Boyfriend crying because of me,am I really horrible?

[redsblacksoranges]

So today

He is deliberately trying to ruin your birthday.

If you stay with him, this won't be a one off, he will ruin every happy occasion and blame it on you.

There is nothing to love her, dump him and gift yourself freedom from the depressing reality that is him.

He sounds like a manipulative man child. Ditch him and plan your birthday weekend the way you want it.

I really felt sad for you when you said you'd been listening to your music and getting excited, because you'd been gifted the money to get the tickets.

And the reason he said he couldn't do that for your birthday was it was too expensive. And so quite rightly you got excited, thinking, its all solved now, we can go! Plus he hadn't actually booked anything at that point!

I felt sad because that was me, not about a concert, but similar situation many years ago wtih my now ex. Suddenly the thing I was really wanting to do was available for me, I got so excited and excited to tell him and he shot me down in pretty much the same way yours has. I was selfish apparantly, being ridiculous, it was still not an optiopn. And the reason being - HE didn't want to do it.

I remember feeling so deflated, and questioning, was I selfish? Why was I now crying when I'D upset HIM?

Anyway, thats long in the past and yes he is my ex, though it took a good number of years for that to be the case. And sadly, it wasn' the last time this would happen. I got to a point of actually not being able to get excited about anything, or get my hopes up about anything because I had been let down so damn much. I still can't let myself get excited about something I know is going to happen until its actually happening.

Please don't let this be you.

He is making this entirely about him. He didn't want to do it, or any of your suggestions, so he booked something witht he bare minimum of effort and is now blaming you for not only being a bit disspointed, but for getting excited about potentially being able to now do the thing you really wanted.

I am going to give you a very stark difference between my ex (who is literally what you've described) and my now DP.

I really wanted to see an opera. DP hates, I mean hates opera. He booked tickets for us to see an opera for my birthday 2 years ago, and he sat through it (probably hating it) because he knew how much it meant to ME.

He has been on sight-seeing tours with me, antique shopping, country walks, sat for hours sunbathing on a beach - all things he doesn't really enjoy. And when I ask why he does them with me if he doesn't really enjoy them, he says 'because you like it, and I enjoy being with you'.

Please don;t think you've done anything at all wrong here. A dcent boyfirned would of gone 'wow, thats amazing, we can do the concert thing now, lets see what hotels there are......'.

My advice, take a friend, have a fucking good time and deal with the sulking shithead when you get back. But don't waste years on someone who cannot even be bothered to make you happy on your birthday if its something they don't want to do.

Honestly, this is as good as it gets. Is this the life you want to live? FFS don't marry him. He is very emotionally manipulative. It's your birthday. I think you should tell him it's fine if he doesn't want to do anything. He can stay home. Book the gig tickets and a hotel and take a friend instead. You'll have a better time with someone else and It will give you time to reflect on your relationship as well. Also, ylturn your phone off if you go with someone else. He'll try and ruin it from a far.

I really really hope you listen to these replies you're getting OP. He's manipulative and controlling. The very fact that you're questioning yourself over this shows that this is not new behaviour and you are in an emotionally controlling relationship. To echo others, you have done absolutely nothing wrong.

Control freak.
The more you let him get his own way,as it were the more controlling he will become.

He did it "to shut you up".
This is what you know.

"He wasn't like this at the start".
He was on best behaviour then.

Let him sit weeping in the bin where he belongs.

What @AuntieJune said. I mean, sitting at work crying???

You're being trained to put him and what he wants first any and every time and to feel guilty if you don't. I can't believe you're even thinking about having children with him, and as he won't spring for an engagement ring (probably let alone a wedding) you won't have the protection of being married when it inevitably all goes pearshaped.

Absolutely this.

He is abusive, manipulative scum.

@WitcheryDivine words are the truth too.

Crying twat...my arse...manipulative prick more like.

🤢🤮

He’s a strange one, op. I’m afraid you’re going to have to examine the viability of this relationship.

He’s trying to manipulate you!! It seems like it’s working too. He is making you wonder of you are unreasonable. No you aren’t being unreasonable to want to choose the activity YOU are interested in for your birthday. I think you need to seriously reconsider this relationship.

