Boyfriend crying because of me,am I really horrible?

[redsblacksoranges]

So today

Run before your get trapped with marriage and kids. You have given him several suggestions of what you would like for your birthday and he has booked a hotel where you live with a Sunday roast which wasn’t vaguely like any of those options

Cringing so hard at his text

This is highly likely.

Sorry, I haven't read all the replies, but his reaction seems so over the top it's unbelievable. Do you think he might be trying to end things? And is using this as an excuse to make a mountain out of a molehill? I can't fathom otherwise why he would react this way. You told him what you wanted to do and he decided that his feelings and what he wanted to do were more important and now he's turning it around to make you feel shit. Unacceptable and unattractive.

Honestly OP, so many of us have been with someone like this. Please don't get stuck in this relationship. Maybe you think you've painted him badly and we just don't understand how nice he can be, etc. But we have been there too. Don't waste any more time with a person like this.

You are absolutely not doing anything wrong here.

100% not doing anything wrong.

He's very manipulative @redsblacksoranges and thick and/or immature.

Please dump him.

This is absolutely abusive behaviour. OP, I’m sorry you lost your mum so young. I would hate to see my daughter living in an abusive relationship like this, and so would any mum, I’m sure yours too. Don’t let this be your life and don’t bring children into this controlling relationship. There are good men out there, ones who would cherish you and want you to have a lovely birthday doing whatever you want. Men who would be good fathers and who would model healthy relationships for their children. You’re young and free - get yourself out of this situation.

I know what my reply to receiving that txt would be. However, give him something to cry about by dumping him and at the same time you’ve given yourself the best birthday gift you could ever give yourself.

OP, you didn't throw it back in his face, you had the surprise gift of the ticketmaster voucher which made you think that you could do your original plans that you wanted to do.

He is acting like a spoiled toddler. My 15yo threw a strop at the weekend because she couldn't have KFC, so then refused to eat anything at all. She later admitted that she was ashamed of how she reacted but couldn't stop it at the time! This is a grown man though, not a toddler or teenager.

I honestly don't see why you think you have a future with this man. He spoiled your plans, booked something else rapidly to ensure that YOU didn't get what you wanted. This won't change and will only get worse if you have kids with him.

Don't apologise to him, you have tried to discuss it and he is now just set on making you feel bad and back down to what he wants to do.

Ditch him, and find a friend to go to the concert with.

Yep I replied upthread, thanks

Of all the words to ban 😂

I'd reply: I get to decide what I want to do on my birthday, not you.

He should be trying to get you what you want for your birthday - he just sounds miserable and controlling. It’s not good

I feel like you are so deep down the well that you can’t tell which way is up…and you’re not hearing any of us screaming “this way, this way to save yourself”…

I think you said money is not too much of an issue for you at the moment…please in real life get yourself a counsellor or therapist to help you get oriented to what is normal in a relationship. If you need an excuse for your partner, just say it’s to deal with unresolved grief over losing your mum and you need to sort it before you can think of becoming a mum yourself - and all of that is probably true! Best of luck, don’t get pregnant with this guy!

OP think about previous birthdays. I bet he's pissed on your ideas every time.

I understand you saying you love him, despite his utter selfishness and manipulation. But when you've had this for even longer the love will die and you will hate him. So rip the plaster off now and end it. And please don't have a child with him. He'll be useless and horrible if you're still together, worse if you've split. He'll use any DC as weapons to make your life even more difficult (and he won't care if his actions also hurt the DC).

For my birthday, my ex would arrange something - a meal out and perhaps a present, though they tailed off - but he was insistent on having sex. When I said I didn't want to he would say it would be an extra birthday present, and then he would get mad. It was my sodding birthday not his!

What a weirdo. You made one suggestion, shot down. Another then shot down. A further compromise suggestion and he unilaterally booked something else. You didn't weep. It's your bday. His hurt feelings about his 10 mins organizing is to transfer the guilt. He sounds like a brat.

Come on op
He knew you wanted to go to specific gig
He knew
You told him
But now it is all about him
Just stop this rollercoaster
Get off now
You dont love him and he does not love you
Get away

LTB.

Seriously.

He's a manipulative loser. I had one like that. Get rid.

I just don't get 'I love him but everything is always on his terms' ( and if not I'll scweem and cry until I get my way). A person with healthy self esteem will find that their feelings towards someone change when that person is selfish or treats them badly. He is treating you badly -'it sounds like you are secondary to him on all occasions, even your birthday. Why do you stay or love him? And if he really is selfish will he be a good father? The essence of parenthood is putting your kids needs above your personal wants. You need to choose the best dad for your babies.

Please do not have kids with this man or you will regret it.

Your relationship is unequal. He wants to do everything on his terms.

Calling an individual a 'troll' is called 'troll hunting' and is against the Mumsnet rules. They say people should use the 'Report' button if they think someone is not posting in good faith. Having been on forums of various kinds for decades (and Usenet before that) I am aware of a type of on-line person called a 'sympathy troll' but I wouldn't care to say for sure if anyone I have seen on MN is one.

Goodness me op...he sounds completely fucking mental.

Unless there is something major you're not telling us
..

Either way, you can possibly consider giving kids with this 'man'.

I mean you literally said he is too cheap to buy you a wedding ring. So why the hell do you think he will pay his share of childcare?

Why don't you think you deserve better?
Being single is better than this. You could have gone on an adventure for your birthday.

If I was a betting sort I'd guess he has form for ruining birthdays, holidays and things you enjoy - because they aren't all about him. He's probably a narcissist (npd) or similar energy vampire-y type of person.

Now instead of looking forward to your trip, you're stuck worrying wtf is going on with him. Thinking 'how do I change me to fix someone else?'. You don't. You leave him. Fast.

Fuck mindfucking wankers.
He's not the one.

*can't consider having kids