Family court system - what a mess

[TitaniumTess]

Feeling sad....been to family court today....and honestly..how much evidence of abuse do they ignore......

Big carpet....all swept under it....out of control....

They've rewarded the abuser with more access..I don't get it.

Yes, you're right. It's not the end of the story yet. Thanks for reminding me there's still hope for a happy ending.

Gilead is a good comparison. I've never felt so helpless against powerful men in my life. And with absolutely no recourse.

I've got an Ombudsman investigation due too ref CAFCASS. I am hoping they might be able to help.

I've got very good records everywhere.

This all can't go public quickly enough.

Well done to those of you going to the ombudsman. I wish I had had realised to do that at the time.

I am rooting for you!

Yes this!!! Totally! The complete topsy turvy logic. They knew my ex had lied, he admitted in court he had lied, yet they treated everything he said as true.

They knew he had been abusive, we had police and medical records. Yet cafcass ignored the guidance that victims of abuse shouldn't do mediation and kept insisting on me trying mediation "Or it will count against you" .

And being told not to cry as it would "count against you" . When surely any mother who cares about her children and their safety is likely to feel emotional.

Plus the fact the cafcass officer went and had a "lovely cup of tea" with my ex, but only found time for a 5 minute phone call with me. Bizarre when he lives.a few minutes drive from me.

And I hated that some judges spoke to me like I was a criminal. It felt so confusing, and I could see how it empowered my ex to continue his abuse (when they spoke to him like that it was water off a ducks.back)

@SweetSakura yep! My ex has contradicted his own lies all the way through.

CAFCASS done the most woeful job. Documents missing everywhere. Abuse ignored.

Like you said, we get attacked for having poor body language or similar....despite the years of abuse and all of the evidence.

It's crazy! The other analogy I had was if this was criminal court and there was a known murderer, the equivalent court system would not look at any evidnece believe him because he said he didn't do it and then write on a piece of paper for him to never murder again....

Just to make you feel better - even if CAFCASS is on your side the judge/magistrates will ignore them if they don't agree.

Remembering too that men are left without contact with their child, when an abusive, manipulative woman is believed for her false claims, when she plays the court supported by CAFCAS.

Making false claims and repeatedly delaying attending court, whilst withholding contact has meant that the court has supported no contact due to relationship already being distant. The child has lost contact with one side of a whole, loving, family, not just his DF. His DGF is so sad.

Attachment disorders, rejection, I've no idea how this little one feels at the minute, but can foresee the possible issues in the future.

Although, of course, that's the narrative every abuser spins about their ex.

I wouldn't date a man whose ex had made allegations of abuse.

Yes, I agree - male and female.

Both adults in this marriage have remarried. The male is really happily married. Of course we don't know about the female.

We were part of the same family at one time, witness to the marriage, witness to the control.

Yes, me too. The lies XH told were legion.

The lesson I learnt was that you can lie in court with complete impunity. Even if the lies make no sense, have evidence to contradict them, are even completely unbelievable etc.

It was like a game of who will tell the most outrageous lies and the winner gets the prize.

I wouldn't lie in court. Never could, never would. And that got me treated like the scum of the earth.

It's utterly baffling that this is the justice system in action.

Agreed. I was fighting lies with the truth. And despite his inconsistencies the truth one

That should say "the lies won"

(Well they did till DC voted with their feet and refused to go anymore and the courts finally listened)

@SweetSakura "Although, of course, that's the narrative every abuser spins about their ex.

I wouldn't date a man whose ex had made allegations of abuse."

I was waiting for that comment.

You clearly have no idea the impact it has off women being abusers- especially as so many people refuse to believe it.

@SweetSakura absolutely agree

@LacieLane how do you know these claims are false?

In addition to not dating a man who's ex has accused him of abuse I wouldn't date a man who says his ex was crazy either

Those who were criticised for crying- I got criticised for not crying. We were never going to be allowed to protect our children no matter what we did

That's very true. When I met my now DH I paid close attention to how he spoke about his ex. He never bad mouthed her. It was eventually clear to me why he had to leave her (she is obsessively frugal despite not needing to be) but he took equal responsibility for the break up and always spoke to her, and about her,. respectfully.

Oh OP I know how you feel. Currently in family court proceedings and it's so draining it's unreal. My autistic child says doesn't want to see dad but is being ignored.

Don’t give up OP. Keep fighting for your kids.

Also in family court atm.. nearly 4 years on from leaving my ex.. my daughter was just gone 1.. and she's now nearly 5.

This sounds so awful to say but hope it's interpreted as I mean it.. in my case there was fortunately significant evidence of his abuse of DD. It was horrific.

We've had a section 7, psychologist report and now awaiting the Guardians report.

My daughter has had almost 4 years of supervised contact with her father.

The psychologist has recommended all contact stops because he is incapable of change, he lies and unsupervised will be incredibly unsafe..

The Guardian makes excuses for my ex and believes his tears.. but she knows she cannot disregard such damming evidence of abuse..

I can only hope the Judge at our final hearing makes the right decision for my daughter.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, CAFCASS are f..ing useless from my experience. I wish they had more stringent guidelines

Don't even get me started on CAFCASS. They're not all bad, but the bad ones are fucking evil bastards. And I don't mean that lightly. I had nightmares for months because of them.

Wishitsnows · 20/06/2023 23:57
i hope you are as ok as you can be. Sadly they ignore abuse in family court. Photographic evidence with bruises and burns admittedly caused by the dad was disregarded as the judge said it wasn’t nice for the child to have been photographed, although asleep?! I went to support a friend, it’s not me but it is horrific what they allow to enforce access.

Would a hospital take photos instead?

I’m sure there are some good ones (I never met one) but ultimately they are shockingly bad at protecting children and their parent from abuse. Awful system & the family court is so biased it’s unbelievable

How do the courts know any claims are lies, male or female?

Really dangerous to discount lying and abusive females, it isn't only men who are abusive.

I saw the delays, in turning up at court, so that the case had to be rescheduled ( prolonging ‘non contact’

I saw the false police calls, when I was the one left to explain to officers when they arrived. I saw the way she manipulated her young DC to believe what she said.
I saw her claw and scream at her then husband. I saw her push him over.
I saw the lack of food and a starving child.
I saw how she lied to friends and us as family, how she portrayed a perfect life.

I saw how her ExDH did everything asked of him to resume contact at any cost. Agreeing to her demands for a contact centre even though it wasn't necessary, going along with her when she also suggested I couldn't be the responsible adult to support contact. I am a senior education professional, protecting other peoples children yet couldn't support contact, on her say so!

Yes, females, like males can be abusive and manipulative liars. Not all adults, male or female, act in the interests of their own child. So dangerous to ever think otherwise.

@Courtnightmares Good luck!!!

@Innocents4321 I've got no intention of giving up! Xxx

The amazing domestic abuse charity who support me said.....they can tell genuine people from people faking it...very quickly!

You would think that the court and CAFCASS would be able to figure it out..I think they did actually. It was all pretty clear.....and then they go...'never mind!'