Stag do anxiety

[Jane881]

Partner is off on a stag do in a few weeks to Prague. I don't know why I'm overwhelmed with worry about something happening as in cheating.

We've been going out around 15 months and live a bit away from each other. He's never given any reason to doubt him and things are going really well.

I genuinely hope he has a great time away and know this is my issue.
I feel like I'm punching a bit, he very attractive and funny 🙈 I'd never say anything to him about my worries and have been cooler than cool. But it just gives me the fear as to what could happen and if something did I'd never know. Some posts on here aren't very reassuring about cheating either, it seems to happen alot and opinion regarding it aren't positive 😬 x

If you read my comment properly, its not about trust. i do not think my bloke would behave like those we had seen. Its about if he decided that was the sort of place to go on a stag do, he clearly isn't the sort of bloke I thought he was and that would be that. Its about the morals around it.

I absolutely do not think he would ever go somewhere with that reputation on a stag do. Which is why i'm with him. Our morals align. As soon as they don't, then I'd question it. Its simply a case of having boundaries. If he has a problem with my boundaries (or I with his) then we are incompatible and he is free to what what he likes - just wouldn't be with me. And vice versa.

What’s immoral about going to Prague, if he’s not doing anything immoral?

Hmmmm, if 'cheap beer' is more important than the reputation he'll get going there

Sorry what? He'll get a reputation for having been to Prague once? From who? In what kind of circles? I've been to Prague, do I have a reputation now?

This site never fails to amaze me. I can't believe it's free.

You really need that explaining?

Its reputation around stag do's there.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with going to Prague, to visit, as a tourist, as a couple, as a family. I've been. I love it.

Going there on a stag do, has an entirely different meaning and purpose. A man choosing that as the destination speaks volumes. As does anyone who joins. Thats not the sort of man I would want to be with. Regardless of whether I think he'd cheat or not. It would be the actual going and associating with the types of blokes that would 'cheat' by buying sex or whatever. If that sounds controlling to have that opinion, so be it, I don't give a shit. If men just wanted to go out drinking, why pick somewhere like Prague?

Cheap beer apparantly. Yet no cheaper than somewhere else that doesn't provide easy, cheap and available sex with quite likely exploited women.

A reputation… it’ll ruin career prospects? Future relationships? What about if his children find out? Will no one think of the children??

OK so you'd trust him not to use prostitutes or do anything morally questionable, but because Prague is itself morally questionable, you'd never visit there for any reason? Or he's trusted but if his friend chose there HE couldn't be trusted so your DH shouldn't collude with his mates depravity by going?

@Bookworm20 I find that such a bizarre take. I know loads of blokes who've been to Prague on stags, and Amsterdam, and Riga, and Vegas and Brighton and Guernsey and Edinburgh and all manner of places.

A few of them are awful sleazy untrustworthy blokes who'd take the opportunity of a shag (paid for or otherwise) if it were available no matter where the stag do was. Most of them are perfectly normal Men with morals and partners they care about and families and who had a few cheap beers and threw some axes and went paintballing and then came home with a hangover.

Even if the one fella who organises the stag has nefarious reasons for choosing somewhere with legal sex-workers, you can't imagine that every Man who accepts the invitation to attend the stag party has the exact same intentions like they're a group of mindless lemmings??

I've been to Amsterdam by a frequent weed smoker in the past. I went, I had a great time, I did not smoke weed.

Men on stag dos, at very least likely to chat and flirt with women, visit a strip club, may not actually cheat in having sex but I can feel your anxiety, I doubt it will be classy tourist excursions but the all about bars and clubs, it would totally turn me off a man I'm dating.

Even if the one fella who organises the stag has nefarious reasons for choosing somewhere with legal sex-workers, you can't imagine that every Man who accepts the invitation to attend the stag party has the exact same intentions like they're a group of mindless lemmings??

Not at all what I've said. Actually read it.

Its not about not trusting him. Its about going somewhere with a very specifc reputation with men who are going there for that very specific reputation thing. Rathe than go someonwhere with equally cheap beer and good nightlife but without the seedy reputation around exploiting women in their very available sex industry - frequented on a regular basis by men on stag do's, amongst others.
It would turn me right off a man who wanted to join them, even if I had absolute faith he wouldn't cheat. If a bloke I was dating, who stated very categorically he wasn't into that and wouldn't cheat etc etc but wanted to go on a stag do to prague, I'd be questioning why? And certainly be judging the person who choose that destination and their reasoning. Which is always trotted out as 'yeah its cheap beer'. Like I said I know a number of men who have been to prague on stag do's and none of them went for the cheap beer, they were all dicks. So yeah, if my fiance stated he wanted his stag do in prague, I would be seriously rethinking our compatability. Because i've obviously got him wrong. Thankfully my fiance wouldn't want to go to prague for a stag do so its a moot point, but i'm being hypothetical.

We have both been to prague together for a holiday and loved it.
Absolutely totally different scenario to a bunch of blokes choosing it as a stag destination.
If you can't see the difference then lets just agree we have different opinions and i'll stick with mine and you stick with yours. Makes zero difference to either of us.

