Husband wants to try anal

[Somethingdiferent]

I had a baby 6 months ago and I'm too uncomfortable with the idea of penetrative sex after a really traumatic birth and a 3rd, almost 4th degree tear - husband thinks a solution to our lack of intimacy is to try anal. Now I'm not necessarily against the idea, but we've been married for 11 years and this has never featured in our bedroom before. I am considering trying it but I'm terrified it will hurt like hell.. he assures me that it will be fine and that he knows what to do ect. My concern is that WHY is this only being mentioned NOW? In the 17 years we've been together (we got together very young) and our 11 years of marriage, he has never once suggested we try this, nor has he even dropped hints?

So I'm wondering if I'm just being insecure and overthinking this (YABU), or has he been wanting to try this for a long time and just used this as an opportunity to suggest it(YANBU)??

Also any advice on if you have tried this after having a traumatic birth etc please let me know if this helped your intimacy?

@Esmejane81

Oh no...because these women are clearly being influenced by porn or being coerced by their partners. They can't possibly have thought about anal sex without some kind of outside influence. A women wouldn't have those kind of thoughts without it being society making her think she wants it!!!

Honestly, why is it so hard for other people to believe that actually some women do genuinely enjoy it.

Why would any women even have anal sex cross her radar, if not for outside influence??!

Oh okay I'm arrogant now.... 🫡

We get it. You love anal 😂

Why did you think I was quoting you?

That's great.wht don't you two go off and start and start an anal appreciation thread about how much you love having dicks up your shitters, while others actually try to help a woman with birth injuries whose entitled, selfish, penetrative sex fixated husband thinks she's a "swap an orifice" sex doll and is "requesting" anal cause she can't do vaginal easily or at all - even though the anal would still affect her injury site, and even though it has the potential to damage her body and continence.

You're detailing with your "anal is good, anal is fun, some women love anal" cheer leading.

*derailing

@TheoTheopolis23

I actually think my original post to op was pretty supportive.
But obviously someone with a different view to you must obviously be unhelpful and wrong. Noted.

That's great.wht don't you two go off and start and start an anal appreciation thread about how much you love having dicks up your shitters, while others actually try to help a woman with birth injuries whose entitled, selfish, penetrative sex fixated husband thinks she's a "swap an orifice" sex doll and is "requesting" anal cause she can't do vaginal easily or at all - even though the anal would still affect her injury site, and even though it has the potential to damage her body and continence.

You're detailing with your "anal is good, anal is fun, some women love anal" cheer leading.

ALL OF THIS. 👏

I literally said don’t do it you don’t want to, try reading.
my tongue in cheek (no pun intended) was that’s it’s all well and good her DH saying it won’t hurt and blah blah so is he willing to do the same.

Didn't see it. Your other posts certainly haven't been so I'll go on those.

As I said - if you had the slightest cop on and empathy and concern for this op, you'd stop detailing with the anal sex cheer leading.

Also "Noted".

Lol.

Are we in "anal sex" court.

Wtf.

Who cares.

Yep 👏

Just the thought of anal makes me nearly vomit, disgusting

If my DH suggested it, he would be shown the door, its perverted

Wow.

so because someone has a different perspective from you then you resort to being repulsive and derogatory.

This doesn’t help your viewpoint at all.

I won’t be commenting anymore on this thread because clearly if we don’t all share your opinion then we shouldn’t be on here.

It’s seriously disappointing that women can’t have an open discussion without this sort of behaviour.

my original post advised that OP and her DH have a discussion and agree if it was for them or not and that I understood it’s difficult to approach wanting sex after a horrible birth, it was not derogatory or unsupportive.

Perhaps stop moaning about men all the time and look at how other women treat women because fairly often it’s vile as demonstrated here.

Mumsnet quite often ends up like this, let’s burn anyone who dares to step outside of our views 🙄

You'd genuinely divorce your DH and split up your family if he merely suggested the idea of anal? LTB is banded around all too readily sometimes on MN, but this is ridiculous.

Why wouldn't "no, I really don't want to do that" be enough?

yes, as he has the same thoughts on anal as me and if he changed his mind there would be a reason for it

I'm assuming you think gay sex is perverted and wrong too?

@guineacup - you’re back, telling women what to think about sex?

Why?

And what have gay men got to do with this?

Thanks god I'm not your DH, where merely changing your mind on something is enough to instigate a divorce. He must be treading on eggshells all the time to avoid a banana skins that will summarily lead to him receiving divorce papers.

And don't be surprised one day when you find he's been lying to you about important stuff, because it sounds like you can communicate more openly in North Korea than in your marriage!

Just tagging you into this post, in case you missed it, @guineacup

Why would you assume that? When it’s not at all what PP said. People can find sexual acts gross it does not automatically mean it’s homophobic. Give over and stop detailing.

Firstly, I've said I don't like anal sex... so I've no axe to grind there.

My issue isn't when people they dislike or even hate anal sex, that's fine.

It's when people say "anal sex is perverted". To me that's clearly a homophobic statement, and is stigmatising those women who choose to do it (and yes, from my personal experience, there are some).

By all means never have anal sex if you don't want to. Telling others that it's perverted and unnatural is shaming and wrong. Let people do what they want with their bodies.

Just tagging you into this post, in case you missed it, @guineacup

This discussion has extended well beyond whether the OP's DP was an insensitive arsehole (pardon the pun) in this instance. Given the OP's birth injuries, he clearly is.

My issue is when people conflate the OP's specific issue with statements that "anal sex is always perverted and wrong".

And you think this is the thread to come on and flag wave / cheerlead for anal sex?

Why?