Showed my boyfriend my scan & he replied saying he wanted to drive into a brick wall.

[Ditd93]

As much as this is supposed to be a wonderful time for me, I’m over the moon that I’m expecting my first child but my partner isn’t interested at all. His suffering from depression and takes everything out on me and is completely in denial.

I went to my scan on my own after he showed no interest in coming with me. I laid there in tears looking at my beautiful 3 month old baby wriggling around, it was incredible. I thought I’ll send him a picture to evoke some sort of response and he replied saying “I feel like driving my car into a brick wall” so I said that’s not very nice & he responded with “I’m sorry I’ll lie next time” then he proceeded to tell me I bring all the darkness to the surface.
for reference we’ve been together 5 years, started off great - he was very attentive and caring to me & then fast forward to now he has been using drugs and drinking every single day (for 2 years to be exact) he has completely changed in to a person I don’t even recognise. When his indoors he just watches YouTube and stares into Space & when he goes out the only thing he is interested in is metal detecting.

I’ve tried to support him and help him but the more I try to care he just pushes me away. He constantly tells me he fantasises about leaving me when I’m sleeping & that his going to his mothers but he never dies, I even said “go on then, I’ll help you pack” to which he ignores.

he has kids from a previous relationship that he sees often so it’s hurtful that when he saw my baby on photo his only response was “wow I want to die after seeing that” (basically)

the pregnancy wasn’t planned but we was having sex unprotected everyday for years (he was aware I wasn’t on the pill) and now his acting like it was a “set up” even though I told him I wanted children of my own.

I don’t see the light in this anymore & im really unhappy being around him. He tells me I’m boring, slags off my looks (I’m fairly attractive 30 year old and he is 43 years old and a bit fat - but I didn’t care - I loved him for who he WAS)

I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m stuck in a rut, I’m keeping my baby that’s for definite but I don’t see him changing anytime soon. He even stopped me from going out with him & his kids even though we all got on really well & I enjoyed their company.

You have got the pregnancy you wanted. Your partner has issues with addiction and depression which you can't fix.

Separate from him ASAP. This will be best for your baby, you (and him)

If you continue the pregnancy, make better considered decisions in the future

He's treating you horrifically op, please leave him

Another condom refuser

Why in the world would you be "having sex unprotected everyday for years" with a man who is clearly so unwell. I'm sorry he is being cruel but you made your bed with this one....

what do your mum and dad think about your relationship? Do they know about the drugs and alcohol, the suicide baiting?

And you thought he would be good dad material?

He’s a horrible poison ruining your life. Get him gone from your home and your life. Don’t put him on the birth certificate. Lodge a claim for CMS when applicable.

No other person's mental health crisis, no matter how severe, can ever take away your entitlement to boundaries, safety and respect, OP.

Leave asap. You're not responsible for him, you're responsible to your child.

This is one of those situations where I can say with infinite certainty that you'd be happier raising your baby without him.

He does not even have the self respect to get clean for himself let alone the respect for you and his unborn child.

Leave this piece of shit

You have chosen to have a child with someone like this. How are you surprised by the way this is turning out? He sounds awful but you have actively made this happen

Leave or give yourself and this child a hellish life. The consequences of making crap decisions run for lifetimes beyond yours so get a grip.

Yep, he didn’t wanted a child, why did you made him a father? I too would be angry.

Not a helpful comment.

Hope you're okay OP- you need to leave - it will be easier in the long term.
Congratulations!

Presumably he has cottoned on to how babies are made by now, especially as he is already a father.

I’m aware it takes two to tango and this man should not be having sex unprotected but I too would be angry if I was forcibly made to become a parent when I didn’t wanted to. I’m a bit shocked at your mess OP, specially getting pregnant from a drug addicted alcoholic.

Leave him to it. Have your lovely baby and give them a safe and loving home.

LTB

This covers it 👆

I hope this poor baby doesn’t suffer any health issues related to the addict sperm donor.

Yes. To a druggy, alchy loser no less.

You need to leave him OP. He's not going to support you. Good luck.

Yes, so presumably he was lead to believe he wasn't taking a chance, because we know he didn't want to be a dad again and we know the op did want to be a mum.

Or he was so stoned he wasn't making good decisions? What would we say if a man got a woman pregnant when she didn't want a baby and was so stoned she wasn't capable of making the decision?

This was a planned Baby, just not by the Father.

You were obviously trying to get pregnant by him and it’s confusing why you think he would just completely change once you got pregnant.

He doesn’t want this baby and nothing you do is going to change that.

He needs professional help and in the meantime you need to leave and make a life for you and your baby.

Having a baby with a mentally unwell person is never going to create a happy family.

”He’s just not that into you” blah blah etc. Basically, he wants to split up, but he wants you to be the one to do it because he doesn’t want to be a massive steaming shit, as well as being a useless twat and mean little fanny face.

Leave, change your number, don’t give a forwarding address and don’t put the twat on the BC.

In 9-18 months when you hear via a mutual acquaintance that he wants to be involved but you “aren’t letting him,” don’t let the guilt or need to save face trick you into starting a coparenting relationship with this dick. He will only ever give you and your baby the run around. He will never be consistent. And he will bad mouth you to your kid.

You've created life with a real bag of dicks, but at least you didn’t stay with him forever. Leave. And before you go, turn both dials on the toaster up to 7. And the dial on the microwave down to defrost.

Op, I say this with so much kindness. Please please leave him. Having a baby is a huge life change and with someone like him around you will be at increased risk of PPD/PPA. You need a support system around you for labour and postpartum and your hormones will be out of whack and you need people who can provide you with kindness and support when YOU need it. He’s being selfish and dragging you down. He’s also extremely manipulative and this isn’t just depression, he’s being vindictive and trying to blame you. Please put yourself and baby first and find your support system in friends and family. If you live with him I would end the relationship and move to family if you can.

He’s shown you who he is and made it clear he’s not going to give you any emotional or practical support. You have two choices and neither involves staying with this man.

And to everyone judging OP for having unprotected sex when she wanted a baby…

Where is the judgement for her boyfriend for having unprotected sex when he didn’t want a baby