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Original poster

Showed my boyfriend my scan & he replied saying he wanted to drive into a brick wall.

254 replies

Ditd93 · 20/06/2023 13:15

As much as this is supposed to be a wonderful time for me, I’m over the moon that I’m expecting my first child but my partner isn’t interested at all. His suffering from depression and takes everything out on me and is completely in denial.

I went to my scan on my own after he showed no interest in coming with me. I laid there in tears looking at my beautiful 3 month old baby wriggling around, it was incredible. I thought I’ll send him a picture to evoke some sort of response and he replied saying “I feel like driving my car into a brick wall” so I said that’s not very nice & he responded with “I’m sorry I’ll lie next time” then he proceeded to tell me I bring all the darkness to the surface.
for reference we’ve been together 5 years, started off great - he was very attentive and caring to me & then fast forward to now he has been using drugs and drinking every single day (for 2 years to be exact) he has completely changed in to a person I don’t even recognise. When his indoors he just watches YouTube and stares into Space & when he goes out the only thing he is interested in is metal detecting.

I’ve tried to support him and help him but the more I try to care he just pushes me away. He constantly tells me he fantasises about leaving me when I’m sleeping & that his going to his mothers but he never dies, I even said “go on then, I’ll help you pack” to which he ignores.

he has kids from a previous relationship that he sees often so it’s hurtful that when he saw my baby on photo his only response was “wow I want to die after seeing that” (basically)

the pregnancy wasn’t planned but we was having sex unprotected everyday for years (he was aware I wasn’t on the pill) and now his acting like it was a “set up” even though I told him I wanted children of my own.

I don’t see the light in this anymore & im really unhappy being around him. He tells me I’m boring, slags off my looks (I’m fairly attractive 30 year old and he is 43 years old and a bit fat - but I didn’t care - I loved him for who he WAS)

I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m stuck in a rut, I’m keeping my baby that’s for definite but I don’t see him changing anytime soon. He even stopped me from going out with him & his kids even though we all got on really well & I enjoyed their company.

OP posts:
GreenIsMyFavoriteColour · 20/06/2023 13:36

Nothing in what you wrote says he wanted a child, quite the opposite, so obviously he's going to be distraught.

You don't spell out why you both thought it would be safe not to take precautions, but that is critical to working out what went wrong.

Horrific situation, I'm sorry for everyone involved. 😢

Careerdilemma · 20/06/2023 13:39

Do you want your baby growing up in a house with a alcoholic drug addict who could be a danger to you both? Best deal with the situation now before social services end up doing it for you by removing your baby. Because they will if they don't believe you can protect your child from him.

Make the break and go on and live a brilliant life with your baby. Don't let this excuse for a man drag you both down and destroy both your lives. Because he will if you let him.

BreatheAndFocus · 20/06/2023 13:42

Get away from him! He’ll drag you down and suck every bit of joy from your life. You won’t be equal parents to your child if he resents them. It will affect you hugely and your baby too. He doesn’t care about either of you. Get away and have the life you both deserve.

Deathbyfluffy · 20/06/2023 13:44

Menopants · 20/06/2023 13:24

As ever such a helpful comment.

Show quote history

It's true, though - takes two to tango, and contraception is an issue for both partners not just one.
To knowingly have unprotected sex with a man on drink, drugs and is all-round a bit of a wanker is silly - even if they did want kids.

Blackmetalmama · 20/06/2023 13:47

Why oh why did you get pregnant with this horrible man? Especially after TWO WHOLE YEARS of using drink and drugs daily?? It's not like he has suddently changed and it's minor changes. Not a good environment for a baby to be brought into at all, poor thing. Do you need anybody else to tell you that this was a terrible idea, surely you can see that? Leave him and try to raise your baby as best as you can and make up for the waste of space man you chose to get pregnant by and create a new life with.

