Family court system - what a mess

[TitaniumTess]

Feeling sad....been to family court today....and honestly..how much evidence of abuse do they ignore......

Big carpet....all swept under it....out of control....

They've rewarded the abuser with more access..I don't get it.

@LacieLane I'm so sorry you've gone through all that.

I'm living with a male survivor of abuse, the effects it's had on him, how he struggles to come to terms with the abuse he suffered, the pain of his children being subjected to the lies.

I also work in a professional capacity with both men AND women who are abusive and the horrific effects this has on their partners and children. It happens, and it happens far more often than many people believe- but that makes it far harder to deal with.

Does anyone know if anything legal can be done regarding the false allegations? I've got lots of court documents which make up some terrible things that aren't true, which have caused me lots of distress. Is there anything that I can do about them?

I've looked into this and from what I've found, the only option seems to be a civil prosecution for perjury. But he needs to have actually outright lied out loud in court, rather than anything written in a statement.

I know exactly how distressing it is that someone can get away with perjury in a family court, but unfortunately it is just a completely messed up system.

The lies were probably the thing that upset me the most, other than the damage to my child. The unfairness of it is just ghastly.

BTW, I'm not a lawyer so I have to say as a disclaimer that I'm not an expert. But I've spoken to a criminal barrister about this and he couldn't think of anything I could do either.

I genuinely think the only solution to this would have to come from government reform. The system is that crazy.

I agree that is is soul destroying to have blatant lies told about you in court to a judge, and even worse when the judge believes it without proof.

I found to my surprise that the system seems rigged to have barristers peddle the most extreme lies, and the judge take it all on face value with no question or interest in evidence. I also found the judge often appeared to have decided the outcome before even hearing the case. The whole system is badly flawed.

Nobody is saying women cannot be abusive that would be absurd.
I specifically asked whether you were confident those claims were false. You have described her behaviour but not his.
in any event you seems to have a very compelling account of her behaviour and what you witnessed so presume you were able to provide supporting evidence if court gave permission for witnesses to be called if there was a finding of fact hearing?

A relative of mine stopped contact with the father after he put their 2yo on the back of his motorbike, he fell off and broke his ribs. My relative didn’t know about it until she undressed him for bedtime, he said daddy told me not to tell you. Not only did he get away with it when she tried to press charges, be took her to court for access again and got awarded more than he had in the first place. Good job he’s a fucking waste of space and hasn’t once turned up to collect him for that extra day he fought for.

I am not based in UK and am currently going through court process here. DC is a teenager and doesn’t want a relationship with his father. However, I now have to spend a fortune on reports, psychologists etc as part of the court process. Ex accused me of parental alienation.

The biggest thing that has come from all this is that DC doesn’t feel safe with his father and never did. When he was going to his father for contact all along he went along with it. Now he is older he is refusing to go.

There is an attitude that fathers should have a relationship with their children at all costs. Even if that puts those children through emotional/mental distress.

It really boils my piss when you see threads on here from women with abusive exs having issues regarding child contact and posters supporting the abuser having 50:50 as he is the parent too. You can’t undo the effects of a child witnessing abuse or being abused directly. Exposing children to a manipulative, gaslighting, controlling parent regularly during contact has long term consequences for that child.

From my experience in the family courts. It's about a lot more than if a parent is abusive or not (with in reason)! It has so many layers to it. Even when one parent is clearly abusive the other parent can still have their parenting criticised.
What has specifically happened that your unhappy with?
My children don't see their father, after a ridiculous amount of hearings there is a no contact order in place. But it was s very long and hard process.
I'm happy to help if I can. What kind of evidence do you have?

Does anyone have any advice on parenting apps pls? We've just connected and I am getting lots of emails so I've turned off notifications for the day.

He used to bombard me via WhatsApps and texts so it's quite triggering.

How often is sensible to check them etc?

Any other tips?

I use the "our family wizard" app (court ordered or he would never have agreed - I requested the court order it)

I set notifications to daily. I dont feel I can block him on my phone (in case of an emergency while they are with him) but the court order forbids him to communicate with me other than through the app.

It definitely helps., He will always find ways to get at me but it has calmed it down a lot and means he can't spring stuff on me during the working day etc.

