Showed my boyfriend my scan & he replied saying he wanted to drive into a brick wall.

[Ditd93]

As much as this is supposed to be a wonderful time for me, I’m over the moon that I’m expecting my first child but my partner isn’t interested at all. His suffering from depression and takes everything out on me and is completely in denial.

I went to my scan on my own after he showed no interest in coming with me. I laid there in tears looking at my beautiful 3 month old baby wriggling around, it was incredible. I thought I’ll send him a picture to evoke some sort of response and he replied saying “I feel like driving my car into a brick wall” so I said that’s not very nice & he responded with “I’m sorry I’ll lie next time” then he proceeded to tell me I bring all the darkness to the surface.
for reference we’ve been together 5 years, started off great - he was very attentive and caring to me & then fast forward to now he has been using drugs and drinking every single day (for 2 years to be exact) he has completely changed in to a person I don’t even recognise. When his indoors he just watches YouTube and stares into Space & when he goes out the only thing he is interested in is metal detecting.

I’ve tried to support him and help him but the more I try to care he just pushes me away. He constantly tells me he fantasises about leaving me when I’m sleeping & that his going to his mothers but he never dies, I even said “go on then, I’ll help you pack” to which he ignores.

he has kids from a previous relationship that he sees often so it’s hurtful that when he saw my baby on photo his only response was “wow I want to die after seeing that” (basically)

the pregnancy wasn’t planned but we was having sex unprotected everyday for years (he was aware I wasn’t on the pill) and now his acting like it was a “set up” even though I told him I wanted children of my own.

I don’t see the light in this anymore & im really unhappy being around him. He tells me I’m boring, slags off my looks (I’m fairly attractive 30 year old and he is 43 years old and a bit fat - but I didn’t care - I loved him for who he WAS)

I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m stuck in a rut, I’m keeping my baby that’s for definite but I don’t see him changing anytime soon. He even stopped me from going out with him & his kids even though we all got on really well & I enjoyed their company.

Leave

You need to leave.

Please leave this man and start planning a life for you and your baby alone. It's obvious he doesn't want to be a father, so do your child a favour and remove him from your life.

This is no environment to bring a little baby into. Likewise not a good environment for you either.

He doesn't seem like dad material. You admit the pregnancy wasn't planned but weren't actively preventing it. Are you ready to be a single mother? You still have options.

Why oh why did you get pregnant with this man?

Pack his stuff for him, ie shove it into a bag and chuck it out the door.

There's nothing to assess here, he's awful and has nothing good to offer you or your unborn child. Pack his bags, assuming you have secure accommodation, and tell him you'll be in contact once the baby's born to arrange maintenance.

Do not put him on the birth certificate or expect any support.

I hope you have support from family and friends. Don't let the selfish loser ruin your enjoyment of pregnancy and your baby.

Bin him. Make a happy life for you and your baby, away from him.

You need to leave.

Also, you did have a planned pregnancy. You didn't use contraception "for years" whilst having regular sex. That's not unplanned.

As ever such a helpful comment.

I wouldn’t have thought it would be safe to have a baby around him tbh with the extreme things he is saying about death.

Well, he sounds abysmal, you obviously need to leave him but I can't say you are any better, actively choosing a drug addict for a sperm donor is beyond reckless, I hope your baby is healthy despite him.

I think you and your baby would be better off without this man. What he said and has said, to you, is unnecessary and very hurtful. You can do without it. You're a young woman and if you can manage a baby on your own, do so.

If he is clinically depressed he can't help it but as a pregnant woman, you are vulnerable. You will have to deal with your pregnancy unsupported by him and he must deal with his depression. Things may improve and I hope they do but right now, reduce contact with your boyfriend and live your life as if he doesn't exist.

Good luck.

Well, he sounds so pathetic and lazy that when you kick his arse out you'll barely notice him gone, so that's a plus!

Seriously OP, get away from this 'man'.

You want this miserable druggie round your child? Does he actually work? I'd be off and raise my lovely child on my own if I were you.
Life is hard enough for kids without having a shit dad and a shit partner.

You need to leave. Think very carefully about going ahead with the pregnancy, you will be potentially signing up to having to deal with this man for years if he decided to be in the child’s life.

You definitely need to leave and start a new life away from this man. However as someone else has said, this baby wasn’t unplanned, why on earth did you not use contraception?

First - Congratulations on your baby .
However , this is a time for joy - Do you have it ?
I'm guessing the answer is no . I have a solution . Leave him.
Leave him to enjoy your pregnancy . Leave him to improve your own life . Leave him for your personal mental health . Leave him for the sake of your unborn baby.
Are you getting my drift ? Leave him.

You need to accept that you'll be raising your child without any help from him and make plans on that basis. In my experience it's the hope that the other parent will step up that destroys you. Once you accept they're not going to, you can get on with life.

Jeez. He clearly wants out the relationship but for whatever reason doesn’t have the guts to actually do it. So you’re going to have to as this is highly toxic.

I agree that you should split up.

I think that if you know he is quite severely depressed though you were unreasonable to think that sending him the picture would magically have the effect you particularly wanted. That isn't how depression works.

You have effectively chosen to be a single parent... because you surely don't want a baby growing up around this man? I would actually be concerned that he could be a danger to you both. Face up to the decision you made (having unprotected sex etc.) and start to plan for a future with your baby where they will grow up safe and loved.

He's a deadbeat loser and you'll be much happier bringing the baby up without this lazy, junkie, nasty millstone around your neck

Get rid asap!