Past drugs and casual sex

[Red20]

I've been with my girlfriend for just under two years. We're in our mid 40s, work in the professions and both have teenage children.
Last week she was telling me about a safeguarding course she was going to attend as she's starting work for a charity. She then said that she'd looked at the subjects for risky behaviour and started laughing as she'd apparently done the same things herself, namely drugs and casual sex. This related to school and university as well as later in life. She said she'd only stopped smoking dope when she had her daughter.
This is the first time she's mentioned any of this.
The issue for me is I really don't like drugs. I don't do drugs and don't mix with people who do. A close friend lost his daughter to an overdose so I've seen first-hand the damage.
As for casual sex that's not for me. I've had long and short relationships as well as being married.
We had talked about moving in together, but now I'm not so sure.
What should I do?

So at least 13 years ago?
I did both these things at uni. At the time I was not particularly aware of the background and exploitation in the illegal drug industry, although county lines weren't a thing back then.
But:
there are so many bad things in the world - drink, tobacco - where do you draw the line at what you cannot tolerate someone doing in their past life? Do you, in the present, say I will never use a battery or buy anything gold because of the child labour in mining for example?
I have to wonder if it's actually the casual sex you can't forgive her for? People grow up and change. You sound a bit precious.

I'd quite like to know why I was deleted as well @MNHQ

OP, please leave your girlfriend.
There is often an abusive nature to men who stick around with women who they feel are "less than"
Your being belligerent on this thread when encountering opinion that doesn't tally with your principles and after you solicited opinion shows that you are sure of stand, but do not want to manifest your agency.
Only an idiot trips over something in somebody else's past. It's like you are looking some type of free argument with your girlfriend instead of fucking off to find somebody more suited to you.

Don't be the type of abusive arse who stays with women that they hate in order to punish for their past.
You don't love her and that's okay. No need to hide that behind her past.
Nothing worse than a man who doesn't take responsibility for his feelings .

I did my fair share of casual sex and drugs when younger. I'm now 45, a home owner (mortgage slave) with a respectable job. If anyone wants to look down on me or think I'm some kind of person that deserves judgement or some how lesser than them, then please get a life. For what it's worth in the past 20 years I've slept with the grand total of 3 men and I was married to one of them and knew the other two for many months.

I had the best time when I was younger, and so many memories. None of them resulted in an STI, unwanted pregnancy, an addiction to drugs. In fact all of the men were really nice (my boyfriends were another story).

Judge me on what I did yesterday but not 20 odd years ago.

@Red20 by double standards I mean I am
fairly certain your past could not have been 100% puritanical.

The tone of some of your posts suggests you are looking for a fight and I agree with what @HoldOnMiGenna says which is why I see so many flags with your highly judgemental and to paraphrase sanctimonious attitude.

This women is a grown adult with children, if you can’t grasp that people develop and mature which from what you’ve said, appears to be what has happened it’s a poor reflection on you.

This isn’t about county lines and exploitation as your girlfriend would have had a clue what that was at her young age, so that is a lot of spin going on right there around that.

Seems like you are incompatible so best as I said leave so she can find someone who can live in the present.

Alternatively get over yourself.

@MNHQ can I also ask why my comment was deleted please?

I emailed about my deletion and Lily emailed back in about 2 minutes.

I think either someone is repeatedly reporting or poor MNHQ is having to monitor this thread.

I will say that when I report, I say so on the thread otherwise I feel like I'm running to snitch to teacher. But that's me.

[email protected]

Have you ever watched porn op?

There's deleted messages up the wazoo on this thread. I got deleted because I said I wouldn't date him because he sounds like a squ*re. Wasn't aware that was a banned term but I've censored it just in case 🤣

I think they're just deleting anything that sounds like promotion or approval of illegal drug use.

Lily said mine was a personal attack. Because I implied someone was an arsehole. And that they weren't very good at statistics. I thought it was mild but TBF it probably was a personal attack!

I think someone is reporting a great deal. Maybe not 100% OK with MN's <ahem> robust style of debate.

I can't believe you insulted someone's understanding of statistics!

IKR @BadNomad them's fighting words.

I think most of us who have criticised the OP also believe that they shouldn't be together.

Of course he shouldn't stay with her if he has such a major issue with her past, for her sake also.

I think it's a pretty unanimous consensus that they shouldn't be together, whether for her sake or for his.

I'm 100% on her side. I know some incredibly decent, kind, accomplished, and genuinely good hearted people who have and still do take drugs and had and still have casual sex. She should be with someone who doesn't sneer at her.

Love the double standards of those who would point out the problematic supply chain that drugs have...
But happy to buy shit off Amazon that's been produced in factories with no care for the exploited workforce. Or use products tested on animals. Or jump on a flight which is killing the planet. Etc etc.

Of course I do those things too (not Amazon if I can help it!) but I'm not judging the drugs or the sex. Re the drugs, who the hell hasn't tried drugs?!?

I've never tried drugs 👋 didn't fancy it to be honest, I drink alcohol and used to smoke cigarettes though!
I think OP hearing about his partners past has changed his opinion of the person he thought she was.
Probably best for both of them to call it quits now.

I was an idiot in my late teens when I smoked weed. I certainly didn’t have a social conscious in those days and gave no thought to where the weed came from. I sure as hell wouldn’t do it now and anti drugs.

Not sure what the issue is with casual sex. That hurts no one as long as she is safe. It’s not really my thing but it’s certainly not something I’d judge.

I think you are being a bit silly about this really.

I got deleted and mentioned nothing about drug use. In fact my comment was perfectly true with regards to the OPs responses, but obviously I won't repeat it as it will get deleted again. Wonder who could possibly be reporting all these comments 🤷🏻‍♀️ And what a waste of time.

Ignore those who say you sound judgemental. You are allowed to be as judgemental as you like!
Casual sex damages a woman's ability to pair bond.
They can't get away with it like men can.
I don't care if my dp has had sex with lots of women as men can mentally and emotionally get away with it.
As for drugs, they DO exploit people!!!

Dump her.

You don't have to stay with someone whose values are different to your own!

You don't have to 'grow up' at all.

You're with a woman who displays poor judgement by having casual sex and has done drugs. It is ENTIRELY reasonable you want better.

Men who have casual sex and do drugs also display poor judgement but life's not fair and it doesn't effect them in the same way.

I prove yourself and get a better option.

As for the argument it's in the past, really?
So if a friend of mine met an ex-convict should I just tell her to not to be so judgemental? 🙄

The OP is with someone whose values conflict widely from their own.

They've every right to end it.

Odd that she told you really. Regardless of the individuals personal views, you can normally have a fair steer on what others may look down on.

In my twenties I was fortunate to become affluent. I used some of this to fund my love of happy ending massages from 'adult stars'. Not cheap, but no STIs and some amazing memories - much like the other users discussing their pasts dabbling with drugs and/or casual sex.

I knew enough to know that most folk may not have my same view on my past and that I should maybe keep it to myself.

Like many users have said, the past is the past. It obviously has no relevance so why bring it up? Now she has, you need to make a decision based on your own feelings.

I asked if he'd watched porn, ate meat, bought fast fashion clothes and said he had a faux concern about past weed use.