Family court system - what a mess

[TitaniumTess]

Feeling sad....been to family court today....and honestly..how much evidence of abuse do they ignore......

Big carpet....all swept under it....out of control....

They've rewarded the abuser with more access..I don't get it.

The abuser has to physically injure the child and seriously before any contact is limited.

i hope you are as ok as you can be. Sadly they ignore abuse in family court. Photographic evidence with bruises and burns admittedly caused by the dad was disregarded as the judge said it wasn’t nice for the child to have been photographed, although asleep?! I went to support a friend, it’s not me but it is horrific what they allow to enforce access.

Would speaking to womens aid help? I know that doesn’t sound like much with what you have been through

Op,
Had very similar experience and it's totally demoralising. I don't trust the legal system at all now.

However, it's not over. The children will vote with their feet. The lies and cover ups were horrendous but the DC began to refuse to attend contact. They got into a really bad place first though, which was soul destroying to helplessly watch.

It's all changed now and I’ve been granted more custody. DC are healing now. Things have improved but it's been the worst experience of my life and I live in fear of return to court.

Hang in there. I 'lost' so many court cases but in the end it turned around. The DC really do have more power than you think. I'm so sorry you're going through this though. There's talk of the closed system being made transparent and I really hope it is. Feels safer that way. The way it is right now is not at all safe for DC. It's shameful.

Thanks all

@BePatient, well done you! Xxx

Been there, it's ghastly. So sorry.

I'm a solicitor and I lost all faith in the courts after experiencing the family courts

Same, it's a nightmare. I also have professional input at court and we're just as exasperated and scared about the outcomes.

Dear lord, it's terrifying isn't it

It just seems to reward the abusers.....and then you're not allowed to talk about it...so it feels like the courts are joining in with the abuse.....

Am I right in thinking they still aren't allowed to report what's happening in family courts?

I watched a documentary on this. Sounds fucking awful, I can’t believe this goes on in this country

It's an absolute scandal. And I hope in years to come some of the children harmed as a result will sue cafcass

They are currently trialling reporting in a handful of courts

Going through this process atm. They enable abusers to abuse us post seperation. Its disgusting. I'm so sorry your going through this x

They enable abusers to abuse us post separation

Yes, this was my experience.

Yup is horrendous. I had so much evidence and the judge literally said "but that's not best for the father" didn't care about the kids or me. And of course you can't go public with what happened in family court as it's not allowed so it just continues.

Get yourselves an IDVA to advise you.

It's absolutely horrendous. My XH found it the perfect way to abuse me by proxy. For years and years and years.

It literally gave me PTSD. And it went on and on for years until I was so worried I would end up committing suicide that I just gave him what he wanted because I honestly couldn't bear it anymore.

I'm so sorry, OP. It's a vile, cruel, and totally unfair system. It's ruined my children's childhood and it's completely destroyed my experience of motherhood.

@supercali77 - they really need to make it all public. It's a real mess.

@something2say , I have an IDVA. She was in court with me too.

@Monoplane and others...I'm so sorry....it's all so sad and unfair isn't it.

I had so much evidence that no one wanted to see. His abuse has ultimately been rewarded at each corner.

Yeah I know exactly how you feel. I was genuinely treated like absolute shit. I felt like a criminal.

I'm so sorry 🌺

I found afterwards that it took me a really long time to stop having imaginary arguments in my head at unfair things that had been said. I don't know if that will happen to you, but if it does please let me reassure you that it does eventually get better. I couldn't sleep for months because of it. Just hang on in there. And whatever has happened, I don't need to know the details, but I absolutely believe you 🌺🌺

THIS 100%

This was my fear. We coasted badly until 12 then child was assessed immediately as Gillick competent.

After that it matters less as child gets to decide.

Nightmare of a system that doesn't put vulnerable children first. It seems to award parental rights above the welfare of the child.

Just madness.

@Monoplane me too! It was a fiasco start to finish.

I got told that my body language was poor and also got told that I didn't need to write everything down. Based on previous court comms, I find I do! Horrid!

Thanks - you're right about the conversations in my head....

My ex got his new recent victim to write a horrible document to me last weekend too. I keep mentally voicing my reply but I will see what the police say to it first xxxxx

It really is very traumatic. Needlessly so, too. It makes me sick that this is what is supposed to be protecting our children.

If thoughts of it are bothering you, I found listening to audiobooks or podcasts helped a lot, especially when I was having trouble sleeping. But there were plenty of times I ranted out loud in the car.

I could still get my blood boiling if I think about it too much.

You look after yourself, ok? 🌺🌺

@Monoplane thank you!

It was just so illogical. It's like someone in an exam getting 98 percent and someone 2 percent, and giving them both a B minus!

I think it was clear my ex was abusive just from his court interactions.....

I keep telling myself that like Handmaid's Tale.....it's the end of the series....but not the box set. I have to say that I've drawn comparisons between Gilead and the system a number of times! Thank you xxx