Was your reputation not questioned then?

Well, I didn't go there on stag do.

So no. Why would it?

Don't be goady.

Sorry, still don't get it. I don't agree with a lot of what goes on in the Middle East so I just would not go there, for any reason. I can't wrap my head around you thinking Prague is immoral and has a terrible reputation when a stag do choose it, but it's a fine historic city break for you to visit as a couple.

It is either a cesspit of immorality, or it's not. The reason for going there does not change that. If your fiancé was inclined to go to a strip club or flirt with Women or cheat on you on his stag do he'd do it Bristol or Liverpool just as willingly and easily as he'd do it in Prague. It's the person that makes the decision, not the place.

I spent many years working in a busy town centre late bar in about the least sleazy place on earth and still saw all kinds go on during stag trips, sports trips or any kind of group made up of a bunch of Men... There were always the Men that were actively seeking it, and there were always the Men who would turn it down if it were offered.

Don’t be so ridiculous! Fucking ruined reputation 😂😂😂

Agreed!

@Jane881
Would you be likely to cheat if you were away with your friends having fun and consuming a lot of alcohol?

If you don't think that you would cheat under similar circumstances, why are you assuming that he might cheat? Is he less committed to the relationship than you are? I don't think that cheating is related to looks?

If you think that fidelity is related to proximity and looks the solution is to date a homely guy and keep him joined to your hip.

Is your mental health ok? I drove myself crazy stressing about being cheated on when I had bad anxiety. I went to therapy for the anxiety which helped loads.

my partner has been on 2 stag dos this year and it's been fine.

I think you never know what someone is going to do and ultimately you can't control someone else so if they're gona do it they're gona do it and worrying won't cha be anything.

what has helped me is not necessarily trusting him but trusting myself that if he were to cheat I'd be okay. Yes it would be horrible but I'd get over it and I would be okay.

Liverpool or Bristol do not have the same stag appeal as Prague.
Prague is the new Blackpool, it's tacky, cheesy, and quite clearly a sex tourist destination for stags.
Even the word stag is cringe.🙄

Many years ago before I knew how gross men are I would have trusted a stag do because ‘my man’ is different. He’s not. They are all pretty easy just present them with an opportunity they will have you wondering why nothing means anything and anything means nothing. It’s just the grossness that’s ramped up way beyond anything your naive heart may wish to believe right now. Life’s a bit like that - we’re imagining a fairytale faithful union, but the reality is not so glorious.

Prague is a prozzie haven, definitely would not trust a bunch of ‘innocent’ boys when hunting in a pack.

I can't wrap my head around you thinking Prague is immoral and has a terrible reputation when a stag do choose it, but it's a fine historic city break for you to visit as a couple.

So take Amsterdam. People visit it as its actually a pretty cool place. Lots of couples/families visit. Plenty to do, plenty of history and they are not in any way interested in its sex reputation.

Its also notoriously known as a destination for men on stag do's. Who are not going there to admire the poppies.

A city can have a reputation for something - for certain groups of people.
And still be a fine historic break for anyone to visit as a couple/family.

If you can't see the difference then perhaps you are just extremely naive.

But the it your missing is you're not making sense.

DP likes to go to Prague to look at the architecture. If DP goes with me, that's OK. If DP went with his mates, he'd be a disgusting pervert getting off on the sale of women's bodies. Even tho I trust him implicitly and he'd never do that, if he ever suggested going with the lads, he'd buy a woman. Even tho I trust him implicitly, if his best mate suggested Prague, then his mate must also be a pervert and DP would be as bad for facilitating his filth in agreeing to go even if not visit a strip joint.

Yes, you've made much more sense.

Stag do's are exactly like that.

As you were.

I'll leave it there as it appears a little difficult for some people to wrap their head around.

@Harrypewter My point is that a Man who is likely to look to get laid on a stag do will be as likely to do it in Liverpool as in Prague, whether paid for or a one night stand with someone they meet out. A man who has no interest in getting laid on a stag do won't no matter where they are.

It is the person, not the place. It makes no sense to draw your line in the sand at Prague/Amsterdam because of the sex workers, when an untrustworthy Man will be untrustworthy anywhere.

And I'm still baffled how someone who has a problem with a place being seedy and awash with exploited sex workers (and the stags who shag them) can just pop that out of their mind for a nice weekend of art and culture.

It’s really not, you don’t trust your partner when he’s on his own, it really is that simple.

Personally, I would end a relationship with no trust.

You can’t honestly say Prague is a good place if you’ve got him on a lead, but a bad place if he goes with other men?

The man is the same man with you as he is with his friends? You don’t trust him alone.

Yep. I know a couple who have a villa in Portugal, at a very posh golfing destination. The nightlife is wild. I went out there with the wife (my friend) and a few other girls. Men came back to the villa and my married friend paired off with a bloke. No idea whether the husband and his pals do the same, when they go.

I don't think the destination is the problem. It's a persons integrity. My first H would have shagged any woman he could get his hands on, whether he was in Prague or Peterborough. My current DH - just not the type.