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Relationships

Stag do anxiety

137 replies

Jane881 · 25/06/2023 13:50

Partner is off on a stag do in a few weeks to Prague. I don't know why I'm overwhelmed with worry about something happening as in cheating.

We've been going out around 15 months and live a bit away from each other. He's never given any reason to doubt him and things are going really well.

I genuinely hope he has a great time away and know this is my issue.
I feel like I'm punching a bit, he very attractive and funny 🙈 I'd never say anything to him about my worries and have been cooler than cool. But it just gives me the fear as to what could happen and if something did I'd never know. Some posts on here aren't very reassuring about cheating either, it seems to happen alot and opinion regarding it aren't positive 😬 x

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DustyLee123 · 25/06/2023 14:02

No point worrying about something you will never know.
The fact that you have these doubts means the relationship isn’t right, you can’t live like this forever.

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GreyCarpet · 25/06/2023 14:09

I'm going to he really honest here.

I wouldn't like it either. Not one bit. 15 months isn't the same as a longer term relationship when you know someone better but that is no guarantee of fidelity either.

Before I married now exh, I was at university. He babysat my toddler (not his) once a fortnight on a Friday night so I could have some sort of 'student experience'. I commuted (with toddler) to a different city daily so that's where I socialised too and stayed the night in the one bedroomed flat of a single male friend on my course (on the sofa of course!)

I thanked him once and said how much his trust meant. He told me that he did trust me but, more than that, if I were to ever cheat on him, knowing he was staying in at home with my child, it would say more about me than him.

And he was right. I didn't cheat because I valued the trust he placed in me. But I did have opportunities and he would never have found out.

In your shoes, I'd talk to your boyfriend and tell him your fears but I also think, in situations like this, that is the only approach you can take. You can hope he values you and your trust but, if he doesn't, that says more about him than it does you.

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GreyCarpet · 25/06/2023 14:11

The fact that you have these doubts means the relationship isn’t right

I disagree. I think having these thoughts is perfectly normal. Blind faith isn't necessarily a good thing!

I trust my partner as far as it's possible to trust anyone but do I think, given the right combination of alcohol and opportunity, I could happen? Well, anything is possible 🤷🏻‍♀️

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5128gap · 25/06/2023 14:12

Him being attractive and funny is irrelevant to whether he will do anything inappropriate on a stag do. That's down to his character not his looks. Men don't cheat because they're better looking than their partners, they do it when they don't value their partners, or think they'll not get caught.

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Jane881 · 25/06/2023 14:19

I do feel very valued and respect by him. I think it's the anything is possible element. Like OP says a combination of alcohol and maybe different circumstances on a stag that are giving me the fear

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GreyCarpet · 25/06/2023 14:41

But there's nothing you can do about that.

So you either decide to worry yourself stupid or make a choice to trust him and not think about it or you end it. Because there isn't really another option unfortunately. Unless you plan to also go - incognito - and follow him... 🥸

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GreyCarpet · 25/06/2023 14:42

I will reiterate though that I wouldn't like it. I'm not being flippant, just pragmatic.

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continentallentil · 25/06/2023 14:46

The fact that you have these doubts means the relationship isn’t right

Oh I’d disagree with this. Feelings aren’t facts, it’s not especially unusual to slightly wonder when he heads of to something like this, because you still don’t know him that well.

However, you have to trust people. If he wants to cheat he’ll find a way. If he doesn’t he won’t. I’m assuming you are exclusive at this stage? If that’s the case there’s nothing much to say.

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Hbh17 · 25/06/2023 14:51

You either trust him or you don't. He could indulge in behaviour that you dislike/disapprove of at home. This is all about you, not him, so decide whether to trust him first. Then, assuming that you do, wish him well for the stag trip and hope he has a fabulous time, while you also do some fun stuff while he's away.

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Brightbear · 25/06/2023 15:06

Sorry but I think the problem is you, I would hate to be mistrusted if I was going to a hen weekend, if I was questioned it would be a red flag and I would likely end the relationship.

if I were you, I would no way discuss your fears with him.

it wouldn’t stop it if he was going to cheat anyway.

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GreyCarpet · 25/06/2023 15:27

I don't know, a stag weekend in Prague? It's pretty much what they're known for!

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Jane881 · 25/06/2023 15:29

What do you mean? 😂

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Gh12345 · 25/06/2023 15:36

I think there’s quite a lot of negativity when it comes to stag dos and the behaviour that goes along with it. But what isn’t usually mentioned is there’s plenty of men who won’t cheat.

I was very insecure with my then partner (now husband) but after 8 years and many stag dos later… I’ve concluded there’s nothing to worry about.

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Brightbear · 25/06/2023 16:16

GreyCarpet · 25/06/2023 15:27

I don't know, a stag weekend in Prague? It's pretty much what they're known for!