Celebrate your birthday without him (I mean finish with him, don't try to kow-tow to him any more). Enjoy being young, free and single for a while, on your own terms.
Happy Birthday!

He's acting like a prick and you are now wondering how you could have handled things better 🤔

He won't propose to you because he's too tight to buy a ring but you're planning to have children with this man anyway.

He won't change, he's making YOU change though. And you are going along with it.

The crap that some women are prepared to put up with blows my mind sometimes.

Go to the concert with someone else. Leave the little twat crying at home into his Horlicks.

He's a pathetic apology for a human being - manipulative and ridiculousl.

Get rid of him - honestly, just do it.

Enjoy your birthday either with a friend or alone.

If you stay with him this will happen every time you want to do something that he doesn't - if the method works this time he will pull the same pathetic trick again and again.. You will have no life.

You aren't nasty. Not remotely. He, however, is a right manipulative melt.

How long have you been together? Has anything like this happened before?

Honestly @redsblacksoranges this bloke is a big fat loser. What are you doing wasting any more time with him?

Dump him and move on with your life. He will get worse if you have children.

I promise you will never regret it, you will only regret not dumping him sooner.

If you don't dump him now, this will be every single birthday for the rest of the time you spend with him. And Christmas/other holidays too.

You will never do anything YOU want to again. It'll always be his choice and you'll go along with it to make the peace.

If children "come along" this will then be every single Mother's Day for you too when you'll be expected to make a massive song and dance out of Father's Day for him.

You won't be allowed an opinion on anything because you will always be wrong and he will take great delight in telling you this. He's already doing this now.

He wants you to think he's the victim so you back down and let him have his way. This will be what every decision in your life with him will end up as.

I know this because this was me. I didn't see the red flags until it was too late and we had children together.

I eventually got away but only after he had worn me down so much I didn't know who I was any more. It's even harder to leave then.

But I did it and I've never been happier. I met someone else after working on myself for a good while. DH supports me in things I want to do, even if it's not the sort of thing he would be interested in. We have a proper partnership, we have give and take, and we properly care about each other and each other's wants, needs and feelings.

You will never have that with this man.

Ditch him
Go see your fav band

He will cry and cry til he is sick
So be it
His choice
He may need to seek help for this but not your issue

Get out now before kids and other things tie ypu together

Bet you can't wait to plan your birthday with him next year, it'll be brilliant... Oh wait.
Don't let it happen op.

So he's threatened you with finishing with you unless you back down
Send him a text saying I'll save you the trouble I'm done
Nothing you have done is selfish nothing op, there are loads of us on here that can see that even if you can't
Most of us have dated or married idiots like this sadly, they are exhausting head fucks
Honestly get rid and don't believe his bullshit

He sounds selfish, immature and borderline emotionally abusive too!
Is this what you want for your future? He won't change..

I hand on heart didn't think I was doing wrong (maybe I'm not )
In sat wondering how I might have handled things better

Well yes that’s because you didn’t do anything wrong at all. Just expressed what you’d like to do in your b’day whilst he trampled all over you and your wishes. And then payes the victim!

And no you couldn’t have handled it better unless by better you mean ignoring what would make you happy to keep him sweet.
Not unless you mean bowing to his controlling nature and doing ‘everything on his terms’. That’s not what a partnership and relationship is. Esp nit if you want the whole having babies together thing. Imagine how ‘doing everything in his terms’ would work with a baby….

He’s a selfish and manipulative cunt.

His behaviour is fucked.

Even at 4 y/o my oldest understood that a gift is not a gift if chosen selfishly. He didn’t do anything nice for you. He disregarded every indicator of what you wanted. It’s one thing to say “I don’t think we should spend that kind of money.” It’s another to say “I scheduled this because I don’t want to do what you want to do.”
Think of it this way. You said you wanted to go to a pricey Italian restaurant for your birthday and he said no to the cost. Ok. You tell him you understand, but you’d still like to have Italian and start looking for a better compromise. He instead makes a reservation for Chinese. That’s not doing something nice for you...