Blackmetalmama · 20/06/2023 13:47

Why oh why did you get pregnant with this horrible man? Especially after TWO WHOLE YEARS of using drink and drugs daily?? It's not like he has suddently changed and it's minor changes. Not a good environment for a baby to be brought into at all, poor thing. Do you need anybody else to tell you that this was a terrible idea, surely you can see that? Leave him and try to raise your baby as best as you can and make up for the waste of space man you chose to get pregnant by and create a new life with.

MammaTo · 20/06/2023 13:47

Why did you decide to get pregnant with this man? It will always baffle me why people want to tie themselves to people like this for life. You’re creating a lifetime of unhappiness for you and your baby.
I know this may be victim blaming and he’s known you wasn’t on contraception but even going on the pill or getting the coil might of avoided this.

GCAcademic · 20/06/2023 13:48

For goodness sakes. Even if you have no standards for yourself, at least try to find some for the sake of your baby.

LakeTiticaca · 20/06/2023 13:48

What a Ray of sunshine he sounds.
Unless you want to condemn yourself and your child to a life of misery start making plans to get rid of him

Pearlsaminga · 20/06/2023 13:49

⬇️
🗑️

5Pioneers · 20/06/2023 13:50

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

inappropriateraspberry · 20/06/2023 13:50

Get out now before it's too late. This is not an environment to raise a child in or for you to live with.

rhow · 20/06/2023 13:51

This was a planned pregnancy, and you know it!!

He's being doing drugs for two years and you thought "Oh, I know what will help this situation, a baby" Ridiculous.

Pearlsaminga · 20/06/2023 13:51

You speak as if you want us to help you to find a way to stay with this person, please wake up and understand that he is too far gone, you have to get as far away from him as possible.

TiredandLate · 20/06/2023 13:52

Jeez. You've actively chosen to get pregnant with a depressed addict who blames you for his issues. Not sure what advice you're looking for?

CitizenofMoronia · 20/06/2023 13:52

Are you asking for our permission to leave? This will only get worse with the addition of a child, save yourself the stress of it all now and set up a home for yourself and your child, .... congratulations btw.

Always4Brenner · 20/06/2023 13:54

Please leave he’ll drag you down you need to enjoy your baby and this isn’t the way to do it. I left my husband 8 months on I couldn’t be happier (Christmas 2021 I was so depressed on here still with him at the time)

aSofaNearYou · 20/06/2023 13:54

Why on Earth would you stay with him? Leave, and have a wonderful life with your baby!

purpleboy · 20/06/2023 13:55

Oh op what a mess you've made. It was so irresponsible of you to have unprotected sex with someone you knew was on drink and drugs for 2 years. Why would you think it's acceptable to bring a poor innocent baby into that kind of toxic relationship? Now you've decided to keep it, so it will either have no contact with its father or will have contact with a druggie alcoholic.
Seriously on what planet is this normal?
I really feel sorry for your child's future, it's going to be full of heartbreak Sad

daffodilandtulip · 20/06/2023 13:55

Threatening suicide in this way is a form of abuse. Please leave.

Pixiedust1234 · 20/06/2023 13:55

He constantly tells me he fantasises about leaving me when I’m sleeping & that his going to his mothers but he never dies, I even said “go on then, I’ll help you pack” to which he ignores.

Take some control back. Dont offer to help, actually do it. Then tell him to leave. He's only going to drag you down. He's never going to change for the better.

user1498572889 · 20/06/2023 13:56

pathetic specimen . Good luck he wont change. Dont throw your life away on a complete Fukwit.

Flopsythebunny · 20/06/2023 13:57

Menopants · 20/06/2023 13:24

As ever such a helpful comment.

Show quote history

But true.
Why are people in such disfunctional relationships still bringing children into their mess?

Balloonhearts · 20/06/2023 13:58

Frankly I'd have told him to go ahead but make sure he sorts life insurance first as his child needs to be looked after somehow. What a dickhead.

yogasaurus · 20/06/2023 13:59

Flopsythebunny · 20/06/2023 13:57

But true.
Why are people in such disfunctional relationships still bringing children into their mess?

Show quote history

I agree, it’s really selfish.