the bedroom that they start making stuff up about how sexual experience affects martial satisfaction.

if you suck at sex your partner will catch on even if they were a virgin