Boyfriend crying because of me,am I really horrible?

[redsblacksoranges]

So today

I hate to say it because I roll my eyes when people suggest this on every post but....is he seeing someone else??

His reaction is so OTT that it's almost like a reverse to make you feel bad and hide "how much effort I make for you and you don't appreciate it". Weird.

Dump his sorry ass. Don't have kids with him. Project forward 10 years when you have 2 small children and his attitude is the same if not worse.

You've done nothing wrong and yet you feel bad? He's doing a number on you.
Red flag 🚩
The hills are that way >>>>>>

Honestly he needs to get himself a real problem 😆 crying at work because he doesn't want to do any of the things his gf wants to do for her own birthday??

The whole point of your birthday is to choose what you want to do, and for your loved ones to try to facilitate that, if reasonable.

All of your suggestions were very reasonable. But still, he feels he must centre his own feelings and you both do what he wants, or he'll stomp and whine about a day that's supposed to be for you.

He is really laying it on thick, isn't he. Is this how you want it to be every year, for the rest of your birthdays? And perhaps also for your shared children's birthdays, if you settle for this man as their father.

Can you imagine behaving anything like this about his birthday? If not, why can he?

When an abuser pulls this shit it’s almost better if he does use physical abuse because that’s more visible. The emotional headfuckery in my experience/opinion is harder to get over because if you’re like I was before I met mine you sound confident, sorted and able to deal with it. 3 years in and he’s got you double guessing yourself, trying to please him in every which way even though he upsets you.

I get you, you’re 31 due to be 32 right? The biological clock is ticking and you’d ideally want marriage and a baby. Think back to before you met this useless piece of shit and get your head back to that place.

He’s eroding your confidence, self worth, thoughts, “you” and has been doing this for a while under your radar by stealth. If anything he’s the sly one not you!

You don’t want to be like me at 30/31 who’d left my ex, found out after we broke up that he’d cheated on me, he was threatening me by phone and coming round to my office threatening me. I had to have Prozac and therapy to get over him. My best male platonic friend said “why didn’t you tell me what he was doing to you?” I said “I couldn’t I was ashamed and too depressed”.

I bet most of your friends and family can’t stand him and think you’d be best off without him but you’re either ignoring them or they cannot tell you.

You haven’t done anything wrong. If he’s not falling over himself to give you the best birthday ever then he’s not the man for you. If you want a happy life it’s not going to be with him. Book the concert tickets and hotel and go with a friend or your auntie and have a great time. Let him wallow in his own self pity. Definitely don’t start a family with him, men wrapped up in their own self importance are not good fathers.

Let him cry

its your birthday, you told him what you want to do, it doesn’t matter if he booked somewhere in the same town( and that doesn’t make sense to me) it’s not what you want, if he wants to do that for his birthday, then fine

i would have one more conversation around what you want, and use your gift to book s9mething you want to do and if he doesn’t take a friend

Hint at the word?

Ive seen twat on here more than once so can’t be that

He’s not ok this one, OP

I hope you will come to realise this sooner rather than later. You deserve so much better

Invite a friend to your birthday you would never enjoy it with him.
Id seriously consider splitting up. This man does not want to make you happy. This will only get worse if you have kids

Firstly, you have done nothing wrong. Making suggestions for your own birthday is a normal everyday thing people do. Rejecting suggestions you're not keen on, also absolutely fine.
So, on to the real issue....
Is this usual behaviour for him or out of character? Because his reaction is way outside of what most people would consider normal. So if it's new behaviour there's something going on here. For some reason he strongly didn't want to go further than your home town and didn't want to spend much money. I'd be wanting to know why that was.
Unless you typically act in ways that make him feel not good enough and it's the last straw for him, he appears to be blowing up a smoke screen of tears and hurt feelings to deflect you.
You need a conversation around why he so badly didn't want to do your suggestions. Don't be sidetracked by his drama.

Here's my prediction..... OP apologizes profusely (to placate the manipulative bastard) when he gets home, he sulks some more but eventually deigns to forgive OP, they either do what he wants for her birthday or more likely nothing!

I know you say you love him, OP, but this is not great behaviour from him and seems to be part of a pattern. Do you feel tied to him because of a joint tenancy or something? At 31 you're still quite young and have time to find someone who values you more highly, treats you to what you'd like on your birthday etc. Do not have kids with this man child!!

My DH can at times be like this because he finds going to new places hard… he has anxiety.

But when it counts he makes it happen… like going to Ellens Diner in NY - his idea of hell but he went because I was desperate too.

This partner of yours doesn’t really care am afraid to say.. he is putting you in your place (of walking on eggshells wondering how to fix it) because he is a controlling twunt!

@CatchHimDerry

A clue: trip trap trip trap

Yep. She'll spend the weekend walking on eggshells so he won't kick off, he will reward her for her compliance by doling out some affection. And OP will think 'see, he's not that bad. I just need to be more acccomodating'.

And she will think that she is in control of the situation when he is actually the one in control.

@CatchHimDerry , I think they mean the one that rhymes with roll

I fully had to Google that clue 😂 shameful 💀

I gotcha though now, thanks! 🫡

This!! In Spades. @redsblacksoranges - you love him so you can't see what everyone else on here can. He is controlling, manipulative and couldn't actually care less about you or your wants. PLEASE, do NOT have children with him or you will spend a lot of years regretting it.

I've only read the first 100 posts (I will go back and read the rest) but my honest suggestion is to make this birthday the start of your new life without him being part of it.
Go to the gig you want to. Book yourself into a lovely hotel and enjoy the first few days of your separate life without him.

He is not a nice person to be around because he is trying to make it out that you are the one at fault here. It's quite clear from what you've written in the first 100 posts on this thread that it is HE who is the one at fault.

"everything is on his terms"everything is on his terms

CUT, run, and enjoy life without him. Life is too short.

Why do you want to be with him?

Like fuck is he sitting at work and crying. Can you imagine it? A grown man sobbing at his desk because his girlfriend wanted to do something other than stay at a local hotel for a night... HIs colleagues would think he is deranged!

If cost was the problem completely get it. The issue is he didn’t even book something cheaper that was a thoughtful alternative. He may feel hurt and disappointed he got that wrong, but crying and not answering the phone is incredibly petulant. Breaking up with someone on one is issue seems rash, just stand your ground, have fun and hope he learns his lesson.

He's not exactly making it appear that he's not the selfish one.

Why are you selfish? Because you want to go away to a particular location that is important to you for your birthday?
Feck that for a game of soldiers!!!!

Man has massive, tearful tantrum because his girlfriend doesn't appreciate his low effort, thoughtless contribution to her birthday. What an absolute plonker.