Showed my boyfriend my scan & he replied saying he wanted to drive into a brick wall.

[Ditd93]

As much as this is supposed to be a wonderful time for me, I’m over the moon that I’m expecting my first child but my partner isn’t interested at all. His suffering from depression and takes everything out on me and is completely in denial.

I went to my scan on my own after he showed no interest in coming with me. I laid there in tears looking at my beautiful 3 month old baby wriggling around, it was incredible. I thought I’ll send him a picture to evoke some sort of response and he replied saying “I feel like driving my car into a brick wall” so I said that’s not very nice & he responded with “I’m sorry I’ll lie next time” then he proceeded to tell me I bring all the darkness to the surface.
for reference we’ve been together 5 years, started off great - he was very attentive and caring to me & then fast forward to now he has been using drugs and drinking every single day (for 2 years to be exact) he has completely changed in to a person I don’t even recognise. When his indoors he just watches YouTube and stares into Space & when he goes out the only thing he is interested in is metal detecting.

I’ve tried to support him and help him but the more I try to care he just pushes me away. He constantly tells me he fantasises about leaving me when I’m sleeping & that his going to his mothers but he never dies, I even said “go on then, I’ll help you pack” to which he ignores.

he has kids from a previous relationship that he sees often so it’s hurtful that when he saw my baby on photo his only response was “wow I want to die after seeing that” (basically)

the pregnancy wasn’t planned but we was having sex unprotected everyday for years (he was aware I wasn’t on the pill) and now his acting like it was a “set up” even though I told him I wanted children of my own.

I don’t see the light in this anymore & im really unhappy being around him. He tells me I’m boring, slags off my looks (I’m fairly attractive 30 year old and he is 43 years old and a bit fat - but I didn’t care - I loved him for who he WAS)

I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m stuck in a rut, I’m keeping my baby that’s for definite but I don’t see him changing anytime soon. He even stopped me from going out with him & his kids even though we all got on really well & I enjoyed their company.

He wasn’t using contraception and she wasn’t using contraception. I think that means they share responsibility exactly equally. How could it not, unless OP lied to him for their entire relationship.

Congratulations on your baby. It sounds as if you are looking forward to being a parent.

Babies don't mend broken relationships... they put huge strain in them and even on solid ones. Choosing a baby is probably choosing to end your relationship.

To outsiders that might sound like a good thing. (A depressed man who will verbally attack you when you are vulnerable, a man on both drink and drugs does not sound like a great life companion!) Does it feel so to you?

Get in the bin.

The OP is not responsible for his abuse or addiction. She needs support to get the fuck away from him, not your snotty judgment. It’s derailing and utterly, utterly useless.

Oh I am totally judging him. He sounds awful. But OP needs to take responsibility for
her decisions too and the consequences of her actions. He will not be a father. But she got pregnant with all the information presented to her to know that

He's not interested in you or your baby. Leave now and make a life for you and baby. It sounds like the drink and drugs have changed him. Listen to him, because he is telling you he doesn't want your baby.

I'm sorry you're going through this. You have to accept that this relationship is on the ground and will go nowhere, it will get worse when you have a baby to care for. For the sake of you both, please leave. I know it's easier said than done, but you will find a way to make it work. I left a similar relationship many years ago, granted I wasn't pregnant, but it was the best thing I ever did. Good luck. x

I just don’t agree with your narrative that women are always the victims. She has a choice now and can turn this around to be positive and be a good parent and I wish her all the best in that

You can’t fix him and he clearly doesn’t want you or the baby. You have to end this now. Pack his bags and get him gone. Drink and drugs every day? I would think twice about putting his name on the birth certificate and sharing custody with him.

Leave and don't write his name on the birth certificate.

Please don't raise a child in the same home as him;he'll make your baby's childhood a misery and create generational trauma.

Having a baby around someone who takes drugs and drinks every day is a disaster oP.
As pps have said, you need to leave him.

Leave. Leave. Leave × infinity.

Please.

My friend was in a similar situation, she didn't leave, did put his name on the birth certificate, and they ended up splitting up spectacularly messily when their child was a toddler. She lost everything. She'd been trying to do the "right thing" by giving this total prick "another chance" and it was all much, much worse than if she'd cracked on with being a single mum from Day 1.

The pregnancy wasn't planned but you were having unprotected sex every day?
How exactly do you think babies are made ?

Do you want to bring up a child with a man who abused drugs and alcohol daily ? You need to leave. Asap.

Agreed. It’s like standing in the rain then complaining of being wet. Sadly she isn’t the first and won’t be the last.

He is making to crystal clear he doesn’t give a shit about your baby.

Run.

"he has been using drugs and drinking every single day (for 2 years to be exact)"

But you somehow thought he'd be the best bloke to have a baby with? He won't get any better, so you'll very likely to be a single mother.

If you know the woman you are having regular sex with isn't on the pill with no other contraception being used and she then then gets pregnant you have not been "forcibly" made to be a parent. Nothing of the sort.

Move towns. Do not tell him where. Change phone number, block him and any mutual acquaintances.

He could be a danger to you and your baby.

This in spades.

Men, if you want to guarantee you won't get someone pregnant don't have sex. It's literally that simple.

Hope you manage to get away from this absolute waste of space OP

You need to leave and you need to start making better choices.

He’s been drinking and using drugs daily for 2 years so for over 20 months you’ve hung around without taking action and now are bringing a child into this chaotic shitstorm.

I fucking despair sone days.

We know she wanted the pregnancy and we know he didn't. As others have said he knows where babies come from. So we can conclude with some certainty he was somehow mislead.

The OP isn't saying he was keen on a baby and then changed his mind post conception she's saying he was never into her, never offered any commitment and never said he wanted a baby with her. Doesn't seem likely he started a family with her with his eyes wide open.

The baby was planned and you knowingly planned it with a man on drugs, which could be potentially harmful to your baby. Could result in issues such as adhd, mental health issues or birth defects as drugs harm sperm.
The best thing you can do for your baby now is to leave or he could end up extending his contempt for you and the baby once then baby’s born. Not to mention you could end up having your baby taken away by social services if they find out you’re Living with a drug and alcohol addicted person.

Make a plan and absolutely leave him. Things won't get better from what you have said and he is completely abusive and horrible to you. Make a new happy life with your baby. It will be hard but worth it over all the pain you will be in if you stay with him.