I think my DH cheated on me last night

[nnamechangee]

We have been together a long time and have 3 young children, youngest is 3 months old.

We have been having some problems for a few months but if we talked properly things could have been resolved. He went out last night and came home this morning at 7.30am (he has never done this before). He text me at 4am saying he couldn't get a taxi and had to walk home. Technically it would take him this timeframe to come home.

However his clothes have makeup on them, smell like perfume and his trousers look like they have sperm on them, I have taken photos. He will deny this but I think there is just too much evidence here now.

I'm devastated and have to carry on as normal today for the children.

Also do single person discount on council tax and council tax support.

Hes not paying the rent

Hes giving you child support which can be disregarded for benefit purposes

Apply for UC

Make sure the CB is paid to you

Apply for ctax and rent rebate and SPD on council tax

See a solicitor... free 30 mins to start with

Oh, and also apply for CM

www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

You need to get him to move out.
You will be entitled to housing benefit and Universal Credit to enable you to stay in the home and care for your children. There is a limit on how much housing will be paid for, but it could well be the full rent. You don't have to rush out and get a job. That's ridiculous.

He can refuse to move out if you are both named on the tenancy and that might be the tricky bit. If you can get him to leave and change the locks, you will be in a good position.

Being unfaithful is not illegal and you don't need to keep dirty clothes as evidence. It is unreasonable behaviour that counts towards divorce If he leaves straight away, you can count that as separation, but if you let him stay, it will be assumed you have reconciled.

Be extra careful that he doesn't resort to violence or intimidation OP.
Be safe x

""If you can get him to leave and change the locks, you will be in a good position. ""

Don't do this until the name on the tenancy is changed to just you (I think that's what the PP meant, but I just wanted to clarify)

You shouldn’t lock him out as it is illegal, however, is a civil matter and not one that the police are likely to get involved in.

Would he really go to court to get access to the property - it is a rental property, not a marital asset they own.

Don’t think UK chemists do that tbh🙄

Don’t think UK chemists do that🙄

If he agrees to go that's the ideal position.

Yes, you will be breaking your tenancy if you deprive the co-tenant of access to the house, but if he agrees to leave, then changing the locks will protect your privacy and give you peace of mind.

If there is domestic violence you can take emergency legal action to prevent him harassing you and you can speak to the landlord about swapping to single tenancy.

Sorry this is happening

The day he moves out, tell the council so you can get 25% discount as a single person living in the property and also apple for council tax relief - you can get both simultaneously. The single person discount is not means tested but the council tax relief is means tested and separate form universal credit

play your cards close to your chest, tell him only stuff on a need to know basis and everything else keep to yourself.

Exactly, he probably just stopped for a hand shuffle in the bushes.

Why not, if they are stood in a doorway he would keep his trousers on, my ex did when he cheated on a night out

He's trying to say that the makeup is from maybe hugging someone or maybe someone had makeup on their hand. He said the stains in the trousers are from sick but it's not sick at all. He's trying to say he didn't cheat.

You are being gaslit. Stay strong.

Do you love him? Do you want to be with him ?
If you love him, stay with him whether he cheated or not, it’s irrelevant. If you don’t love him, break up with him, whether he cheated or not.

I'd keep the spunky trousers, blindfold him, and get him to smell what he thinks he smells. By then, nab his keys, call a locksmith and kick the CF out in his evening attire.

The "maybe this, maybe that" should have even said by him in the beginning. The fact he said you are not having the children or that you owed him money is him attacking you so you pipe down. You didn't so he's saying maybe. Next stage is it didn't mean anything, then he lures you. Dont fall for it.

I’m sorry you are going through this. Your kids will be fine. He’s the one that won’t be able to handle the kids.

ilovelamp82 · Today 09:22
Wow. He sounds lovely. You don't deserve this. Tell him to leave. Is he seriously implying you have to put up with this shit because you may not be able to afford the house by yourself? What a guy.

yes, so he wants to stay married, to pay for the house, to sleep around and just because his wife cannot afford this house but she will afford even a flat when she needs to.

*loves you, not lures 🙄

Seriously? The cheating is irrelevant? Doormat much?

I think that’s the same person who said the op would have to go 50:50 care with a three month old baby.

If he wants 50-50 care, he will get 50-50 care, might not be immediately because it will take 6 to 9 months to get it to court but by the time it does he will get 50-50 shared care, especially given he has a relationship with the older children. I dated somebody last year who had a one night stand with somebody and ended up with 50-50 of their 12 month old. This was despite the mother claiming absolutely everything from him being a paedophile to him being a drug addict.
courts really aren’t that great.

Now back to the cheating thing. It doesn’t matter whether he’s done it or not. That’s the only point I make. It’s actually a relevant you don’t need a reason to break up with him if you don’t love him break up with him.

🙄