Husband wants to try anal

[Somethingdiferent]

I had a baby 6 months ago and I'm too uncomfortable with the idea of penetrative sex after a really traumatic birth and a 3rd, almost 4th degree tear - husband thinks a solution to our lack of intimacy is to try anal. Now I'm not necessarily against the idea, but we've been married for 11 years and this has never featured in our bedroom before. I am considering trying it but I'm terrified it will hurt like hell.. he assures me that it will be fine and that he knows what to do ect. My concern is that WHY is this only being mentioned NOW? In the 17 years we've been together (we got together very young) and our 11 years of marriage, he has never once suggested we try this, nor has he even dropped hints?

So I'm wondering if I'm just being insecure and overthinking this (YABU), or has he been wanting to try this for a long time and just used this as an opportunity to suggest it(YANBU)??

Also any advice on if you have tried this after having a traumatic birth etc please let me know if this helped your intimacy?

Id remind him your 6monthsnPP and ask him to not mention sex again until you bring it up. Sounds like he's pretty selfish and lacks empathy for what you've been through

It's not just about anal sex, it's about a lack of respect for you as a human being. You've just been through a traumatic birth, you feel vulnerable, your body has changed. His solution is try something painful yet satisfying to him? His selfishness is off the radar!

Don't feel pressured into doing this to keep him, you have to heal emotionally and physically. He's watching porn to want to try it, another reason why porn is so vile.

You find it gross - which is understandable - but some women don't...

And it is extreme, batshit crazy extreme even, to LTB and end an otherwise good marriage and split up a family simply because your DH merely suggested something that many couples willingly do (and, as per my previous post, where the woman sometimes instigates!)

So his solution is to stick it up your arse 🤦🏻‍♀️ What a charmer.

Is 6 months is a long time to still feel nervous about penetration though? I didn’t tear with mine so no idea what the advice is do you need to go back and get checked out? Not for him but for you.

@Kennahevabescut

Besides, your attitude is frankly homophobic.

It's something I've done maybe 3 times, and I'll be entirely honest it's for the man's pleasure only, it fucking kills, there isn't a single bit of enjoyment for me and I fail to see how there is for any woman it is horrendous.

This. You do realise women talk, with their friends, about sex? I know a few weaker ones who given in to badgering about this, I know NO women who would instigate this willingly.

Well DP has suggested anal, an extreme sex act for many, with his wife who is still recovering from a perineum injury.

Could he be more stupid? He won't die from waiting a bit longer for sex. Jesus.

Guinea

Male anatomy is very, very different to women's for starters. The rectum is bigger.

I can find whatever i want gross sexually it does not make me homophobic.

Biological differences between the sexes mean anal sex tends to be less pleasurable and more damaging for women. Men who want to experiment anally should do so with other men.

Hard no from me ( doctor and mother of two). It would be more painful than how painful it would be anyway.

It’s something for people to try when relaxed and confident and happy with their sex life already. You are now where near that place..

WTF is he thinking???

after 6 months you should be well healed enough to have no pain or issues with intercourse, so it must be psychological and anal is definitely not going to help you to feel more up for it.
he’s suggested it because he thought that if your vagina hurts then maybe putting it in a different hole would work better for you.
he got the idea from watching porn.

I have done anal a handful of times, mostly under the influence of a man, more or less against my will (young, too afraid to say how I really felt).

100% do not recommend.

Some women may derive pleasure from the experience, but for me it felt fucking horrible. Zero pleasure, just discomfort and a very awkward uncomfortable sensation that I wanted to get away from. I felt like a sex toy. I suspect the majority of women feel like this.

I certainly wouldn't even entertain the notion at 6 months PP (or ever again!).

She had a birth injury, it can and does take far longer than 6 months to recover from severe birth injuries. Mine took 18 months. Please don’t tell women their very real injuries are ‘psychological’.

In my personal opinion, I couldn't think of anything less intimate op. It will hurt, he will end up with a smelly willy and you'll have a sore arse and you will have both just probably wished you'd waited just that bit longer. I didn't have a traumatic birth as such, I suffered 2nd degree tearing and I bled for a good 5-6 solid months post birth so we both waited til I was ready which was around 7 months post birth. I remember him being super horny and he asked (in a joke) if we wanted to try anal again but I told him to piss off as I was more traumatised from trying it the first time than I was giving birth 😂
I found it Not nice OP. But each to their own I guess 🤷‍♀️

I can even read this thread!! arghh.

"A third-degree tear is a tear that extends into the muscle that controls the anus (the anal sphincter). If the tear extends further into the lining of the anus or rectum it is known as a fourth-degree tear."

You had a tear in your anus and your hubby wants to stick his dick in there???? Tell him you will fist him first.

Did you have injuries like the OP?

I'd bet my house that you didn't. Your comments are extremely callous and unhelpful.

It will hurt, he will end up with a smelly willy and you'll have a sore arse and you will have both just probably wished you'd waited just that bit longer.

Or worse, he'll get off on her pain and fear and want to make a habit of it.

The anatomy of the male rectum isn't very, very, different to the female rectum.

It's fine to dislike anal, hate it even. I'm a man and I don't like it! You don't need to make up stuff to justify it.

I can't think of anything less likely to create intimacy than being coerced into anal. It hurts like hell and is more likely to cause you physical damage than vaginal sex would at this point.

I think it will kill off your sex life for good tbh.

No, that’s not the ‘simple answer’. OP would have to get a colorectal ultrasound first to check how her birth injury had or hadn’t healed. You know, the one that tore her as far as her rectum. HTH.

And hope it helps the other idiots coming on here to be oh so cool with their ‘helpful’ paragraphs about how much lube to use. Great, well done, you’ve got a bit of experience of anal. But you obviously haven’t bothered reading the bit about the tear and researching that have you?

@guineacup what is it with accusations of homophobia?! Neither @MaydinEssex or @Kennahevabescut are being homophobic.

They are just pointing out that the anus/rectum is designed for things to come out, not go in. It is unnatural physiologically to put things in it- same as for the urethra for example, or tear ducts or nostrils.

That doesn’t make it immoral or bad 🤷‍♀️ it’s just a fact. And anyone is allowed to find any sex acts gross- especially ones which are likely to have cross over with faeces.

Absolutely do this!

Oh please - stop it with your silencing women.

This thread is about a WOMAN being pressured into having anal sex. Post-birth. Other women are replying. The thought of anal sex is utterly grim and repellant for many of us, and that’s OK.

It’s got sweet FA to do with what consenting gay men might do in the bedroom, wholly unrelated to post-birth sex (FFS).

What are you getting out of being on here telling us off??

Exactly! 👏👏👏👏

What are you getting out of being on here telling us off??

Yeah a mystery, that.

Anyway, receiving anal can cause damage to women, as our anatomy is very different to mens.