I think my DH cheated on me last night

[nnamechangee]

We have been together a long time and have 3 young children, youngest is 3 months old.

We have been having some problems for a few months but if we talked properly things could have been resolved. He went out last night and came home this morning at 7.30am (he has never done this before). He text me at 4am saying he couldn't get a taxi and had to walk home. Technically it would take him this timeframe to come home.

However his clothes have makeup on them, smell like perfume and his trousers look like they have sperm on them, I have taken photos. He will deny this but I think there is just too much evidence here now.

I'm devastated and have to carry on as normal today for the children.

It sounds to me like he’s taken cocaine or something. Is he an aggressive person? I would call the police. Does he do a responsible job that is regulated? Substance misuse- he might be forced to undergo hair follicle test.

He's agreed to move out and will pay the rent still until the lease runs out. I am holding it together for now because there's no way back from this and no choice, I'm just sad for the baby's.

@Floppyelf

How would him losing his job help OP?

@nnamechangee I'm glad he's agreed to move out and will pay the rent for the remaining of the lease, that's a weight off your shoulders. Well done for sticking to your guns and getting him out. This must be so so difficult for you and it's all still so raw but you're doing so well OP x

Such a strange thing to say. For one thing, a woman could have given him oral somewhere where he only felt he could lower his trousers.

@CherryCokeFanatic

The sperm on trousers sounds unlikely. Could be anything.

You should see my clumsy husband's trousers after he's had a korma.

.

The baby's will still have their father.
If he does not chose to see them his lose.
They children will grow up in a happier environment.
They will see their mother as a strong woman who put up with no nonsense.

Welcome to your new life.

It will be raw now.

But you have done one of the bravest things in your life.
It will get easier and better.

Good advice here. Tired of the double standards.

We've been together since I was 16 so it's all we know, it will be hard but it needs to be done.

Thank you all so so much

It's going to be tough OP but you have your dc and you will need to take each day at a time but you can do this. No more lies and being taken for a mug.
Your new life is just beginning, the dc will thank you for it one day. 💐

Best of luck OP you will be ok. I was. One less thing in your life to drag you down.

To those wanting to know how photos would help in a no fault divorce country - the photos would be for your own reassurance that this is real, it did happen. Gaslighting attempts to convince you that you imagined it, made it up, are lying.

Well that’s something. Now to check out what you might be entitled to: https://www.entitledto.co.uk/
single parent council tax

start planning to divorce and what will happen when you return to work. Im sorry your maternity leave is going to always be marred by this. This should be a wonderful time of bonding with your baby, not stressing about separating and affording life. Things will work out 💪

Sounds like you'll be well rid of him, OP. I'm so sorry this has happened like this, but he sounds like an abusive, gaslighting arsehole you don't want to be stuck with for the rest of your life.

You cannot evict somebody from their own property. That’s illegal.

Exactly . These kind of fucking comments really piss me off.

So sorry OP. Sounds like you’re well rid!
Hope you reach out to friends and family and get all the help you need in coming days.

I hate to be Debbie Downer, but TBH no matter how 'honourable' you may think he is, right now you can't depend on anything he says. Or, you can't depend on it for very long. Right now he's feeling guilty so the time to act is now.

Get him out ASAP, the longer he stays the more likely he'll get his back up and say "YOU leave!". I know you can't force him out, but you can make things uncomfortable for him and you can suggest he go to parents, friends, etc in the interim rather than starting to 'look for a place'.

The same goes for paying the rent. Don't make plans assuming he won't change his tune. He may decide he's the victim and you're 'being mean'. A friend/relative may put a bug in his ear. Or he may try to use is as a threat or leverage for something he wants. So do what you must to try and start saving money, even if it's just a few £ a week. Every little bit will give you a feeling of security. Hopefully he'll keep his end of the bargain, but as always 'hope for the best but prepare for the worst'.

You could actually declare yourself separated this very day and apply for Universal credit immediately. You must live separately even if under one roof. No shopping, cooking, laundry (or sex of course). Camp bed in with a child, you don't want to have to tiptoe round him on the sofa because we all know who'll be up at dawn with the children. https://www.entitledto.co.uk/ will give you an idea of benefits for a lone parent of very young children. You will get support there. Plus maintenance eventually, CMS application if necessary. Number one job for Monday morning is to apply to the landlord to take the tenancy on solo from November. You'll be eligible for the housing benefit element of UC. Be stealthy though as he has a lot to lose and playing 'nice' for a few days might be smarter.

You in the kids room, leave him in the bedroom out of sight and out of mind. And pray he sods off quickly.

Can I get the housing element even if he's still on the current rental agreement, what if I can prove he's living somewhere else for example with his new rental agreement. When that happens.

@nnamechangee yes you can. It’s called an untidy tenancy. You need to tell UC date of separation and you are paying rent yourself.

Sorry for all you're going through, OP, but do not rely on him paying the rent. He's in the contrite stage, it won't last long.