Don’t be ridiculous!!

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TheoTheopolis23 · 25/06/2023 16:33

It's not ridiculous; it's a destination for a certain type of stag do.

No doubt posters will jump on to I form us that they absolutely know their dp only drank beer at the Prague/EE stag do he went to, but that's not typical.

So many places and so many activities but his stag goes to rhe place with the brothels fronting as strip clubs and every other type of (relative to here) cheap prostitution. It's notorious for it. Second it to Amsterdam in Europe, and Thailand and Vegas outside Europe.

(They do go for the cheap alcohol and gun shooting experiences too I suppose).

I'd have serious doubts about these type of guys ..... Could do an outdoor pursuits binding activity stag do with a bar at most; but somehow never pick that. Always the place with the cheap plentiful prostitutes.

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TheoTheopolis23 · 25/06/2023 16:33

*bonding

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TheoTheopolis23 · 25/06/2023 16:35

One poor poster on here found out that the "strip" clubs weren't even enough for her partner and his fellow stag attendees; he was booking the strippers (hmm) they have availablr for limos between venues too.

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TheoTheopolis23 · 25/06/2023 16:37

I’ve concluded there’s nothing to worry about.

Unfortunately there's a woman on here every fortnight demonstrating the opposite.

Unless I was already tied to a man who decides to attend (or worse) arrange this type of stag do with kids, tbh I'd consider it an indication I might be better getting of the relationship.

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Jane881 · 25/06/2023 16:39

Oh wonderful, I'm really regretting posting now 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

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TheoTheopolis23 · 25/06/2023 16:39

As an aside I find these type of guys also never get this behaviour back from their partners; whichhis why they think it's ok to do it and keep doing it.

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Brightbear · 25/06/2023 16:44

TheoTheopolis23 · 25/06/2023 16:33

It's not ridiculous; it's a destination for a certain type of stag do.

No doubt posters will jump on to I form us that they absolutely know their dp only drank beer at the Prague/EE stag do he went to, but that's not typical.

So many places and so many activities but his stag goes to rhe place with the brothels fronting as strip clubs and every other type of (relative to here) cheap prostitution. It's notorious for it. Second it to Amsterdam in Europe, and Thailand and Vegas outside Europe.

(They do go for the cheap alcohol and gun shooting experiences too I suppose).

I'd have serious doubts about these type of guys ..... Could do an outdoor pursuits binding activity stag do with a bar at most; but somehow never pick that. Always the place with the cheap plentiful prostitutes.

You are so totally ridiculous it’s laughable!

honestly, every man that goes on a stag do is shagging around 😂!

Ok then!

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georgianwindow · 25/06/2023 16:46

I really dislike stag dos and this is why - groups of men acting like dick heads, doing things they wouldn't usually do "because it's a stag do".

BUT not all blokes are assholes on stags and if your oh hasn't given you a reason to worry, then view it as a 'lads weekend away'.
If you have any deal breakers that tend to happen on stags, tell him now.

My deal breaker is strip clubs and lap dancers. Hate them, it's disgusting for people in relationships to go to those places imo. It's glorified cheating.
DH knew this prior to his stag and respected my views, made it clear to everyone he didn't want anything of this sort going on. Everyone on his stag, and our entire family, also knew it was a deal breaker for me. Not only did everyone lie to us both, but they booked a private stripper/lap dancer. He came home from his stag immediately and had a huge argument with pretty much everyone involved with organising it. His stag weekend was reduced to a couple of hours because other people couldn't believe a bloke didn't want to totally over step boundaries with his soon to be wife...but would they have thought that was ok on a normal night out?

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Brightbear · 25/06/2023 16:48

Jane881 · 25/06/2023 16:39

Oh wonderful, I'm really regretting posting now 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

Honestly, take no notice, a lot of MN just hate men and cannot understand that their are 10000000s of decent men out there!

it will be fine OP.

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georgianwindow · 25/06/2023 16:48

It's not ridiculous; it's a destination for a certain type of stag do.

Prague is actually a really lovely city. You can have 'that type of stag do' literally anywhere. Prague is cheap to go to, beer is cheap, it's somewhere different and people think it sounds flashy saying they went abroad.

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GreyCarpet · 25/06/2023 16:57

Brightbear · 25/06/2023 16:44

You are so totally ridiculous it’s laughable!

honestly, every man that goes on a stag do is shagging around 😂!

Ok then!

No one has said that.

I know a man who has recently been on a golfing stag do. A week away in a hot country playing golf. The stag isn't much of a drinker so, although they went to bars, that was all it was.

I believe that.

But Prague does have a reputation...

I dated someone who had a prebooked weekend away to Prague with some friends. I chose to trust him. Did he do anything/go anywhere I wouldn't have liked? Probably tbh - but I decided not to dwell on it at the time.

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