@SweetSakura. Thank you. Xxx

💐💐💐

Children unrecogniseable after damage afflicted by the system
years ago I became very ill suffering from epilepsythe doctors missed I had pneumonia that caused hypoxia I ended up in a coma after social services came out to hell and applied so much pressure that I broke down up untill this time my kids had great attendance they did Welling school and behaved well .all he wants is to come home my sister seems to not be bothered with things like consequences to teach them about life both their lifes starting to Spiral are there struggle with emotional and social problems consequences to teach them about life both their lifes starting to Spiral are there struggle with emotional and social problems ,I can't enforce boundaries as my sister won't follow through with them and she gets paid to do this all she used trying to do is get them diagnosed with disabilities there was nothing wrong with them when they were younger they both despise any authority now,I cannot do anything to help them as I have no rightsmy daughter's expelled from school they miss so much learningi swear social services have done this to my children they didn't like what I had to say about them so they reported what they wanted to report and destroyed two young kids in the process I believed they were there to help.

Really?

Rugby

No that's not correct. My kids have a no contact order regarding their father, but he wasn't physical to them, or me.
There is soo much more to it all than the actual aligation of abuse. Eg what evidence of abuse, if the perpetrator has any insite and remote etc etc.

Family court is corrupt to the core and the Ministry of Justice know it, and still nothing is done. The police, social and court solicitor can all be evidenced to falsify their documents, and its classed as justice. Abusers are given free reign to abuse because evidence is covered up, and blamed on the mum. It is torture plain and simple. Google MOJ Harm Report, and Richard Gardener to read the full horror of how family court operate. 70% of abusers getting custody. Shame on the judicial system and government.

I'm so sorry op but if it's any consolation it's not just you. Sadly, the now debunked theory of parental alienation is still used by the courts and despite evidence showing otherwise, when women alleged abuse even if they can prove with evidence the other parent is more like to get an increase in parental time, if not total custody.
Sending positive thoughts ❤️

I went to the Ombudsman re a extremely biased (fathers at all costs) Cafcass Officer. The outcome was that significant failings and future learning points were identified.
Still didn't reverse my abusive ex-husband having bast majority custody of my two sons.
A decade on and it's still the case and he is still permitted to exert his control over myself and the boys.
It's an appalling victim-blaming system which fails to act best interests of the children.

I am so in awe that you went to the ombudsman. I knew I should. But I just couldn't face it and I am so cross with myself.
But I am so sorry that the outcome was so unjust. I took experienced the victim blaming and was utterly horrified by it.

@SweetSakura Thank you. It was very difficult as I was in a dark place at the time, but ultimately I felt I had to try one last time for my sons. It didn't work in terms of reversing the absolutely appalling decision, but I can say to them as adults that I tried my best.
What is the contact situation with your children?

Yup I took legal action against the LA as a social worker falsified a report submitted to court. The settled and paid me compensation. But does it change contact arrangements? No

Cafcass thought my son's dad was fine (despite ample evidence to the contrary including from school) and court ordered some contact. But my son refused to go, and ultimately the court supported him. But I feel really upset that he had to learn that the only person who could protect him was himself. "Telling a grown up" did nothing and that was an awful lesson for him to learn.

I am so grateful to those of you who have complained.

@PurpleBugz I'm so sorry. What is contact like with you?

I am so sorry. I truly believe that they need to make these accessible to journalists and enforce anonymity in the reporting but hold the courts accountable. Sadly it seems social services and or cafcass fall for the charms of the abusers regularly and even female judges have hugely misogynistic views.
Luckily for me I did not have to go through the courts as my ex walked away but I have seen fellow survivors be reabused, called liars and children denied therapy and forced to live with men who have physically and in one case sexually abuse them.
I haven't had chance to trawl through all the manifestos yet but this is one of the areas which should be a priority. We should be preventing a mental health crisis not making it worse by forcing children to spend more time with an abusive parent who continues to abuse their mother by stealth enabled by the courts.
Please let us know how you get on.

Have you looked at Dr Charlotte Proudman UK Barrister her social media is amazing https://www.goldsmithchambers.com/barristers/charlotte-proudman/

me too family courts US / Aus. https://www.metoofamilycourts.com
similar feedback about the conduct of professionals within Family Courts and Child Protection. One serious case review after another with no real change. Particularly around matters of physical harm and DV, victim blaming, some of the professionals comments have been beyond comprehension. It’s also worth having a look at this and sharing the media are now able to attend family court proceedings in certain city’s.
https://transparencyproject.org.uk

I’m not sure how we do this but feel sure there will be help if we come together in the uk and take out a class action? Also from the 14th to 18th October 2024 is Advocacy Awareness week a good week for a common voice to rise above the silence.

I have a solidly evidenced case of every scandal covered as issue within the UK family court system. The repetitions of each give solid argument that the criteria of malice has also been met.
I too feel that class action law suit is the way forward. How could we connect outwith mumsnet to look into taking this forward?